Engaging in self-care is about more than having soothing bubble baths, it’s about looking after yourself and focusing on what you need to be happy and healthy. But, sometimes the advice you see online can make you think you’ve got to care for yourself in certain ways that are the most popular or fun. The truth? You could be choosing self-care practices that are backfiring, like these 15 examples. It’s time to shake up your routine so it’s more effective.
1. Watching Netflix all weekend
Sometimes, all you want to do when feeling stressed is park on the couch and indulge in 10 episodes of your favorite series. Sure, it’s a great way to relax and take your mind off things. But, if you’re doing this for days at a time instead of facing whatever’s bothering you, this isn’t doing you any good. Chances are, you’re going to feel even more stressed because your issues are piling up. Try to limit yourself to watching one or two episodes, then whip out a journal and write down what you’re feeling so you can process your emotions.
2. Canceling all your plans
When you feel like you need some time to recharge your batteries, you might cancel all your social plans. There’s nothing wrong with that unless you always do this whenever your mood takes a dive. Regularly breaking your commitments to people can strain your relationships, giving you more problems to deal with. It’s sometimes better to push yourself out of your comfort zone and keep your social commitments even if you don’t feel like doing them. This prevents you from wallowing in negative feelings.
3. Going dancing ’til dawn (even though you have work the next day)
While self-care can be fun, you shouldn’t chase having a good time as a way to feel better about your problems. If you focus on partying, for example, this can backfire by making you sleep-deprived or ruining your healthy lifestyle, which will have other repercussions in your life. The loud music and bright lights can also be overstimulating and draining. Instead of hitting the latest parties when you need self-care, get stimulated by doing something creative. This will boost your mood and reduce your stress while giving you a sense of accomplishment.
4. Eating a ton of sugar
When you feel down or stressed, you might reach for a bag of sweets or a tub of ice cream. Although you might want comfort food, overindulging isn’t a good idea. You’re probably going to feel worse afterward because of all the sugar that’s making your blood sugar spike and crash, leaving you feeling irritable and anxious. Cooking a delicious and nutritious meal at home is a better alternative. You’ll get to indulge in yummy food while engaging your senses and having fun playing around with ingredients.
5. Boozing it up
You might be looking for an escape when you’re stressed or frustrated in life, which could cause you to drink a bottle of wine or hit the local pub for shots. This might feel like self-care because you’re doing something to feel better, but it’s not going to help you one bit. It will make you feel worse when you wake up with a killer hangover the next day, feeling tired and moody—and stuck with the same problems you had the day before. Instead, doing healthier activities, like taking a kickboxing class, can make you feel better by releasing endorphins.
6. Splurging on new clothing
Maybe you go online shopping when you’re feeling stressed because you get an instant hit of dopamine by adding sparkly items to your cart. But, doing this every time you need self-care can result in a lot of money being spent, putting a dent in your finances. It also doesn’t give you a feeling of satisfaction that lasts very long. Find a better way to make yourself feel pampered, such as by giving yourself a manicure or pedicure at home, or doing a fashion swap with friends. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to boost your confidence.
7. Leaving your partner on “read” with no explanation
You might want to shut the world out for a few days, but this doesn’t mean you can go off the radar without letting loved ones know where you are. It will stress them out, plus when you return from your technology hiatus, you’ll be bombarded with notifications that make you feel even more stressed out. Instead, speak to your partner or loved ones about needing a break. And then, switch off your phone and disappear without the guilt.
8. Exercising too much
Although exercise is a healthy way to relieve negative emotions and stress, if you’re overdoing it at the gym this could cause you to hurt yourself or feel pressure to perform when you don’t feel like it. That said, if you like to get your body moving when you need to engage in self-care—great! Consider tai chi or yoga which promotes mental and physical wellbeing. Incorporating breathing exercises and mindfulness into your exercise regime can also help you to feel calmer and more restored.
9. Venting to friends all the time
Although it’s healthy to express your problems to people who care about you, it’s toxic if you’re doing it all the time. Not only does it make your friends feel like you’re dumping drama on them, but it can make you become addicted to the negativity of the venting sessions. This is especially the case if your friends confirm your feelings instead of helping you work through them. Instead of that, consult with a therapist when you feel stuck. They’ll have the tools to help you break out of your destructive patterns.
10. Only focusing on self-care that feels good
One of the biggest mistakes people make with self-care practices is seeking out all the ones that make them feel amazing. The thing is, self-care is sometimes about doing things that will help you even if they don’t necessarily feel good right away. For example, you might not want to journal because it’s hard to admit how you’re feeling, but it can help you process your emotions. Sometimes, self-care is about focusing on what you need to be healthy, not on the rush of endorphins you’ll gain from the activity.
11. Sleeping all-day
You might think that staying in bed all day instead of slaying your tasks will make you feel better and help you recharge your batteries, but it could backfire. By putting off all your responsibilities, you’re creating more stress for yourself to deal with the next day, while feeling guilty for being unproductive. For an hour or two, do something that’s relaxing while still engaging your brain, such as listening to a podcast, listening to music, or reading a book. Then, get up and tackle that to-do list!
12. Contacting your ex
When you’re feeling sad or stressed out, you might be tempted to reach out to your ex. This won’t help because you might regret it later, leading to more frustration. A better idea is to work through your feelings in a positive way that won’t make you want to hide in shame, such as by journaling, chatting to a loved one, or spending time with your pet (Fido never lets you down, but your ex did).
13. Going for a hike just because it’s a popular activity
Although some self-care habits are more popular than others, it doesn’t mean you should be doing them instead of finding what feels right to you. For example, maybe your friends go hiking for self-care but this is a nightmare for you. Or, they hit the gym when you could think of a million better things to do. Here’s the thing: you want to feel calmer and less anxious after self-care, not more stressed out! So, do something else that works for you. Try different things to find the best ones. Self-care is different for everyone.
14. Blocking someone who’s upset you
Sometimes, deleting and blocking toxic contacts on social media can feel like self-care: you’re focusing on positive interactions and banishing negative ones. But, the risk of doing this when you feel overwhelmed is that you could be getting caught in the heat of the moment. This could lead to later regret, especially if you’re blocking someone who irritates you but is still a good friend. Instead of blocking contacts, “mute” them for a bit so you don’t have to see their updates. This sets healthy boundaries, limiting your exposure to certain people so you can do something else that relaxes you.
15. Forcing yourself to feel positive
When you feel heavy or negative emotions, do you try to brush them away and smile instead? Perhaps your “self-care” routine includes laughing with a friend or going to a comedy show to boost your mood. Although fostering optimism is good, it’s unhealthy to force yourself to be happy. You’ll learn more about yourself by examining your feelings (they’re not going to go away, after all). By working through them, you’re giving yourself care and a chance to grow.
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