Life doesn’t come with a guidebook, and for some people, that means that it’s easier to focus on the bad things that happen. When someone goes through a series of unfortunate events, they may stay in their unhappy place for a long time. Perhaps you’ve even heard someone say they’ve been unhappy for so long they don’t know how to be happy and thankful. While there are sundry ways to boost your positivity, chronically unhappy people are stuck in their misery, and here are some of the things they do.
1. They love sharing their misery with anyone who wil listen.
If you invite your unhappy friend to a get-together, there’s a chance they’re going to try to bring everyone else down with them. As they say, misery loves company. While not all chronically unhappy people want the rest of the world to be unhappy with them, some would rather see people feeling bad, too, so they don’t have to feel alone or can feel as though their misery is a little less miserable than someone else’s.
2. They’ve got an excuse for everything.
When you try to advise a chronically unhappy person on things that could help them be happier, they’ll give you every excuse they can come up with as to why that won’t work for them. They’ve tried that before. That’s not something that will help them. Nothing can help them, according to their misery.
3. They tend to complain a lot.
Unhappy people have quite a few things to complain about. Their conversations may tend to revolve around the bad things that happened to them that day, week, or month … They will probably go on to complain about the friends who no longer talk to them, and how those people abandoned them when they needed them the most. Of course, those friends likely stepped away because they were tired of all the complaining.
4. They like to make everything a big deal.
When something small happens that annoys most of us, we can brush it off and move on. Chronically unhappy people, however, are more likely to wallow in that incident and not be able to let it go until something new comes along that they can be miserable about. Rather than replacing a broken toaster, someone stuck in unhappy mode may complain about the broken toaster for some time before replacing it, getting more aggravated each time they want to use this kitchen gadget.
5. They try to control anything they can, including you.
Unhappy people are out of control of their own emotions, so they want to feel like they have control over something. This could push them to be more controlling of the people around them, whether it’s at home, at work, or with friends. They may become more bossy and even more judgmental of those who are closest to them.
6. Smiling is difficult for them.
Think of a time when you were mad about something … Was it easy to smile through the pain and annoyance? Probably not. For chronically unhappy folks, life itself is a pain, so smiling about anything is the last thing on their mind. If you see someone who looks eternally grumpy, they may be dealing with some deep unhappiness in their lives.
7. They don’t take care of themselves.
If you’ve ever dealt with depression, you know that it can be difficult to practice self-care or even basic hygiene. For a person who is unhappy to a considerable degree, taking care of themselves may be extremely difficult and low on their to-do list. While they may care about what anyone else thinks of them, they struggle to find the energy to do anything about it.
8. They focus on the negative in everything.
It’s easy to look at an unhappy person as a pessimist. If they’re complaining all the time, their negative attitude can get downright annoying to those around them. They see everything in a negative light and may find it difficult to see the silver lining in any situation. When you have a happy moment or come to them with positive insight, they may blow you off or even get mad at you because they can’t see past their negativity.
9. They spend a lot of time talking about how unfair life is.
Part of the unhappy person’s negative thought process includes focusing on only the bad things in life, Psychology Today notes. It’s not fair that other people make more than they do. It’s unfair that their relationships never work out, even though some people have the best relationships. They also can’t seem to accept responsibility for the negative things in their lives.
10. They tend to gossip.
Another aspect of the unhappy person wanting everyone else to feel as miserable as they are comes out through gossiping. As we said, chronically unhappy people like to focus on the negative things in life, so they’re sure to be taking garbage about other people in the hope of feeling a little better about themselves.
11. They often compare themselves to other people.
Whether they’re comparing themselves to feel better or more superior, or they’re deep down in depression and seeing how they can’t add up to the other people in their lives, unhappy people spend too much time comparing and too little time working on themselves. If you have more than they do, you’re a bad guy for being more successful. If you have less than they do, they feel more intelligent and better than you.
12. They have a void they need to fill.
Unhappiness is like a black hole in the pit of our souls. People who suffer from chronic unhappiness often fill this space with stuff. They could be friend collectors looking to find more people with whom to share their misery. They may also be hoarders, filling their lives and homes with things that only bring them a moment of joy before the buyer’s regret and clutter start to bring them down again.
13. They don’t have a lot of drive.
Some may consider unhappy people to be quitters because they often give up on things too quickly. For example, if a get-rich-quick scheme doesn’t work out for them within a concise amount of time, they’ll quit rather than put in the effort that could make the job fruitful. That lack of drive can also leave them with a cluttered, messy home that adds to their unhappiness.
14. Everything needs to be about them.
They’re selfish and want everything for themselves, so they may not even invest in gifts for their family and significant other on holidays. They see themselves as more important because they’re unhappy and never get what they want. When you’re conversing with a chronically unhappy person, they may shift the conversation to themselves and all the negative stuff in their lives, regardless of what the initial topic was.
15. It’s difficult for them to feel grateful.
When you feel nothing good is happening in your life, it can be hard to be grateful for anything. Of course, if you’ve ever practiced gratitude, you know that even pinpointing the smaller positives can help you see more positivity in your life. Unhappy people are too focused on the negative to see there are all sorts of things to be grateful for, from the rising sun in the morning to the twinkling stars at night.
16. They avoid deep and difficult conversations.
Unhappy people don’t want you to fix their problems. They’re so used to living in this state of unhappiness that they’re willing to stay there forever. When you try to have a deep conversation with them, they’ll either turn the tables to make it about them or clam up and not talk at all. Don’t expect them to respond if you call them out on their behavior.
17. They have little interest in learning or exploring.
Unhappy people who feel like this is their way of life aren’t going to do things that could increase their happiness. They’re stuck in this downward spiral, and as they fall deeper into the pit of despair, they lose interest in the things they once enjoyed. They no longer want to learn new things or explore new destinations.
18. They’ve convinced themselves therapy won’t help.
While therapy is an excellent option for someone who’s dealing with chronic unhappiness, most people in this situation may feel that therapy won’t work for them. They may think they’ve been unhappy for so long that nothing can turn their frown upside down. Hopefully, they’re able to eventually embrace the idea of seeking professional help.
