Sometimes this pressure came directly from parents with unrealistic expectations. Sometimes it was more internal – you were the smart, responsible one, and felt like you had to uphold that image at all times. Either way, this isn’t about blaming the past; it’s about understanding why you do the things you do. That’s how you reclaim your power and start to live life on your terms, not those of your inner critic. Here are some habits you might have thanks to that perfectionist streak in your youth.
1. Procrastination becomes your best frenemy.
Youknow you should start that project, but crippling fear of it not being flawless means you put it off until the last minute. Then, the stress fuels a burst of activity, and you somehow pull it off, reinforcing the idea that you “work best under pressure.” It’s a vicious cycle! As Choosing Therapy reveals, there’s a massive link beteween perfectionism and procrastination, so don’t let this hold you back!
2. Any sort of negative feedback sends you spiraling.
One less-than-stellar performance review and suddenly you’re convinced you’re a fraud and will be fired. A friend gently points out a flaw, and you beat yourself up for weeks. This is because perfectionists equate mistakes with personal failure, not opportunities for growth.
3. Asking for help feels like admitting defeat.
Struggling silently reinforces the belief that you should be able to handle everything alone, but this deprives you of support and actually hampers your success! Collaborating with other people and knowing how to delegate are skills of truly strong, capable people that perfectionists struggle to master.
4. You feel like an imposter in your own life.
Despite your accomplishments, a nagging voice insists it’s all a fluke, and soon you’ll be “found out.” This drives you to constantly over-prepare, overcompensate, fueled by the fear that if you relax for one second, everyone will realize you’re not as amazing as they think.
5. Setting healthy boundaries is almost impossible.
Saying “no” risks someone being displeased, which your perfectionist brain interprets as a failure to please. This leads to resentment, burnout, and an inability to prioritize your own well-being, because other people’s needs always seem to trump yours. It’s time to set some boundaries!
6. You’re secretly terrified of success.
Sounds crazy, right? But if you achieve the goal, then the bar gets raised even higher. Perfectionists often subconsciously self-sabotage to avoid the pressure of having to maintain that impossible standard. It’s a way of staying in control, even if it comes at the expense of your actual happiness.
7. Your romantic relationships follow a predictable pattern.
Initially, you idealize partners who seem “perfect” on paper, but once their flaws become apparent (because they’re human!), the disillusionment kicks in. On the flip side, maybe you’re drawn to fixer-uppers because improving them feels more attainable than fixing your own deep-seated perfectionism.
8. Relaxing actually feels stressful.
“What do I do with myself if I’m not being productive?” Taking a bubble bath, reading a fun novel… it can feel like wasted time! Perfectionists often tie their identity tightly to DOING, mistaking constant activity for self-worth. Learning to simply be can feel incredibly difficult at first.
9. You overcommit, then get resentful when you’re overwhelmed.
From saying yes to every PTA request to volunteering for extra work projects, your desire to please and appear on top of everything is admirable, but it’s unsustainable. Perfectionists have trouble recognizing their own limits, Forbes explains, which leads to burnout and a feeling like you’re letting everyone down, fueling the cycle further.
10. You take everything personally, even when it’s not about you.
If your boss seemed distracted in the meeting, it must be because you messed up. Or, if a friend cancels plans last minute, it’s because they secretly hate you! Perfectionists struggle to separate their own actions from external events, turning every minor mishap into confirmation of their inadequacy.
11. Fun feels frivolous and a little bit dangerous.
Letting loose or being spontaneous are a big no. Perfectionists crave control, and unplanned activities make them feel uneasy. This rigidity robs you of joy that’s found in unplanned moments, and makes you seem uptight to those drawn to a more free-spirited vibe.
12. “Good enough” isn’t in your vocabulary.
Projects take way longer than they should because you obsess over tiny details. Submitting something that isn’t 110% perfect feels akin to failure. This makes getting things done needlessly difficult. Done is often better than perfect, which is a mantra perfectionists need to learn!
13. You have trouble celebrating your achievements because the focus is immediately on what’s next.
Got the promotion? You barely give yourself a mental high-five before stressing about your new responsibilities. This robs you of the satisfaction of recognizing your hard work. Perfectionists struggle to stay present in the moment, as they’re always looking ahead, fearing they’ll fall short in the future.
14. Your inner critic is relentless and exceptionally cruel.
Would you EVER talk to a friend the way you speak to yourself sometimes? Probably not, but this is your default internal soundtrack. Perfectionists need to learn how to separate their intrinsic worth as a human from the inevitable slip-ups we all make.
15. Giving compliments feels easy, receiving them is excruciatingly awkward.
You try to deflect, make light of your accomplishments, or immediately turn it back around to compliment them. This stems from deep discomfort with the idea that you might actually be good at something. Imposter syndrome is a perfectionist’s best friend, unfortunately.
16. You unknowingly make friendships difficult.
Your high standards for yourself get applied to those you love. Minor slip-ups by friends (being late, forgetting a birthday) feel like HUGE betrayals to a perfectionist. Combined with a tendency to give unsolicited advice, this can erode friendships over time, even when you have the best intentions.
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