A narcissist is a person with a deep and excessive interest and admiration for themselves. In other words, they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Many of us have met one, were raised by one, or have been in a relationship with one. But when things go south and you choose to step away, a narcissist’s first move is to try to hook you again. These are 15 phrases a narcissist might use to hoover you back in.
1. “I’ll change, I promise.”
If you’ve cut off a narcissist, the first thing they’ll try is telling you they’ve changed. They may even be able to pull this off with actions like being more consistent or available. But beware: it’s just a temporary behavior fix to get you back under their spell.
2. “I’m lost without you.”
Right there with “I need you,” this phrase puts the responsibility back on your shoulders instead of the narcissist’s. They’re saying something that seems sweet and innocent enough, but what they really mean is that they need you to take care of them the way you always have. Be sure not to fall into this trap because a grown adult should be able to take care of themselves.
3. “No one will ever love you like I do.”
This phrase is about as manipulative as it gets. Once you’re hooked on the narcissist’s love and attention, it can be easy to believe that there’s nothing better out there. But when dealing with a true narcissist, it’s better to be alone than to try to stay in their good graces. Most importantly, remember that there are plenty of people you haven’t even met yet who will love you the right way.
4. “Let’s start over and forget the past.”
This may seem like a good idea, but forgetting the past can be a dangerous game. If a narcissist convinces you to actually let go of everything in the past in order to “start over,” you’re in danger of getting hooked right back into those same old patterns. We need to remember the past so we don’t make the same mistakes.
5. “You’re my soulmate.”
Sometimes we mourn over “the one who got away,” but it’s a myth. When a narcissist tells you “We’re meant to be together” or “You’re my soulmate,” they’re trying to convince you that they are your one true person. The truth is that you can be happy in many different kinds of relationships and there is not just one person out there for everyone.
6. “I’ve been working on myself.”
Although it’s rare for a narcissist to seek help because it doesn’t fit in with the image they have of themselves, they might do it in order to reel you back in. Proceed with caution and remember that it takes time, effort, and desire to truly change, and unfortunately, these are not the narcissist’s strong suit.
7. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
The narcissist wants you to think you’re on their mind 24/7 and they can’t live without you. How could anyone deny that devotion? The problem is, in reality, the narcissist thinks almost exclusively of themselves, and you are always going to be an afterthought for them. It’s way more important to focus on what they’re showing you rather than what they’re telling you.
8. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
The problem with this phrase is only the narcissist truly understands the narcissist. They know why they manipulate, lie, and gaslight—it’s always for their own gain. The narcissist has likely built a version of themselves for you that you think you understand, but be wary because it’s not the true version.
9. “You’re overreacting, it wasn’t that bad.”
A common tactic of a narcissist is gaslighting, or getting you to doubt what you know to be true. Trying to convince you that you were overreacting about what happened in the past can make them look “not so bad” and you might consider letting them back in. Trust in yourself and what you know to be true, rather than taking the narcissist’s version as fact.
10. “I miss us.”
A narcissist might try to hoover you back in by telling you how much they miss the two of you together. They’ll tug on your heartstrings by reminiscing and reminding you of the good times while leaving out all the bad stuff. Don’t forget to remember how things were in the little moments—don’t just focus on fun events and milestones, they only tell part of the story.
11. “You’re the only one who can make me happy.”
Let me say this first and foremost: you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. If a narcissist thinks they can’t be happy without you, that’s their problem. Be cautious, because what they probably mean is that they were happy manipulating you and want to do it again.
12. “I’m nothing without you.”
This phrase rings true in one respect: without you, the narcissist has no one to control. Of course, they feel like nothing without you—they don’t get to have the fun of manipulating and juggling lies if you’re not participating. Remember all the ways they manipulated you and try to avoid getting sucked back in.
13. “You were right.”
A narcissist rarely admits wrongdoing—they’d rather convince you that they were right. So for a narcissist to say these words may seem like a grand gesture. It is…but not the good kind. The narcissist is merely trying to control you by convincing you they have faults too. Warning: they don’t believe they do.
14. “I’ll never hurt you again.”
Promises, promises. A narcissist thrives on making promises rather than actually changing themselves. If they’ve hurt you repeatedly in the past, chances are they will do it again. Why? Well, narcissists stick to the same patterns and it’s a repeated cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard in their relationships. To avoid being discarded again, remember all the ways they hurt you in the past, and don’t let history repeat itself.
15. “I’m sorry for everything, please forgive me.”
A narcissist may beg for forgiveness, but they lack true remorse. Sure, they may feel some anger or regret, but they don’t understand how to truly be sorry and learn from their mistakes. When they plead and ask you to give them another chance, don’t fall for it.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
