When you’re about to go on a date with someone, you might think of all the red flags you don’t want to miss. But this can put you in a negative mindset. So, make sure that while you’re looking for relationship dealbreakers, you’re not missing out on the green flags this person is showing you. Here are 15 green flags to pay attention to, even though they might not seem like a big deal.
1. They have good manners.
It’s easy to overlook someone’s manners when you first meet them, perhaps because you’re looking for other signs that they like you or you like them. But those simple, polite phrases, such as saying thanks to you for the amazing date or saying “please” to waitstaff when placing an order, mean a lot. They’re huge green flags that the person has respect and compassion for others.
2. They make you feel calm.
Although you might be seeking fireworks and excitement when you start dating someone, you also want to have a deep sense of calm. When you leave a date, if you feel relaxed and positive about the person, this is a huge sign that they’re worth seeing again. Although butterflies are important, you want to be with someone who doesn’t leave you with doubts or drama.
3. They have similar goals.
While you might be looking for signs that someone’s passionate about their life and has goals they want to achieve, it’s good to ensure that the person has similar goals to you. If you’re headed in the same direction in life, this is a sign of compatibility. When people have similar dreams, they’re more likely to understand each other’s desires and motivations, which paves the way for better communication and a happier future together.
4. They really listen to you.
It’s easy to think that just because the person’s not talking or interrupting they’re listening to what you have to say. But listening is about actively paying attention. They should be making eye contact and showing you that they understand you, like rephrasing what you’ve just said and asking you follow-up questions. Good listening is about empathy and emotional connection, so it’s a green flag to look for!
5. They show up on time.
It’s not good enough if someone shows up late for a date. Period. Sure, they might have all the excuses in the book to make you overlook their tardiness, but it’s a red flag. When someone is on time or early for a date, it’s an important indication that they respect your time. They’re not messing around or taking advantage of you, which sets a positive tone for the relationship moving forward.
6. They respect your physical boundaries.
It’s good to notice how the person treats your physical boundaries, especially on the first few dates. When they’re mindful of your comfort level, this builds respect and shows that the person doesn’t want to overstep. Examples of physical boundaries include asking if it’s okay to hold your hand, maintaining some distance when standing next to you, and being attentive to verbal and non-verbal cues that indicate discomfort.
7. They look happy to see you.
When you meet up with the person for a date, check how they look at you when they first see you. If their eyes light up and they smile, that’s a good sign they’re feeling positive about you. Reading their body language for clues can give you loads of information about what they think, so also pay attention to their micro-expressions—these are the split-second facial expressions that reveal their true feelings—during the date.
8. They’re open-minded.
When you talk about how your dogs sleep in your bed or you read people’s auras, you want the person to show that they’re open-minded. While they might not like what you say, they shouldn’t make you feel embarrassed or negative about the things you share with them. Being open-minded shows that they’re keen to be on the same page as you or that they can respectfully agree to disagree and won’t make a big deal about your differences.
9. They don’t rest their phone on the table.
It’s great if someone you’re dating doesn’t look at their phone every 10 minutes, but it’s even better if their phone is completely out of sight. It’s not on the table in front of you or on the couch beside them! When someone does this, it’s a green flag that they’re giving you their undivided attention. They don’t want anything to interrupt your quality time together.
10. They have positive stories about loved ones.
You don’t want to be around someone who’s always negative about everyone in their life, like if they’re blaming others for their mistakes (victim card alert!). If someone has positive, funny, or heartwarming stories about their friends and family members, this shows that they have healthy bonds with other people. It also indicates that they’re capable of maintaining healthy relationships.
11. They’re funny without being mean.
Just because someone makes you laugh, it doesn’t mean it’s a green flag. If they’re mocking people or making subtle degrading comments about you that they’re masking as jokes, this is toxic behavior. Look for a person who can make witty comments or jokes that make you belly laugh without feeling awkward because they’re not mean-spirited. The person knows how to be respectful while bringing positive vibes.
12. They mention houseplants or pets they love.
It’s always a good sign when the person you’re dating mentions that they’re keeping houseplants or pets alive and happy! It shows that they care about more than themselves and they can take responsibility for others’ wellbeing. This is also a good sign that they’re focused on stability and maintaining consistency in their life.
13. They give you space.
Once you start dating someone, you might want to be around them 24-7. But it’s healthy to have some space. Someone who lets you do your own thing instead of hounding you with texts and calls is handing you a giant green flag. They’re showing you that they respect your life and don’t want to steamroll over your boundaries. Although they want to be in your life, they don’t want to dominate it.
14. They have a happy, full life.
When you’re on a date with someone, you might be searching for clues that they’re into you. But it’s also good to check for signs that they’re into their life! You want to be with someone who loves their life and gets excited about their hobbies or passions, not someone who is waiting for you to give their life meaning. They’re well-rounded and know how to make themselves happy, which will result in a healthier relationship.
15. They don’t trash-talk their exes.
It’s always a red flag when someone talks negatively about their exes. But, you might think that if they speak positively about their exes it’s also a red flag. False! If someone can look back on previous relationships in a positive way instead of only having negative memories, it demonstrates maturity. It also shows empathy and that they’re open to growing from experiences, instead of allowing them to cause bitterness.
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