Feeling trapped in an unhealthy marriage is a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Could you imagine living with a spouse you hate or fear for the rest of your life? If you’re in this predicament, it would be best to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or even get professional help from marriage counselors. Sadly, some people would rather handle things themselves than admit they’re struggling. Instead, they do these things, which only makes the situation worse.
1. They have affairs.
According to Johns Hopkins University, sexual dissatisfaction is the top-cited motivation for most people whenever they want to have an affair. For instance, a person may get frustrated when their partner withholds intimacy or simply loses interest. Initially, the other spouse might tolerate the situation, but eventually, they’ll look for that kind of connection elsewhere. They don’t want to force their partners to do something they’re uncomfortable with, but they also have needs.
2. They become desperate for validation and assurance.
Some people need constant reassurance that their partner still loves them. The longer you’re together, the more likely it is for the grand romantic gestures and verbal assurances of love and devotion tend to become less frequent. As a result, one person (or both!) may start to feel unloved, and they’ll become desperate to be reassured that’s not the case. They may even start to rope in friends and family members to validate the relationship and allay their fears that their marriage is on the rocks.
3. They make passive-aggressive comments.
People in unhappy marriages often make underhanded remarks to express their dissatisfaction without having a direct confrontation. An example of a passive-aggressive remark is, “Let me help you cook since following a recipe seems challenging for you.” On the surface, it seems the person is willing to help you with the cooking. However, what they’re saying is that you’re too foolish to read a recipe. This level of pettiness eventually leads to resentment in the relationship and should be avoided at all costs.
4. They look for distractions.
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Being in a miserable relationship is draining, which is why some people seek distractions from their unhealthy marriages. For instance, the unhappy partner may deliberately spend longer hours at work, picking up overtime or taking on projects that keep them away from the house for as long as possible. Or, they might start making more social plans with friends that don’t include their spouse. Of course, these distractions don’t actually solve anything. In fact, it could create more friction when the other partner starts questioning their whereabouts.
5. They drink a lot.
Alcohol provides temporary relief from stress emanating from your unhealthy marriage, so it’s no wonder people drink a lot to forget about their troubles, even if only temporarily. Unfortunately, these people forget that alcoholism can ruin marriages by leading to addiction issues that are difficult to overcome. Not only that, but studies by the National Institutes of Health have shown that excessive drinking can cause up to 50% of people to become violent or aggressive.
6. They engage in self-silencing.
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Self-silencing involves not saying anything that may trigger negative outcomes. The problem with this practice is that the person suppresses their emotions by not disclosing what’s bothering them. While they likely believe this will preserve their marriage, it actually leads to a complete lack of communication, which causes the relationship to break down further.
7. They neglect their own needs for their partner’s sake.
A healthy relationship is one where both people maintain their independence and can do what makes them happy. For instance, there’s nothing wrong with your partner meeting with friends occasionally. In fact, it’s healthy! Sadly, many people in unhealthy marriages feel they have to put their own needs and desires to the side to keep their partner happy. They might do this because their partner feels jealous whenever they spend more time with other people, or they want to maximize their time with their partner to iron out relationship issues. This inevitably ends up backfiring more often than not.
8. They blame themselves for what’s wrong with the relationship.
If anything goes wrong in the marriage, unhappily married people often blame themselves, even when they’re not at fault. They may shoulder the responsibility for fights that break out or simply for their partner’s emotions, which creates an uneven dynamic and can cause anxiety, depression, and more. Sometimes relationship issues aren’t due to any one person or thing — it could be just the way the cookie crumbles, so to speak.
9. They feel torn about how to move forward.
When someone feels trapped in an unhealthy marriage, they may not know what to do about it. As a result, they’ll likely spend a lot of time ruminating on the situation and possible scenarios of escape. While self-reflection can be a great way of identifying underlying feelings and coming up with solutions, it can also cause people to spiral, and ultimately, it doesn’t solve anything. Clear, direct communication with your partner is key if there’s any hope of turning things around.
10. They communicate more through non-verbal cues than words.
Rather than making sarcastic remarks, some unhappily married people express their discontent via their body language. They might roll their eyes a lot, cross their arms, avoid eye contact, or sigh often. By doing this, they hope their partner will pick up on the hints they’re dropping and realize that things aren’t right. Unfortunately, studies show that men are worse at reading non-verbal cues than women, so open communication is the only option here.
11. They engage in intentional inefficiency.
Intentional inefficiency, or weaponized incompetence, is when a partner intentionally performs tasks in a subpar way to feign incompetence. While some people may do this to avoid doing household chores, others do it to punish their unbearable partner. The latter’s goal is for the partner to have to take on the mental, emotional, or physical load of both people, which is unfair and cruel. It’s only a matter of time before resentment boils over when this happens.
12. They consider separation or divorce.
It’s only natural that when someone is in an unhappy marriage, they’ll consider whether it might be better to end things altogether. However, it’s not always as easy as simply deciding to walk away. This is especially true if the couple shares children, property, finances, or other things that would make it much more complicated to get a divorce. That being said, if the relationship is bad enough, ironing out the details is a small price to pay to regain some level of happiness in life.
13. They withdraw physically or emotionally from their partner.
Some people are extremely defensive and hard to talk to about serious issues without causing World War III. As a result, some unhappily married people simply pull away from their partner to avoid an explosive fight, as it’s easier and more peaceful than a direct confrontation. Sadly, this only leads to even more distance between them, and can actually speed up the arrival of the end of the relationship.
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