Have you ever wondered whether your in-laws are intentionally trying to ruin your marriage? They say when you marry someone, you marry their family, and if you don’t get along with your spouse’s parents, it will be a long marriage. However, there’s a difference between needing to iron out a few kinks in the family dynamic and having in-laws deliberately trying to get in between you and your spouse.
1. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Boundaries are foundational in every relationship, from a friendship to a marriage and even your relationship with your in-laws. You most likely talked to your spouse about boundaries with your in-laws early on because you wanted your expectations to be clear. However, lately, you’ve felt that your in-laws aren’t adhering to your rules and limits and don’t seem too worried about it.
2. They aren’t nice to you.
Even if you don’t get along with your spouse’s family, it’s crucial for their relationship with their parents that you are at least civil to them. This way, you can all get together on holidays and family gatherings without anyone causing too much drama. If your in-laws aren’t prepared to return this courtesy, they could be trying to sabotage your marriage.
3. They talk about you behind your back.
For some reason, you get a sense that your in-laws are saying things to your spouse about you when you’re not around. Your spouse has brought up a few things lately that make you suspect your behavior or actions are being called into question. Narcissistic in-laws won’t be afraid to say how they’re feeling about you — they’ll just do it so you can’t hear.
4. They make decisions for you.
If you feel that your in-laws are trying to drive a wedge between you and your spouse, they might be more than happy to call the shots regarding your marriage. Lately, they’ve made a few decisions that you feel definitely should have been made by you and your spouse. The most infuriating part is that your spouse didn’t confront them.
5. They attempt to control your marriage.
You know your spouse is close with his or her parents, and you want to honor this and give them the freedom to maintain those connections. However, you also feel like your in-laws are overstepping and taking advantage of your spouse — to the point where they call the shots in your marriage.
6. They stonewall you for no reason.
If you suspect that your in-laws want to break you and your spouse apart, then you might find that they are all over the place with how they interact with you. One day, they’re warm and friendly; the next, they give you the cold shoulder. You ask your spouse about it, but he or she shrugs and tells you not to take it personally.
7. Nothing is ever good enough.
Narcissistic in-laws will make you feel like you can never please them enough. When you first get married to someone, it’s natural to put your best foot forward and try to impress their parents. However, once you get comfortable with them, they should accept you as you are and not make you feel like nothing you do is ever up to their standards.
8. You get the blame for everything.
If your in-laws are out to get you and your marriage, there’s a good chance they’ll point the finger at you more often than not. In their eyes, their son or daughter is perfect, which means you cause any problems in the marriage.
9. They never give you their approval.
When you’re dating someone and you start down the road to marriage, there comes a time when you get the approval to do this from your in-laws. If you’re a guy, you’ll make sure they approve of you before you propose. They could be trying to break you apart if you’ve been married for a while now, and they still show signs that they disapprove of you.
10. When they’re nice, they’re fake.
If you find that your in-laws are hot and cold toward you, then you’ll find that when they’re being nice, it feels fake. You know that deep down, they don’t like you and wish your marriage would end. Even when they’re being “nice,” they can’t put the effort in.
11. They give you unsolicited advice.
Most married couples have experienced an overbearing relative who “only wants the best for them.” Whenever they see them, they give them unwarranted advice, and it frustrates them to no end. Your in-laws may be trying to convince your spouse to end the marriage if you find that they’re constantly showering you with suggestions and recommending that you try them.
12. They meddle with your finances.
While your spouse might occasionally go to their mom or dad for financial advice, your finances should stay between you and your spouse. The line gets crossed when your in-laws feel that they have the right to get involved and suggest how you should spend your money.
13. They ruin special moments.
If your in-laws want to see your marriage break down, the last thing they’ll want is happy moments together as an extended family. Perhaps you find that when you do gather for the holidays, they subtly try to find ways to ensure nobody has a good time.
14. They blackmail you emotionally.
If you have confided in your in-laws in the past, or you know that your spouse is close with their parents and talks to them a lot, if they’re narcissistic, they might use your feelings against you. They might make you sad or guilty, so you do their bidding.
15. They’re competitive.
Have you ever felt like your in-laws are constantly comparing your marriage to theirs or that of their other son or daughter? They might even feel like they need to compete for your spouse’s attention, which is, at best, irrational.
