We all make excuses sometimes (hey, we’re only human). However, some people take it to an entirely new level. Nothing is ever their fault, and there’s always an elaborate explanation for why they couldn’t follow through, messed up, or let you down. Understanding why people do this might help you cope (or know when to walk away!). Here’s the real scoop on what’s behind their behavior.
1. They have trouble taking responsibility for their actions.
People who constantly make excuses struggle with accountability. Admitting fault might trigger feelings of shame or inadequacy. It’s easier to blame external factors than own their role in how things turn out. This lack of self-awareness is the root of why the excuses seem to never end.
2. They have a fragile ego and low self-esteem.
Mistakes are normal, of course, but for those with deep insecurity, even minor slip-ups are seen as evidence they’re fundamentally flawed. An excuse protects their ego and avoids the discomfort of taking an honest look at their own shortcomings. This can create a vicious cycle, as avoiding self-reflection prevents addressing the insecurity that fuels the excuse-making.
3. They have an external locus of control.
People with this mindset believe events are largely controlled by luck, fate, or other people, not their own choices. Excuses reinforce this belief – if life is rigged against them, there’s no point in taking ownership of their actions because the outcomes wouldn’t have changed anyway. This creates a sense of helplessness and makes it easier to justify their lack of effort or follow-through.
4. They may be manipulative and want to avoid consequences.
Excuse-makers often use justifications to escape the consequences of their actions – a missed deadline, a broken promise, etc. They might try to guilt-trip you or play the victim to make you feel like the bad guy for having expectations. Often, there’s an underlying motive – getting out of something unpleasant, gaining attention or sympathy, or appearing helpless to avoid responsibility.
5. They’re stuck in a victim mentality.
Constantly blaming bad luck or outside forces creates a learned helplessness. Instead of feeling empowered to change their situation, they see themselves as powerless. Excuses become like a security blanket – it’s easier to complain than to take risks or step outside their comfort zone. This victim mentality fosters a sense of entitlement, as if the world somehow owes them better circumstances. As WebMD explains, this victim mentality is severely limiting.
6. They might benefit somehow from their excuses.
Sometimes, constant excuses are a way to get sympathy, attention, or to avoid tasks they dislike. If their excuses always seem to get them off the hook at work or let them avoid chores around the house, it reinforces the behavior (even if unconsciously). This learned behavior becomes their default mode because, on some level, it has served them in the past.
7. They’ve never learned a different way.
If they grew up in an environment where excuses were always made or where no one took responsibility, this becomes their default mode. They might genuinely not see the harm in it, lacking the self-awareness to see how it affects others. Breaking this pattern requires conscious effort and someone modeling healthier behavior for them to follow.
8. They have an underlying anxiety disorder.
For some, excessive excuse-making stems from crippling fear of failure or judgment. Procrastinating and then coming up with reasons why a task couldn’t be completed is a way to self-sabotage, avoiding the uncomfortable possibility of not being “good enough”. In this case, the excuses are a symptom of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed with professional support.
9. They struggle with setting realistic expectations.
They might overpromise, then blame traffic, a sudden migraine, or any number of things for not delivering. This stems from poor planning skills, an inability to say “no”, or a hidden desire to seem more impressive than they truly are. Ultimately, it reveals a disconnect between what they genuinely can achieve and what they promise, causing repeated issues and disappointments.
10. They have trouble following through on commitments.
Whether due to disorganization, lack of self-discipline, or simply prioritizing other things (even leisure), this behavior erodes trust. Their word means little because there’s always a justification for why they flaked out this time. This breeds resentment and makes people hesitant to rely on them, as their promises lack credibility.
11. They may feel overwhelmed and use excuses as a coping mechanism.
If they’re genuinely struggling with too many responsibilities, excuses might be a cry for help. The problem is, it’s an ineffective way to ask for help, as people tune them out or lose respect. A more direct and honest approach, admitting they’re struggling and asking for support, would create a much more positive and helpful dynamic.
12. They may be intentionally deflecting from a deeper issue they don’t want to address.
Maybe they have an addiction they’re hiding, or are deeply unhappy in the relationship. Chronic excuse-making creates a smokescreen, distracting you from the real problems they don’t want to confront. If there’s a pattern of excuses without the underlying issue ever being truly addressed, this might be a sign that something deeper is going on.
13. They want to avoid conflict at all costs.
People-pleasers would rather make up an excuse than directly say “no” or disappoint someone, PsychCentral notes. It stems from fear of confrontation, or the mistaken belief that keeping the peace means agreeing to everything asked of them. Ultimately, this leads to internal resentment and frustration that usually spills over in less direct ways.
14. They’re perfectionists who sabotage themselves.
If they only feel good about themselves when they succeed flawlessly, the fear of not being perfect can be paralyzing. They procrastinate, then use excuses for why it’s not up to their impossibly high standards. Overcoming this requires addressing their underlying perfectionism – learning to accept mistakes and valuing effort over perfect outcomes.
15. They have difficulty with time management and organization.
Losing important documents, always running late, and constantly forgetting things… disorganization can lead to legitimate problems. But if it’s a chronic issue, it’s often about deeper problems like procrastination or ADHD, with excuses covering up the root cause. Addressing the underlying disorganization, instead of relying on excuses, leads to less stress and higher productivity long-term.
16. They simply don’t value your time or feelings.
This is a harsh one, but sometimes, constant excuses are a sign of disrespect. The message, whether intentional or not, is that you and your expectations are not a priority. Their needs and comfort always seem to override yours. In a healthy dynamic, even when mistakes happen, there should be a genuine effort to minimize their impact on others.
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