It can be hard to be an introvert in an extroverted world. Society expects us introverts to act a certain way in order to “fit in.” But who says we want to fit it, anyway? As a self-proclaimed introvert, here are some things that you should never say to us.
1. “You’re so quiet.”
Generally speaking, introverts are quieter than extroverts. We don’t like to talk just for the sake of talking, which in my opinion, is a good thing. We think before we talk, which often prevents us from saying the wrong things. And besides, being quiet isn’t a bad thing, sometimes it’s nice to just sit in silence and watch as the world passes by.
2. “You should try to come out of your shell.”
While this might be said with good intentions, it sounds a lot more like harsh criticism than positive feedback. Asking someone to come out of their shell is basically saying that you don’t accept them for who they are. It’s insulting and it’s not at all helpful. So, you can accept us for who we are or you can find a new friend.
3. “Why don’t you have more friends?”
Introverts usually prefer a smaller circle of close friends rather than a big group of friends. The reason for this is it feels less intimidating and more familiar. We can get easily overwhelmed when talking to so many different people. Asking us why we don’t have more friends is rude and implies that we’re unlikeable or anti-social, but that’s not true. Introverts are more selective—we choose quality over quantity.
4. “Is something wrong with you?”
Being quiet can often be perceived as something being wrong. If we’re quiet, we’re sad. If we’re quiet, we’re mad. If we’re quiet, we hate the person talking to us. But most of the time, it’s none of those things. Introverts are typically quieter than extroverts, and that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. We’re being observant and sometimes we’re lost in our own thoughts, too. So, don’t be that person.
5. “You’re no fun.”
Calling an introvert boring because they don’t live the way you want them to is really rude and insulting. Not everyone likes to go to parties and huge gatherings every weekend, some of us prefer quieter nights with our closest circle of friends. There’s nothing wrong with that.
6. “I wish you were more like…”
Comparing an introvert to one of your extroverted friends is a sure-fire way to ruin the friendship. When you do this, you’re basically saying that we’re not good enough. That we need to change. But what really needs to change is the expectation that introverts need to be more like extroverts in order to be accepted.
7. “You should be more…”
More outgoing? More fun? More loud? The list goes on and on. Introverts are placed under scrutiny far more than extroverts which isn’t fair at all. We don’t need to change our identity and our personality to fit others’ expectations. We’re happy being the way we are.
8. “Don’t you get lonely?”
There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Introverts really love solitude, so we enjoy being in our own company and watching a movie or reading a book. And besides, introverts have friends, too. We just prefer a healthy balance of socializing and alone time.
9. “Go up and say hi.”
Meeting new people can be hard for most introverts. From the not knowing what to say to the awkward smiles and small talk, it’s a nightmare situation. If you’re an extrovert, we’re begging you not to tell us to introduce ourselves to someone we don’t know. If we want to introduce ourselves, then we will, in our own time. But telling us to do it will only make us feel uncomfortable and resentful towards you.
10. “You don’t like making friends”
Just because we don’t like to attend parties or go to big events, doesn’t mean we don’t like to make friends. Everyone needs friends, and introverts are no exception. However, we like to meet people on our own terms. We don’t need to go to parties or large gatherings to make friends—we can make friends almost anywhere we go! Some introverts prefer to meet people at bookstores, clubs, and other quieter locations. There’s no right or wrong way to make friends.
11. “Are you staying at home again?”
This is often phrased as an insult. It’s like saying, “Are you really that boring?” Introverts tend to spend more time at home than extroverts since we need to rest and recharge our batteries more often. If we go out and have a day of socializing, we’ll probably need to spend a couple of days at home afterward. But that’s not a problem because we enjoy being at home.
12. “Say something!”
If an introvert is being quiet and not engaging in the conversation, the last thing you want to do is point it out. There’s a reason we’re choosing to be quiet, so pointing it out only makes us feel attacked and uncomfortable. And besides, not everything needs an answer. Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and listen rather than talk over people.
13. “Why are you so shy?”
Although some introverts are shy, many of us aren’t. You shouldn’t assume someone is shy because they aren’t really chatty and sociable. Introverts tend to be deep thinkers and we don’t appreciate small talk as much as extroverts do. Therefore, we might tune out of the conversation a little bit and keep quiet. That doesn’t necessarily mean we’re shy, so don’t assume!
14. “You don’t seem to care.”
There’s this common misconception that introverts can be a bit selfish. See, if we get invited to a party or a huge event, we might turn it down. Big events are overwhelming because we know there’ll be lots of people and we’ll have to socialize. This drains out batteries, so we might turn the invite down. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care or that we’re a bad friend. In fact, assuming we don’t care is what makes you a bad friend.
15. “I’d hate to be an introvert.”
This is possibly one of the worst things you can say to an introvert. Why? Because you’re saying you would hate to be anything like them. That’s a huge insult that will earn you a cold, hard stare. As an introvert, we’re not ashamed of who we are. We’re proud to be introverted. If you want us to welcome you into our lives, then you have to accept us.
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