We all rely on honest feedback. Whether we need someone’s opinion on a presentation or a new project, or we need help preparing for an interview, it’s crucial to have some constructive criticism in order to be successful. However, how you present your feedback makes a big difference. Too harsh and you end up hurting their feelings. Too nice and you end up twisting the truth. Here are some tips on giving constructive criticism kindly.
1. Speak to them face-to-face
Firstly, it’s important that you provide feedback face-to-face since this is the best way to communicate and get through to the other person. If you can’t meet face-to-face, then the next best thing is a video call or a phone call. Avoid writing your feedback online or by text since this may come across as blunt or rude, which is the opposite of what you want.
2. Don’t make it public
Never post criticism publicly or deliver it in front of other people, since this can be embarrassing to the other person and make them lose confidence in themselves. Make sure you do it one-on-one and in a quiet spot, as this will make them feel more comfortable. And when they’re most comfortable, it won’t be as difficult to hear your honest feedback.
3. Use positive language
Where necessary use positive and kind language to make them feel at ease. Of course, you don’t want to overdo it, so try to be quite neutral. So, instead of saying, “This won’t work”, try saying, “You have a good idea, but it needs some work”. See how that sounds much kinder?
4. Avoid saying “should”
People don’t usually respond well to being told what to do. Saying, “You should be doing this” makes them feel like they’re being backed into a corner and forced into something. It makes them feel like they’ve got no other option. Instead, try saying, “You could try this…”. By changing one word, you’ve already put them at ease and given them something to think about.
5. Focus on your body language
Your body language can speak volumes. If you’re saying one thing but your body is saying another thing, then this will only confuse the person you’re supposed to be helping. Good body language starts with keeping your back straight, relaxing your shoulders, and maintaining eye contact. Depending on the situation, a handshake, high-five, or a hug can also put them at ease.
6. Don’t use insults
It might sound obvious, but using insults to get your point across isn’t helpful. In fact, it does more harm than good. For instance, saying, “You’re terrible at this,” doesn’t help them in any way. It could actually have the opposite effect and put a dent in their ego. Try to rephrase it so that you can provide them with some helpful feedback. “You could improve this by doing…” works much better.
7. Don’t say they’re wrong
Nobody likes to be told that they’re wrong about something. Instead of helping them, this will only make them shrink and lose confidence in themselves. Encourage them by telling them that they’ve done a good job, but there needs to be some improvements. This provides some clarity while putting them at ease.
8. Try to find the good
It’s easy to sit there and point out all the things that you didn’t like, but it’s far more helpful to point out the things they did well. If you want them to feel motivated and encouraged, then you should spend some time focusing on what you liked before you start to point out the things that need improvement. Build their confidence up a little bit before you start critiquing.
9. Be detailed in your criticism
It doesn’t help them if you use very generalized suggestions, like, “This needs to be better”. Tell them how it can be better. Should they change the wording? Make it longer? If it’s a presentation or a mock interview, do they need to project their voice more? Think carefully about how they can improve before you provide your thoughts.
10. Only make suggestions
At the end of the day, you can only make suggestions. Avoid telling them exactly what to do because it’ll make them feel like they’re no longer in the driver’s seat. Make suggestions based on what you think will help them, but make sure they know it’s up to them to make the final decisions. This will make them feel like they’re in control.
11. Don’t make it too personal
Often, criticism is seen as highly personal, but it really shouldn’t be. You’re not criticizing them as a person here, you’re criticizing their actions and choices. That means you should never make comments about their personality or what makes them who they are, since this will confuse them and decrease their confidence. Remember, your goal is to help them.
12. Don’t make it one-sided
One of the worst things you can do when offering constructive criticism is not to invite them into the conversation. This conversation is more about them than it is about you, so if you start every conversation with, “I think…”, and don’t ask them for their opinion, they’ll start to feel like you don’t care. And that’s the last thing you want to do! Make sure you ask them what they think and feel.
13. Don’t be too nice
Is there such a thing as being too nice? Yes, definitely. If you only point out the good things, you’re not really helping them at all. They need to know what problems there are so they can work on those things and improve. By not telling them how you really feel, you’re not sparing their feelings, you’re just holding them back from reaching their true potential, which is far worse.
14. Keep a friendly tone
Nobody wants to be shouted at, especially when they’re receiving criticism and already in a vulnerable state. And besides, raising your voice doesn’t get your point across any clearer. It only makes the other person feel like they’re being attacked. Instead, keep your voice gentle and level when you speak to them. If they’re more at ease, they’re more likely to read your feedback as constructive.
15. Invite them to ask you questions
After you’ve given your feedback, make sure you ask them if they have any questions for you. They might need you to clarify one of the points you made or ask if you have any other suggestions that could help them improve. This is a kind thing to do that can help to uplevel their performance.
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