Most of a narcissist’s behavior relies on having someone else around to victimize. However, they also have strange habits when they’re alone that only fuel the way they act around others. Remember, not everyone who does these things has a full-blown personality disorder, but this gives you an idea of what makes them tick. Why does this matter? Because if you suspect someone’s a narcissist, understanding their inner world helps you stop taking their behavior personally. You see it’s not about YOU, but about their need to constantly prop up their fragile ego. Here are some things they do when no one else is around.
1. Obsessively Check Their Reflection
The term “narcissism” comes from the Greek mythological figure Narcissus, who became so entranced with his own reflection that he fell in love with it. That carries over in narcissists today. Beyond normal grooming, narcissists are fixated on their appearance. It’s about control, and the reassurance that they’re as flawless as they believe they should be. Any perceived imperfection can lead to a meltdown, even if no one else would notice. This reveals the deep insecurity hiding beneath that arrogant facade.
2. Fantasize About Grandiose Success
When alone, the mask slips and they indulge in elaborate daydreams. They’re the wildly successful CEO, the adored artist, the person everyone envies. It’s not goal-setting, but escaping the reality they’re not as special as they desperately need to feel. Problem is, it fuels their resentment towards anyone actually achieving those things.
3. Replay Past Triumphs (Real or Imagined)
Narcissists cling to moments where they felt superior. They’ll embellish the story each time they revisit it in their head, blowing minor victories into legendary conquests. This gives them temporary ego fuel, but it also traps them in the past. They’re incapable of celebrating the present because it never quite measures up to their inflated self-image.
4. Plot Revenge Over Tiny Perceived Slights
You cut them off in traffic? Weeks later, they’re still imagining elaborate ways to get back at you. Narcissists perceive normal human interactions as attacks. Their overblown sense of entitlement makes every minor thing an insult. This consumes them, wasting time they could use on actual self-improvement.
5. Stalk People Online (Exes, Rivals, Etc.)
Social media is a narcissist’s torture chamber. They obsess over those they envy, looking for any sign that person is struggling. It makes them feel better temporarily. They also check up on exes, not because they miss them, but to confirm they are superior and the other person’s life is crap without them.
6. Craft Manipulative Texts/Emails
They never truly disconnect. When they’re alone, they carefully word messages designed to get sympathy, admiration, or favors. This constant scheming is exhausting! Healthy people can relax, but narcissists see every interaction as a chess game where they MUST be the winner.
7. Ruminate Over Grudges
They tend to replay arguments on a loop, but only the parts where they were right and the other person was awful. They get worked up, even though the other person may have long forgotten the incident. This inability to forgive traps them in a cycle of anger, keeping them from forming genuine connections in the present.
8. Seek Out Admiration Online
Narcissists love posting thirst traps for likes, or humble-bragging to get compliments. Their need for external validation is bottomless. The comments are like a drug, a temporary hit to their ego… but it never lasts. So, they’re right back to fishing for praise, forever trapped on that approval-seeking hamster wheel.
9. Discard People Without a Second Thought
Friends, lovers, it doesn’t matter. The moment someone no longer serves their ego, they’re cut loose with shocking coldness. Narcissists lack empathy, so they don’t feel guilt or remorse over hurting someone who genuinely cared. Since they see people as tools, not individuals with feelings, those relationships were never built on real connection in the first place.
10. Rehearse Fake Apologies
If forced to apologize (public meltdown, etc.), they’ll practice it alone beforehand. It’s about managing their image, not genuine remorse. The delivery might seem convincing, but watch their ACTIONS afterwards. Real change doesn’t happen overnight, and they’ll likely repeat the same harmful patterns, just subtler next time.
11. Spin Fantasies of People Begging for Forgiveness
In their mind, they’re always the victim, so they’ll imagine past “enemies” realizing how wrong they were, desperately seeking to make amends. This reinforces their belief they’re blameless, even when their behavior was objectively awful. It protects their ego, but blinds them from any need for genuine self-reflection.
12. Engage in Risky Behavior
Because they feel so empty inside, many narcissists seek thrills. Gambling, reckless driving, etc., provide a temporary rush. Problem is, they think rules don’t apply to them. This gets them in trouble, fueling the “world is against me” narrative they cling to. It’s a vicious cycle of self-destruction, but their pride won’t let them admit they need help.
13. Binge on Comfort Food/Alcohol
To numb the emptiness, they often overindulge… then harshly judge themselves for the lack of control. Unlike someone with a binge-eating disorder, though, they see it as a personal failing, not a health issue. This leads to a cycle of indulging, self-loathing, then numbing those bad feelings with more indulgence – not addressing the root issue at all.
14. Browse Violent Material Online
Sadly, this is common, especially for narcissists with a sadistic streak. It provides a twisted sense of power and taps into their bottled-up rage. While disturbing, it’s important to know if you’re involved with someone like this, as it’s a sign their capacity for empathy is dangerously low, and the potential for abuse is high.
15. Rewrite the Past to Make Themselves Look Better
Every failed relationship? The other person was crazy. Mistakes at work? Always someone else’s fault. They distort memories to avoid ever facing their own flaws. This makes growth impossible! Without honest self-assessment, they’re doomed to repeat the same toxic dynamics over and over in every area of their lives.
16. Lie To Themselves
Deep down, there’s a flicker of awareness that they aren’t who they pretend to be. But admitting that is unbearable, so they bury it under even more grandiose self-delusion. This takes tremendous mental energy, leaving none for authentic relationships or achieving anything that requires sustained effort.
17. Feel Intense Envy They Can Barely Admit
Witnessing other people’s happiness is agony for them. But instead of seeking joy in their OWN life, they try to tear down the other person. Sabotaging someone else’s success feels like a temporary victory, distracting from the hollowness they feel at their core.
18. Feel the Terror of Being “Found Out”
Beneath the bravado is the constant fear their true self will be exposed. This is why they lash out when criticized. It’s also why they frantically seek to control everyone around them. The mask must never slip, as the shame of being seen as ordinary, flawed, and human would be psychologically devastating.
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