Narcissists thrive when their victims believe everything they say and do. When you start seeing red flags, they might start changing their behaviors. A narcissist needs their victim to remain in their power to gain an ego boost, consistent attention and total control, after all. These are a few things a narcissist does when they realize you’re seeing through them and starting to want out of the toxic dynamic.
1. They lose some of their charm.
No one starts a relationship with a narcissist because they’d love to experience a toxic relationship. Narcissists know how to charm people. Kind words and affectionate actions pull their victims in by building trust. When you see through this act, the narcissist may not put as much effort into being charming because they don’t appear as genuine anymore.
2. They make their history of abuse the most important thing in the room.
Research shows that narcissism often develops after someone experiences trauma in childhood. They may use their real trauma to shift your focus after you see some red flags. They could claim that what you’re doing is triggering their trauma history, so you’re actually the bad guy in the situation. In reality, you’re just vocalizing a need or drawing healthy boundaries. The narcissist hopes your empathy overrides your ability to recognize that they aren’t treating you right. It guilts you into not vocalizing your concerns while they cause emotional trauma in real-time.
3. They start acting like they’re the victim.
When you ask a narcissist to stop making passive-aggressive comments toward you, they might claim you’re actually in the wrong. Calling their comments passive-aggressive hurts their feelings, so you shouldn’t say things like that. The narcissist hopes to make you feel bad and not point out their bad behaviors or your needs ever again.
4. They claim you’re out of your mind.
Narcissists hate to feel responsible for their behaviors. If you point out how something they did hurt you, they might gaslight you into believing the action wasn’t hurtful at all. Phrases like, “You’re being irrational,” or “You’re not thinking straight,” makes victims doubt their own sanity.
Gaslighting is difficult to catch in real time because it can appear in everyday conversations, making it seem like a normal thing to say. The phrases belittle you, eating away at your self-worth until you don’t believe you should advocate for yourself anymore.
5. They blame their behaviors on you.
Some narcissists cling to whatever power they have in a relationship by making their victim responsible for everything. A narcissist might say they wouldn’t treat you badly if you hadn’t done something to deserve it, like hurting their feelings. It makes the victim believe that everything in the relationship will improve if they become perfect by accepting abuse without question.
6. They start the love bombing phase all over again.
Love bombing takes on various forms, which makes it genuinely enjoyable. After you raise a concern and the narcissist belittles or yells at you, they might shower you with gifts and compliments to rebuild your attachment to them.
They could even provide the personal time you wanted, demonstrating healthy or loving behaviors during that period. It never lasts long though because the narcissist’s real goal is going back to their unhealthy behaviors.
7. They begin isolating you from other people who see through the narcissistic behaviors.
If you don’t have anyone to talk to about a narcissist’s red flags, you don’t get a second or third opinion from someone outside of the situation. A narcissist drives their victims away from family and friends for that exact purpose. You’ll more easily believe the red flags are all in your head if no one can confirm them.
8. They double down on their behaviors.
After calling you crazy for drawing a boundary, a narcissist might start breaking that boundary more. Imagine asking a narcissist to stop calling you a derogatory nickname. If they start only calling you that nickname, it proves that vocalizing your needs amounts to nothing. You might choose not to say anything about further toxic behaviors because you’ve tried and failed to stop them before.
9. They threaten that they’ll leave you.
Narcissists threaten to leave people once those people see through their bad behaviors. This might only happen if the victim relies on the narcissist for financial support. It’s also common after the narcissist successfully drives the victim’s family or friends away. If the victim left, they’d be alone. The victim might think it’s better to deal with a toxic person than live in total isolation.
This tactic raises the stakes, which amps up a narcissist’s emotional energy. Narcissists love creating drama to gain attention, especially if it results in heightened emotions. Raising the stakes makes you need them more. It satisfies the narcissist’s need for attention and an ego boost.
10. They get their friends on their side.
A narcissistic individual might not stop at isolating you or making you feel crazy after you start sticking up for yourself. They could also start getting their friends on their side, especially if those friends haven’t seen the narcissist’s toxic red flags. When other people stick up for the narcissist’s character, it makes victims feel even crazier and more alone.
11. They invade your privacy.
Control is essential for narcissists. If they feel you becoming your own person, they might take extra lengths to get more control over you. They could start reading your texts and emails when you leave your phone in the room. They might open your mail or show up when you’re hanging out with friends. It’s all supposed to ease their anxiety by giving them more power over you.
12. They demand more time together.
Ego-driven narcissists want to make themselves your whole world. If you’re always focused on them, you won’t have time to think about anything else, like what you want or need. Narcissists might bombard you with texts at all hours of the day or show up wherever you spend time to make themselves a bigger, scarier presence in your life.
13. They start using therapy language to seem smarter than you.
If you begin using words like “boundaries” and “mental health” around a narcissist, they might worry that you’re learning too much about toxic behavioral patterns. They’ll manipulate you by making themselves seem smarter with therapy talk.
This strategy weaponizes therapy language instead of using it to effectively communicate together and form a healthy bond. They’ll claim things like how you’re causing the trauma, prioritizing your own needs too much or other phrases that might sound like they’re standing up for themselves. In reality, they’re trying to make you feel like you don’t actually know what you’re talking about.
14. They ruin external aspects of your life.
Some narcissists punish their victims to make them stop complaining about toxic behaviors. If you work a customer service job, a narcissist could flood your manager with bad reviews about you from different fake accounts to make your work life harder. They might start lying to your friends to make your social groups doubt you or break your things so you can’t enjoy your hobbies. Every effort is supposed to break you down so you become hurt, tired or scared enough to put up with their bad behaviors again.
15. They ghost you.
When a narcissist can’t prevent you from leaving, they’ll try to leave you first. Narcissist behaviors are all about self-protection. They can’t stand the idea of getting hurt or being in the wrong. They’ll leave you first and block you on social media to continue making themselves the victim, ultimately avoiding taking any responsibility for their actions.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
