Has someone ever given you a compliment that had you shaking your head in confusion? Maybe at first their words seemed positive, but they left you feeling angry or they zapped your self-confidence. The person might not have dished the compliment to be nasty, but it certainly feels that way! Here are 16 so-called compliments that are actually not at all flattering.
1. “I love your new haircut. It softens your face.”
While everyone wants to hear that their new haircut looks great and really suits them, it’s not cool to make them feel like there’s something wrong with their face that their hair needed to fix, or “soften” in this case. Just leave it at the “nice hair” and don’t say anything else!
2. “You’re so strong/brave!”
Someone telling you that you’re strong or brave because you’ve been going through a tough time is usually coming from a good place, and maybe they legitimately feel proud of you. However, it can also come across as condescending, the Berkeley Well-Being Institute explains. They might as well pat you on the back or stick a star on your forehead. After hearing that you’re “so strong,” chances are that you start to feel like you’re actually not because they’re laying it on so thick.
3. “You’re a good driver… for a woman!”
Any compliment that ends with “for a woman” is totally sexist and needs to be banned right now. Besides, it’s not a compliment to tell a woman that they’re skilled at something which every other woman is assumed to suck at — this stereotype isn’t just dumb, it’s also misogynistic and completely untrue.
4. “You did a fantastic job on that all by yourself.”
Telling someone that they did a wonderful job at work or when cleaning their home is nice, but mentioning that they did the job “all by themselves” is super-insulting. It makes them feel like they’re being talked down to, almost like they’re a child who couldn’t be trusted to do anything without enlisting other people’s help.
5. “You look great for your age.”
Physical appearance isn’t everything, but we all want to feel attractive. However, adding “for your age” to the end is a big no-no. It’s so insulting because it implies that they don’t look as good as they could’ve if they were younger. It also tells the person that they’re attractive within their age bracket, but not in a universal way.
6. “How are you still single?”
The person saying this might think they’re being super complimentary by asking someone why no one has snatched them up yet, but it often backfires. Instead of making the person feel good about themselves, it makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them because they should have found a partner by now. By the way, why can’t someone be the full package and be single? Does beauty require a relationship status? Single people are flourishing!
7. “You’ve lost so much weight — you look amazing!”
Can people stop thinking they have a right to comment on other people’s bodies? It doesn’t matter if someone’s lost weight and this has enhanced their appearance in your opinion. It’s not something you should comment on, especially because you don’t know the circumstances of their weight loss. Just tell them they look good without mentioning how many pounds they’ve shed, okay?
8. “You’re so gorgeous, but you should smile more.”
This tends to be a “compliment” men give to women, and it’s sure to get your blood boiling. No one should ever tell a woman to smile more because that puts pressure on her to be more agreeable and lady-like when she should be allowed to be whatever she likes.
9. “You look so pretty when you don’t wear makeup.”
Although some people might make this comment without being malicious, it’s still hurtful because they’re implying that there are conditions to the person’s attractiveness. So, for example, the person receiving this “compliment” might feel self-conscious about wearing makeup out of fear that it decreases their physical appeal.
10. “You’re more attractive in person.”
No one wants to hear that they’re more attractive in real life than in the photos they post on social media or dating apps. This can zap their confidence and make them second-guess all their online images. With so much pressure to look good online, which has fuelled the filter craze, it’s insulting! Imagine being told this on a blind date with someone you’ve met on a dating app — cringe!
11. “I love that you don’t care about your appearance.”
This so-called compliment is wrong on so many levels. Who said that the person doesn’t put effort into their appearance? It’s unfair to judge them for what you consider to be a lazy approach to their clothes and hair. Maybe they don’t dress up every day because it’s not their vibe, but that doesn’t mean they’re careless about it or that they don’t look after themselves.
12. “You look healthy.”
This is a tricky one because, while it sounds like a positive comment, it’s not always taken in that way. When someone says, “You look healthy” or “You’re looking well,” it implies that the person didn’t look that way before, which can make them feel self-conscious or unconfident about their previous appearance. Some people also feel like being called “healthy” means they’ve put on weight, which can be triggering for them if they have body-image concerns, Healthline notes.
13. “You look wonderful today.”
While there’s nothing wrong with telling someone they look wonderful or attractive, it’s kind of weird to add “today.” The person’s going to think, “What, did I look like crap yesterday?” When giving someone a compliment, it’s better to be specific about what you like about their look and make it meaningful without putting a date or timestamp on it.
14. “I wish I was as chilled as you are about…”
Maybe you really admire how your co-worker or friend doesn’t let stress get to them, but this doesn’t mean it’s okay to tell them, “I wish I was as chilled as you are about the upcoming exam,” or, “I wish I was as chilled as you are about the future.” They might think what you’re really saying is that they’re blasé or have their head in the sand.
15. “You look refreshed!”
It’s not positive to tell someone that they look “refreshed,” even if their skin is glowing as though they’ve just returned from a beach vacation or spa. Honestly, it’s insulting because it’ll make them wonder how zombie-like they looked the previous day. If you’re genuinely impressed by their new haircut or skincare regime, rather ask them about it!
16. “You have a unique sense of style.”
Although being unique is always cool, this compliment can fall flat by making the person receiving it feel like the word “unique” is a kinder way of saying that their style is unusual or downright weird. Everyone wants to stand out, but still be seen as fitting in with a norm, so this one’s tricky. They might also wonder why the person didn’t just tell them that they like their fashion sense, as that would’ve kept it simple and avoided misinterpretation.
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