We all have cringeworthy moments where something slips out we later regret, but when specific phrases become a pattern, they subtly destroy what other people think of you. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Awareness is the first step to change, and removing certain words from your vocabulary altogether can help rehab your reputation. Here are the kind of statements that, regardless of intentions, instantly broadcast a lack of refinement.
1. “I’m Not [Prejudiced], But…”
Prefacing your statement with this faux-disclaimer doesn’t magically make what you’re about to say any less prejudiced. It just announces that you know you’re about to say something offensive. If you feel the need for this preamble, that’s your cue to stop talking. There’s no “but” — just bite your tongue. You know the old adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all”? Follow it.
2. Name-Dropping to Sound Important
“My cousin’s neighbor’s hairdresser once cut Brad Pitt’s hair…” Trying to boost your status by association comes off as insecure, not impressive. If you have genuinely interesting stories about cool people, let those emerge organically in conversation, don’t force it as a bid for respect.
3. “My ex was crazy/psycho!”
Disparaging your ex’s mental health is tasteless and immature. It also makes people wonder what you might someday say about them behind their back if things go south. If your past relationships didn’t work out, stick to the facts or keep the editorializing to yourself. Badmouthing exes is a bad look.
4. “Must be nice!” (said bitterly)
This backhanded remark reeks of jealousy and resentment. Instead of begrudging someone else’s success or good fortune, look at what steps you can take in your own life to achieve your goals. Tearing other people down won’t elevate you. If you truly feel happy for the person, say so sincerely without the snide addendum.
5. “I could never do a minimum wage job.”
This is such a classist, elitist thing to say. All work has dignity and all jobs play an essential role in society. Don’t put down honest labor in a misguided attempt to feel superior. It won’t earn you any favors if you come across hard times yourself someday.
6. “I hate drama.”
The people who say this are usually the ones stirring the pot. If you really hated drama, you’d stay above the fray instead of inserting yourself into every bit of gossip and conflict. Those who protest too much about hating drama are often the biggest drama queens themselves. If you don’t want drama, don’t create it or engage with it. It’s that simple.
7. “Chill out!” / “It was just a joke!”
Putting others down and then hiding behind the “just joking” defense is a bullying tactic and a total cop-out. If your “joke” hurt someone, and they express that to you, a sincere apology is the only classy response. Doubling down by blaming the other person for being “too sensitive” only compounds the offense.
8. “Sorry not sorry!”
Equating wealth or fancy possessions with being a good person is a shallow misconception. Some of the classiest people are financially struggling, while some of the most boorish are incredibly rich. True class is about how you treat others, regardless of your bank balance.
9. “You should smile more!”
This is especially obnoxious when said by men to women. No one owes you a smile or cheery countenance. You don’t know what someone else is going through. Let people feel their feelings and express themselves authentically. Don’t impose your expectations on them.
10. “Why do they get a special holiday/history month?”
Designated days or months celebrating historically marginalized groups aren’t special treatment, they’re an effort to raise awareness and foster inclusion. Getting defensive or acting put-upon by the very existence of these observances doesn’t paint you in a positive, equalitarian light. Try learning WHY they exist in the first place.
11. “I’m a taxpayer!”
Congratulations, so are most people. Paying taxes doesn’t entitle you to special treatment or the right to hassle public sector workers. Bringing up your taxpayer status is a weak flex. Aim higher if you want to impress people or get your way.
12. “I’m colorblind/I don’t see color.”
Human beings aren’t colorblind and it’s disingenuous to claim you don’t notice race, The Atlantic explains. We ALL see color. Acknowledging that fact doesn’t make you racist. The key is treating all people with equal respect regardless of their race. Claiming “colorblindness” helps no one and makes you seem out of touch at best, or like you’re trivializing the lived experiences of people of color at worst.
13. “If they just worked harder…”
This common refrain blaming poor people for their situation is lazy, reductive, and ignorant of generational socioeconomic barriers. While individual effort matters, not everyone starts on equal footing or has access to the same resources and opportunities. Recognizing your relative privilege is uncomfortable, but necessary for an honest examination of success and social mobility.
14.”That’s not my job.”
If you’re asked to help with something outside your typical duties, responding with “that’s not my job” is a quick way to get branded as lazy, inflexible, and not a team player. If you’re genuinely swamped or unclear on what’s being asked of you, that’s one thing. But dismissively refusing just because the task isn’t in your job description reflects poorly on you.
15. “I’m SOOOO Busy!”
We’re all busy. Wearing it as a badge of honor implies your time is more valuable than others’. If you can’t make plans, a simple “That won’t work for me, how about next week?” is better than making it about how crazily important you are.
16. “I don’t really follow politics.”
In today’s world, political apathy is a luxury that only the most privileged can afford. Acting like politics don’t matter or affect you is a slap in the face to those whose lives and rights are on the line. You don’t have to be a political junkie, but claiming to not pay attention at all is just willful ignorance. Educate yourself on the issues and exercise your civic duty.
17. “You’re too young to remember, but…”
Automatically assuming someone is ignorant of something just because of their age is dismissive and myopic. Yes, you have more firsthand experience with certain historical events or cultural references. But younger people may be quite knowledgeable through education or personal interest. Instead of condescension, try asking what they know about the topic and having a respectful exchange of perspectives.
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