Fighting in a relationship doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you’re arguing in a healthy way and resolving your issues, fighting can be a way to make positive changes. But, it’s not always rosy. Some fights become toxic and they can pull the curtain on your relationship. Is this happening to you? Here are 15 examples of arguments that point to the end.
1. Your fights are becoming judgy.
A fight quickly becomes toxic if you’re not addressing your partner’s behavior but attacking their personality instead. So, if you tell them that they never do anything instead of being specific and saying you’d like for them to do the dishes, you’re implying that they’re lazy. This can be damaging to their self-worth and the relationship.
2. You always think you’re right.
Do you want to win or do you want to have a happier, healthier relationship? If you’re so focused on winning, like by having the last word or thinking your partner’s to blame for everything, this is going to put up walls between you two that will be difficult to break down.
3. Your fights are filled with abusive language.
There’s never a valid reason to use abusive language, like calling the other person names or swearing at them. This is a sign of a toxic fighting style that damages your partner’s self-esteem and self-worth. It’s hard to come back from this type of argument because it’s so degrading.
4. Your fights lead to physical violence.
Another huge red flag in a relationship is if fights become violent. No matter what you’ve said or done, there’s never a valid excuse for someone to shove you or throw something at you. When this happens, it’s time to call it a day and get out, before the toxicity and abuse continue. Things won’t get better, they’ll just worsen over time.
5. You fight about non-negotiable issues.
While compromise is important in relationships, if partners can’t seem to find a middle ground on what they want and fight about it a lot, this can lead to bigger issues. For example, maybe your partner wants to have kids and you don’t, but neither one of you wants to compromise so you end up in a stalemate. Fighting about such issues can lead to dead ends and breakups.
6. You’re fighting on a loop.
Some fights carry on and on and on. Before you realize it, you and your partner have been fighting about the same old things for months now. Ugh. Save your favorite Netflix shows to watch on repeat and get to the bottom of the issue so you can move forward. It’s helpful to get a therapist’s perspective on the issues at play, to see if you can work through them.
7. You’re shutting down.
You can’t resolve your relationship issues if you don’t want to get your hands dirty. If you keep checking out of the relationship whenever there’s tension or you hang up the phone during an argument, this tells your partner that you’re not invested in working on your problems.
8. Your fights are about a lack of trust.
There could be an undercurrent in your fights, and a big one is a lack of trust. If this is what’s driving the constant arguing, it points to a much larger crack in the relationship that isn’t always easy to patch up. Maybe there was a betrayal or infidelity you can’t seem to glaze over anymore. It could be time to pack things up.
9. You’re fighting on social media.
When couples reach a point of fighting in front of others and airing their dirty laundry, whether offline or on social media, it’s a huge red flag that things are going south fast. When there’s a total lack of respect for each other’s privacy and dignity, it’s bad news.
10. You’re fighting for the sake of it.
It might feel like your partner starts fights for no good reason. The fights might be about silly or trivial things, but there are usually deeper issues at play. For example, maybe your partner has unresolved anger or you both have poor communication skills that make it difficult to resolve relationship issues. In some cases, your partner might be fighting with you to push you to break up with them so that they don’t have to be the ones to do it.
11. Your values clash.
If you and your partner regularly have disagreements about your core values, like differences in your life goals or religious beliefs, this could create a struggle to compromise. For example, maybe having freedom and independence is non-negotiable for you but your partner is focused on having safety and security, and it’s causing a huge rift in your relationship. When these differences come to a head, it can make you realize that your relationship is unsustainable.
12. Your relationship is stuck in a rut.
It can be frustrating for your relationship to remain stuck at one dating milestone without experiencing any progress. Maybe you want to move in with your partner or get married, but your partner is stalling. This could cause lots of fighting, making you struggle to know if it’s worth staying in the relationship if your needs aren’t being met. The thing is, if you and your partner are on different pages and want the relationship to head in different directions, this can make you stressed out or combative, creating a toxic situation.
13. You want to change your partner.
You might feel like your partner has to change some of their behaviors in order for you to be happy, but you can’t fix anyone—it’ll only result in resentment and frustration. If you can’t embrace your partner for who they are, instead of viewing them as a work in progress, that’s a red flag that certain points to the end of the relationship.
14. Your fights don’t get fixed.
It’s never a good sign if couples can’t work through their issues, whether alone or with the help of a qualified therapist. If you keep bringing up previous problems, maybe they’re too big to overcome. By staying, you’ll just keep yourself stuck in the negativity further stunting your relationship.
15. Your fights are surface-level and don’t explore deeper issues.
If you and your partner are fighting over silly things that seem like no big deal, such as what brand of shampoo to buy, the real issue is something else. If you don’t take a deep dive into that larger issue, you’ll remain stuck in a fighting loop. It’s only a matter of time before it signals the end of your relationship.
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