When we commit to marriage, we envision a lifelong journey filled with love, laughter, and unwavering support. However, the reality is that even the strongest marriages can slowly unravel if we’re not vigilant about nurturing them. If you want to protect the health of your marriage, it’s crucial to be aware of the subtle ways you may be undermining it, often without even realizing it. Here are the potential culprits that could be quietly chipping away at the foundation of your relationship.
1. You’re comfortable…too comfortable
It’s easy to get into a routine and feel comfortable enough around your partner to let certain things—like self-care, personal growth, or goals for the future—fall by the wayside. But this can create an imbalance in the relationship, especially if your partner is doing those things for themselves. This leaves you depleted and unable to be fully present for and with your partner.
2. You love the silent treatment
When you and your partner have a disagreement, it’s not uncommon for you to withdraw or shut down emotionally. We get it, you want to avoid escalation (don’t we all?), but stonewalling your spouse is a one-way ticket to resentment—all it does is chip away at trust and prevent you from working through the issues at hand.
3. You don’t want outside help
Silent treatment aside, you firmly believe that the issues between your partner and you should stay between the two of you. You have this idea that you should be able to work it out on your own, but there’s no shame in seeking professional support. It’s 2024, therapy is in!
4. You have trouble adapting and evolving with the relationship
You’re used to things being a certain way and you like how they are, thank you very much. But here’s the thing about marriages: the people in them are constantly growing and evolving. Being rigid about certain patterns, or behaviors, or just having a general unwillingness to adjust to your partner’s changing needs can create a lot of disconnection.
5. You forget that it’s a friendship first
Fact: successful marriages are built on a foundation of deep friendship. If you’re forgetting that, then you may be contributing to the demise of your marriage. Remember why you’re with your partner in the first place—your shared love of art, music, and food—and work to cultivate that bond.
6. You never tell your partner how much you appreciate them
You may think that your partner just inherently “knows” how grateful you are for them—and they might—but it’s still nice to hear it every so often. Everyone wants to feel valued, respected, and acknowledged for what they bring to the table—not verbally expressing this to your partner can make them feel overlooked and unimportant.
7. You don’t participate in any activities together
Having your own hobbies and passions is amazing and important! But if all of the activities you take part in have nothing to do with your partner, that could be a problem. Marriage thrives when both partners cultivate interests and adventures together—neglecting to start something together (no matter how small) can lead to a ton of disconnection.
8. Your communication is off
Effective, open communication is one of, if not the most, important parts of a healthy marriage. Failing to regularly check in with your spouse, talk about what’s really going on with you, or make space for the mundane, everyday conversations is a quick way to help your marriage crumble.
9. You can be stubborn
No one likes to be wrong. But you take that to a whole other level—refusing to fess up when you’ve messed up and, sometimes, you even try to place the blame on your partner. Not cool! Owning up when you’ve made a mistake doesn’t make you weak, it makes you emotionally mature, and failing to take responsibility is a surefire way to mess up a marriage.
10. You don’t celebrate your partner
Whether they’ve accomplished something huge like a promotion at work or something small like beating their personal sit-up record, you don’t hype your partner up as much as you should. Sure, your partner can pat themselves on the back, but everyone wants to be celebrated and feel like their partner is proud of them.
11. Boundaries have gone out the window
All healthy marriages are made up of maintaining your boundaries. Whether you’re allowing your in-laws to overstep when it comes to the kids, not standing up for your partner in front of other people, or not respecting your spouse’s well-known limits, it creates an environment where trust and safety are undermined.
12. There’s no playfulness or laughter
Adult life is serious. That’s why it’s important to have a sense of levity, humor, and joy and inject it anywhere you can. No one wants to be in a marriage where neither partner ever has fun or falls into fits of laughter late at night. It has to be entertaining, because, really what is it all for then?
13. You haven’t addressed what’s been weighing you down
Your mental health matters—and if you continue to live with unhealed wounds or untreated anxiety, depression, or other challenges then that can cast a huge shadow over your marriage. It’s important to fill up your own cup and take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself and the best partner.
14. Milestones don’t matter
Remember when every anniversary, birthday, or special occasion was a whole to-do? If you can’t, then that’s an issue. Sure, when you’ve been together for years it can feel like you’ve been there, done that. But it’s so important to keep these traditions alive—it’s making memories and stating to your spouse that you care about your history together.
15. You don’t talk about the future
Listen, marriages take work. One of the reasons for that is that it is your job to make sure that you’re on the same page as your partner. Without a clear, aligned sense of your purpose, values, and goals that you want to achieve together, it can feel directionless. You might find you and your partner drifting down different paths which can create a lot of tension.
16. Intimacy and affection have been forgotten
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to let physical and emotional intimacy take a backseat. But failing to prioritize things like affectionate touch and deep, vulnerable conversations can make your partner feel starved for the basics of a healthy marriage.
17. You compare your marriage to others
In the social media age, it’s hard not to compare yourself to everyone’s lives. But here’s the thing: you’re seeing their highlight reels, not their behind-the-scenes. So consistently measuring your marriage against the idealized relationships you see on your screen (that often aren’t real) can spark a lot of unhealthy envy, insecurity, and unrealistic expectations even if you’re not outwardly communicating it to your partner.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
