Men aren’t always the best at expressing our needs and desires in relationships. Whether due to societal conditioning, fear of vulnerability, or simply not knowing how, many of us struggle to communicate what we really want from our partners. However, that doesn’t mean those needs don’t exist. Here are 15 things most men wish their partners understood, but that we might not always say out loud.
1. We need alone time.
Men need space to recharge sometimes — to pursue hobbies, hang with friends, or just be by themselves. It’s not about avoiding you, it’s about taking care of our own mental well-being. Don’t take it personally or make us feel guilty for needing occasional alone time. A bit of independence is healthy and helps us be better partners when we’re together.
2. Compliments go a long way.
Men might not fish for compliments like some women do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate them. Sincere compliments about our appearance, talents, achievements, or qualities go a long way in making us feel appreciated and boosting our self-esteem. Don’t assume we already know — tell us directly when you admire something about us.
3. We want to feel desired.
Men want to feel that their partners are attracted to them and desire them sexually. We want you to initiate sex sometimes, to let us know through flirting and touch that you want us. Feeling sexually desired makes us feel loved and validates us as men. Show us that you find us irresistible.
4. Emotional support matters.
Men are conditioned to be stoic, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need emotional support. When we’re stressed, down, or struggling with something, we need you to be there for us. Not necessarily to offer solutions, but to listen, empathize, and be caring. Make us feel safe being vulnerable with you, and don’t judge us for needing support.
5. Respect our interests.
So you think his hobbies or interests are boring or silly. If they’re not harmful, and they make him happy, be respectful of the things he’s passionate about. Ask questions, take an interest, or at least don’t mock or criticize. It’s belittling to have your partner look down on the things you care about. Respect that his interests are valid, even if they’re not your thing.
6. Hints don’t work.
Many men aren’t great at picking up on subtle hints. Whether it’s about what you want to do this weekend or an issue in the relationship, be direct. Don’t make us play a guessing game. Hinting might feel easier than stating something outright, but it often leads to confusion and frustration. Be straightforward and just tell us what’s on your mind.
7. Time with friends is important.
Just as you need girl time, we need guy time. Don’t make us feel guilty or get jealous when we spend time with friends. Encourage us to maintain our friendships and social life outside the relationship. You should do the same. Having a life outside the relationship makes us more well-rounded people and prevents codependency. A guys’ night out now and then is healthy.
8. We need positive reinforcement.
Men respond really well to positive reinforcement from our partners. When we do something you like, let us know. Praise us and show appreciation. It motivates us to keep doing those things. Criticism has its place, but it shouldn’t be the main way you try to encourage behaviors you want. Catch him doing good more than you criticize.
9. Sex isn’t always just physical.
The stereotype is that sex for men is just a physical need, an itch to scratch. But for most men, sex with a partner we love is an emotional experience too — a way to feel close and connected, to express love. We’re not just using you for physical gratification. Physical intimacy has deeper meaning, even if society tells us it shouldn’t.
10. Reciprocation matters.
Relationships take effort from both people. It can’t just be one person initiating everything — dates, sex, communication, affection. That feels imbalanced and exhausting. Take the initiative sometimes and put in an equal effort to pursue us, woo us, and invest in the relationship. We want to feel that you’re equally in this with us.
11. A little romance isn’t just for women.
Rom-coms and society might suggest romance is just something women care about. But men appreciate romantic gestures from their partners too. Surprise us with a thoughtful gift, plan a nice date, or leave a sweet love note. We might not gush over it like you would, but it still touches us and makes us feel loved and appreciated.
12. Our masculinity can be fragile.
For better or worse, men often have their self-worth wrapped up in things like sexual prowess, physical strength, status, and being a provider. Some playful teasing is okay, but be careful not to criticize or demean us in these areas that are core to our masculine identity. We can be sensitive about them, even if we don’t let it show.
13. Trust is everything.
Don’t let unfounded jealousy or suspicion creep into the relationship. If you’re always worried about him cheating with female friends or coworkers, that wears on him. It feels like you don’t trust him, and a lack of trust poisons relationships. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s never given you reason to distrust him, don’t invent reasons.
14. We get insecure sometimes too.
Men are conditioned to project strength and confidence, but underneath that, most of us deal with insecurities and self-doubts. We worry that we’re not attractive enough, not smart enough, not successful enough. And we need reassurance from you sometimes. Compliment us, build us up, let us know that you believe in us and find us attractive, funny, intelligent, capable.
15. Actions speak louder than words.
Showing love is more powerful than just professing it. Back up your “I love yous” with action. Cook for us, do a chore we hate so we don’t have to, wear that outfit we love on you. Show you were thinking of us or trying to make our life a little easier or better. We feel your love the most when we can see it in action, not just hear it.
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