Marriage is hard, and that’s putting it lightly. It’s a continuous give and take, an ever-present chance to put someone above yourself. However, it’s also beautiful and forgiving and offers the hope that we never have to be alone. It’s a gift to be loved despite being fully known—secrets, flaws, and all. In the throes of the hard days, when you’re ready to run your head into a wall (or theirs), you can implement tiny changes to your marital routine to make your bond unbreakable.
1. Commit to honesty in the little things.
Big secrets, like infidelity, are obvious no-nos, but it’s also crucial to commit yourself to being honest in the little things. If you forgot to take out the trash, don’t fudge an excuse. Just say you forgot. If you poked the bear, prodding your sister-in-law to respond the way she did, then own it. Honesty in the little things paves the way for honesty in the big things.
2. Set boundaries with in-laws.
If you aren’t buddy-buddy with your spouse’s parents or siblings, that’s okay. We weren’t meant to be best friends with everyone. However, a tiny way to keep in-law drama at bay is to set boundaries. If you can only be around his mother for a few hours, make that known to your husband. This way, you guys can plan events with his family within that time window. If her sister drives you crazy, have a code word you can share with her when you’re at your wit’s end. This allows everyone to show up for the other person’s family while knowing their boundaries are honored by their partner.
3. Revisit the budget at the end of each month.
This sounds taxing, boring, and like a party pooper (especially if the Amazon delivery guy knows your address by heart). However, money can easily cause riffs in marriage, as one partner tends to be a saver while another is a spender. Revisiting the budget and analyzing where the money went that month creates open communication around finances and offers the chance to see where money can be saved or better used for paying off debt or saving for a fun vacation.
4. Allow each other “me” time at least once a week.
If he likes to golf, let him visit the driving range for a few hours each week. If she enjoys grabbing dinner with her girls, let her have a night out. Yes, “the two shall become one” in marriage, but each of you is still your own person. If you stifle each other’s chances to invest in personal hobbies that bring joy, it’s sure to create angst.
5. Take turns with chores.
My husband is usually the one to take out the trash. I’m usually the one to fold clothes. But it never hurts to step in and take on the other person’s chores, especially if they’re having a hard day or have a full schedule with work or the kids. It’s a simple way to step in the gap and protect your partner’s physical, mental, and emotional capacity.
6. Be intentional with love languages.
Whether it’s an encouraging love note taped to their bathroom mirror or just holding their hand, recognize how your partner receives love and be intentional with displaying that affection. It’s important to remember that you and your partner won’t always receive love the same way. Maybe surprising her with a gift of fresh flowers is best, or serving his favorite dinner means the most.
7. Pray for each other.
In the Christian faith, the power of prayer can’t be underestimated, especially when praying together as husband and wife. It spiritually connects the two of you on an intimate level that can’t be matched. Consider praying for your partner and with your partner. Even if you aren’t the religious type, give it a try and see if it doesn’t create a deeper sense of vulnerability and compassion.
8. Engage in their passions and hobbies.
If he enjoys hiking (but you hate it), just suck it up for a day and try a simple, easy trail with him. Bring the dogs, pack a picnic, and make a date of it. It will mean the world to him! If she’s into a girly television series, pop some popcorn, pour some wine or Coke, and binge a season with her. It’s a simple, low-budget way to let her know how special she is to you.
9. Send all the GIFS and reels.
I’m convinced my husband’s love language is sending Facebook videos. He loves to send me funny ones about mom life, ones that offer tips and tricks for home renovation projects we’re currently working on, or ones that reference our favorite television shows or inside jokes. Sending reels or GIFS particular to your spouse and y’all’s sense of humor or life stage is an easy way to keep text messages fresh (and funny).
10. Keep laughter alive.
As mentioned, it’s important to keep things funny. Life is hard, and marriage is even harder because you shoulder both your burdens and your spouse’s. But humans weren’t designed to constantly carry the weight of the world, so God made laughter. My husband and I found a comedian we both enjoy. When his tours visit somewhere near us, we make a point to attend his show. We have a blast every time!
11. Have other friends beside each other.
There’s nothing wrong with your spouse being your best friend. However, you need more friends in. your life. Your spouse can’t be your sole friend. Your husband was not made to be the one going on all your shopping trips or getting manicures with you. It’s not your wife’s job to sit in a deer stand in the freezing cold every Saturday morning. Keep other healthy, encouraging friends in your life who have similar interests so you don’t put pressure on your spouse to be your only source of camaraderie and entertainment.
12. Get out of town quarterly.
About once every three or four months, the two of you plan a simple getaway. You don’t have to go far, but get out of town so you feel a sense of refreshment and adventure. Book a fun Airbnb in the mountains or take a weekend trip to a nearby beach. It shouldn’t be extravagant or kill the budget, but do something unique to re-energize. This will create new memories for both of you, letting you separate yourselves from work demands and daily chores.
13. Stay grateful for each other.
This has been a game-changer for me… that I didn’t employ until almost six years of marriage. But even if my husband does something basic, like making me a cup of coffee in the morning, I go out of my way to thank him. Practicing gratitude for the little things adds up and reminds you of how often your spouse shows up for you in the day-to-day.
14. Admit your shortcomings.
Obviously, you should confess your faults. Apologize when you’re wrong and remain steadfast in altering your behavior for the future. But don’t be afraid to admit the small shortcomings, either. If you’re not the best cook, ask your husband to sample the food and see what spice is missing. If you’re no good at picking out your daughter’s clothes, ask your wife to show you how to color coordinate their dresses, socks, and bows. This is a daily act of humility that shows your spouse that their contributions, no matter how small, are important and valued.
15. Keep mentors.
It’s so important to keep mentors as a couple. It’s even more beneficial if you have a married couple who’s only one life stage ahead of you, while another has been married 50+ years. The younger couple can offer fresh insight, as they just moved out of the life phase you’re entering. The older couple can offer wisdom that lasts the ages. Don’t count out advice from other married couples who know what it takes to make things last.
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