Narcissists give the impression that they’re confident and self-assured, but the reality is that they’re insecure and terrified of rejection. If you try to shatter the illusion they have of themselves and expose who they truly are, they can become angry or enraged. That’s why you have to be careful about what you say to them. Here are 15 things to avoid.
1. “Not everything’s about you.”
While you might want to give the narcissist in your life a reality check that the world doesn’t revolve around them, they won’t see this. They’ll just become more defensive and try to lash out at you for questioning them.
2. “Don’t play the victim card.”
Narcissists are always trying to gain sympathy from others and acting as though the world is out to get them. But, the thing is, they actually do think that they’re the victim in their life, even though they use this to manipulate others. You’re not going to get through to them or change them, so don’t bother.
3. “That didn’t happen.”
It’s freaky to witness how narcissists will spin the truth and believe their own lies, no matter how wild and grandiose. Although you want to set them straight and tell them they’re lying, this can be damaging to their already plummeting self-esteem. To deal with it, they’ll lash out at you or try to gaslight you further.
4. “Just get over your ex.”
Narcissists don’t “get over” things unless it’s their choice to walk away. Although you might be sick and tired of hearing them go on about what a piece of trash their ex was and how they want to get revenge, telling them to quit it and let things go isn’t going to solve anything. They’ll just continue their rant in another way ’cause they always think they’re right.
5. “Maybe you were at fault.”
When your narcissistic friend goes off on yet another tangent about how everything’s always someone else’s fault, the last thing they want to hear is that you think they’re to blame. Yikes. Get ready for a fight, because they never take accountability for anything.
6. “You’re so selfish.”
You know that the narcissist in your life is only focused on themselves, but pointing it out isn’t going to resolve anything. It’s just going to make you both get into a heated argument. Don’t expect the narcissist to apologize. Instead of doing that, they’re going to turn the tables and criticize you.
7. “You never listen to me.”
Chances are the narcissist in your life loves to dominate conversations and cut you off whenever you try to utter a word. But, telling them that they lack listening skills will just make them fly into a rage. They see any little criticism as an attack on their character.
8. “You’re not as special as you think.”
Narcissists want to feel like they’re unique and deserving of love. So, when you throw stones at this idea they have of themselves, it will cause them to get angry or punish you by stonewalling you. If you want to keep the peace, you don’t want to say these words.
9. “Let me tell you about my date…”
To stay empowered, you shouldn’t share lots of personal information with a narcissist. They want to control you by having all the deets about your life and being super-informed. They’re less interested in what you have to say and more interested in how they can use that info against you in the future.
10. “I’m busy, but you can come over.”
You might feel like you have to agree with the narcissists in your life and do what they want, like when they try to visit you late at night even though you’re busy. Don’t say “yes” to things you don’t want to do! Once you allow the narcissist to break one of your rules, you’re inviting them to trash your boundaries again and again in the future. This is how they gain control.
11. “You’re a narcissist.”
If you think someone’s a narcissist, you should avoid pointing it out to them. They don’t have self-awareness, which means you’re not going to get through to them. Plus, you can never be 100 percent sure that the person does have narcissistic tendencies if you’re not a licensed psychologist.
12. “I’m so stressed out about…”
Never share your issues and stressors with a narcissist. Although you might want to open up about your problems, doing this is dangerous because you’re going to be left feeling worse. They won’t give you emotional support or empathy—unless they expect something else in return.
13. “I have something to say, but don’t get mad.”
This is a no-no when dealing with a narcissist. It rubs them the wrong way because they’ll think you’re implying that they’re hostile or ill-tempered. Even if they are, they don’t want to confront those traits within themselves, so they’ll become angry.
14. “I got a promotion.”
While you don’t want to share bad news or drama with a narcissist, you should also be wary of sharing good news with them. This is because they will compare themselves to you, feeling envious or like they’re not good enough. When they respond to your good news by sulking or criticizing you, you’ll not only feel confused, but you’ll feel terrible. They always rain on your parade.
15. “Do you hear yourself right now?”
You’re annoyed when dealing with a narcissist, but asking them if they’re listening to themselves is never a good idea. Again, they lack self-awareness, so this isn’t going to help them to confront their manipulative behavior. You don’t want to have to deal with their anger and rage, so don’t give them your power.
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