If you’ve been wondering whether your marriage is truly meeting your needs, then you’re in the right place. From feeling lonely to leading separate lives, there are many reasons why you may feel unfulfilled. Read on to discover the 18 signs you shouldn’t ignore.
1. You can’t remember the last time you had a date night
When date nights become non-existent, that’s a red flag that you’re not feeling fulfilled. Sure, there are tons of valid reasons that may stand in the way of you and your partner having a romantic night out, whether that’s a job, kids, financial stress, or something else. But when neither of you tries to make date night happen and it’s blamed on external factors, you might want to ask yourself why.
2. You don’t confide in your partner
Picture this: you just got amazing news from your boss about a possible raise. Who do you call first? If the answer is anyone but your spouse, that’s a sign of trouble. Whether it’s because you don’t feel heard or seen by your partner or you feel more excited about talking to other people, not sharing life details with your partner is a big indicator of marriage dissatisfaction.
3. You don’t argue at all
This flip side of the obvious relationship red flag of arguing too much? Not arguing at all. Sounds counterintuitive, but healthy relationships have conflict and disagreements are normal. In fact, it shows that you still care and are invested in your partnership. When there’s no bickering to be heard, that’s a sign that both people have given up.
4. It’s just not fun anymore
Whether the absence of fun in your marriage is a result of unresolved conflicts, routine monotony, or a lack of effort, it’s definitely not the best sign. A healthy marriage thrives on doing fun things—shared activities, laughing, or just finding the joy in each other’s company—when those disappear, it’s important to address why.
5. Your lives are no longer interwoven
We’re not saying that you and your partner need to be attached at the hip, but there is a certain level of togetherness that contributes to a healthy marriage. Regardless of whether you have separate interests or schedules, your partner should feel like an active participant in your life. That looks like being able to share the small and big details about your partner’s day. If you don’t know those basics, it could be a sign you’re not fulfilled.
6. You hold grudges
A big part of being in a fulfilling marriage is learning how to let go. Will your partner do things that piss you off? Of course. Will you sometimes go to bed angry? Sure. But if you’re wallowing in anger and resentment over something your partner did or staying stuck in the past because you can’t get over how hurt you are, there may be a deeper sign of unhappiness.
7. You pick fights just because
If you catch yourself yelling because they left a sock in the dryer or fluffing the pillow the wrong way, that’s a red flag. We know that all couples fight, but if you find yourself picking at the smallest of things, you may be subconsciously trying to create distance and space from your partner. It might be worth it to take a deeper look at why you’re trying to create that space.
8. Your partner is always on the defensive
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If everything is always your fault and never theirs, that’s not a great sign. When a partner consistently places blame on you it shows that they lack awareness towards you as a person and as their life partner. Part of being in a healthy relationship is being able to say “sorry” and take ownership when the person you love is hurt—deflecting or justifying isn’t a good look.
9. You’re jealous of your single friends
When you’re in a relationship, you may have fleeting feelings of being nostalgic for your days of singledom. But if those fleeting moments turn into more permanent feelings of jealousy towards your unattached friends, be warned. A good rule? If these thoughts are more present than you are in your relationship, it’s worth unpacking.
10. You feel like they’re always criticizing you
The truth about marriage is that you’re going to get feedback from your partner no matter what. It only becomes a problem when that feedback turns into nonstop criticism about how you load the dishwasher, how you fold the blankets on the couch, or how you never seem to do anything right. Healthy relationships are about accepting your partner for who they are, when that’s no longer the case it’s an issue.
11. Every little thing they do bothers you
Have you noticed how irrationally angry you get from the sound of your partner chewing? If your answer is yes, then you may not be feeling super fulfilled. When tiny things start to annoy you to no end, that’s a sign that there’s something deeper at play. It’s not really the chewing—it’s that you feel taken for granted, don’t feel loved, or something else. The next time you notice your annoyance, try to dig deeper.
12. You keep thinking about cheating
Finding other people attractive when you’re in a relationship isn’t cause for concern, a certain level of that is normal. But if you find that you’re having recurring thoughts about emotional or physical cheating, then that’s a sign you do not feel fulfilled. It’s likely that something is missing from your marriage and you’re searching for it externally, but it’s important to pinpoint what you need before these thoughts turn into action.
13. Your relationship lacks intimacy
Whether that’s in the bedroom or a simple handhold when you’re walking down the street, intimacy is a super important part of connecting with your partner. When yours isn’t showing their affection or desire for you in any way, then that’s a sign of discontentment. Sure, there are ebbs and flows in marriage when it comes to intimacy, but take the time to uncover whether there’s something deeper happening.
14. You can’t think of anything nice to say about your relationship
Ups and downs are inevitable in all relationships. But if you notice that you’re only able to focus on the bad memories or the negative things about your marriage, then that’s a pretty stark sign the bad outweighs the good. On the flip side, if you’re actively trying to think of the good things in your relationship but can’t come up with anything, you might want to rethink things.
15. You prioritize friends over your partner
Of course, it’s important to make time for people outside of your marriage. But when it becomes the norm? That’s a sign that you may not be fulfilled. Your partner should ideally be your primary source of emotional support and companionship. When friends consistently take precedence, it suggests a lack of connection.
16. You’re fantasizing about divorce
Marriage is about love, trust, and commitment. When you’re mind turns to the D-word, that indicates that those three things are on a rocky foundation at best. Your lack of fulfillment might be leading you to thoughts of ending the relationship because that option feels more appealing than working through your issues.
17. You feel lonely
You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. When you’re feeling this way, it’s a clear sign that the emotional connection between you and your partner is lacking. Marriage should be one of your biggest sources of support and understanding—when you constantly feel isolated it shows that there are crucial elements missing.
18. Your partner won’t acknowledge the problems
Every relationship encounters bumps along the road, but if your partner refuses to acknowledge the problems that’s an issue. Whether they sweep stuff under the rug or simply won’t talk about how you’re feeling, it can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and disrespect.
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