Arguments and disagreements happen—they could be with a friend, family member, or coworker. But could there be a way to win these arguments and keep everyone smiling? Yup! It’s about finding a resolution that leaves everyone feeling respected and heard. Here are some tactics to use during a conflict that’ll help you come out with a win and a wave!
1. Listen more than you speak.
When you fail to listen, others feel the need to keep defending and explaining themselves. All that does is draw out the argument and cause your conversation partner to put all their time and energy into getting their point across instead of hearing you out. Give the other person your full attention. You’ll understand their viewpoint better, and they’ll appreciate and reciprocate your respect.
2. Stay cool, calm, and collected.
Big emotions can turn into big blowouts. When minor disagreements are approached with intensity, they’ll be returned with the same energy. Try not to escalate things because if you come at them with high emotion and aggression, they’re not going to see you as the rational one. So, take a deep breath, stay calm, and keep your tone neutral. A cool head always prevails.
3. Use humor (sparingly).
The heavier the argument gets, the harder it is to find common ground. The good news? A bit of comic relief can defuse tension and build rapport—keeping things on the lighter side shows your intention for resolution, not resentment. A well-timed joke never fails, just be careful to not come off as dismissive or condescending.
4. Acknowledge their point (seriously).
Even if you disagree, acknowledging the other person’s perspective shows respect and assures them that they are seen. Repeat their concerns back to them so they know you understand (or are at least trying to). The more they notice you trying to see their side, the more likely they are to do the same.
5. Find common ground.
In many arguments, both parties have the same end goal in mind (even if they have different ideas on how to get there): identify this common point. Starting with what you agree on creates a collaborative atmosphere rather than an adversarial one. Say something like, “Okay, we both care about this project succeeding.” That’s a great way to start.
6. Use “I” statements.
Try to avoid pointing fingers. According to Verywell Mind, ‘I feel’ statements are a way of communicating the speaker’s feelings or beliefs without blaming the listener. Instead of focusing on the listener’s actions, these statements focus on how those actions make the speaker feel. For example, instead of saying, “You never clean up after yourself,” try, “I feel stressed when the house is disorganized.” It’s less confrontational and more constructive.
7. Stay on topic.
When we get going about one disagreement, past ones can resurface. Since you’re already arguing about one thing, why not hash out everything else, right? Wrong. This ultimately drags out and intensifies the argument and strays you even further from resolution. Even if you think the issues are related, if they are not the current problem, they have no place in this discussion. Stick to the matter at hand and avoid a confusing, long-lasting argument.
8. Ask questions.
Not only does asking questions show that you’re invested in their perspective, but it also helps clarify points in their argument. Gaining a full understanding of where they’re coming from helps both of you tackle the issue in the most productive way possible. Stay away from assumptions! They can lead to misunderstandings and further conflict.“Can you explain what you mean by that?” goes a long way.
9. Stay away from using absolutes.
Words like “always” and “never” are rarely accurate and can make the other person defensive. Using more flexible language such as “maybe,” “I think,” or “sometimes” keeps things open-ended and promotes a more level-headed and genuine response. The less accusatory you are, the more willing the other person will be to listen.
10. Set boundaries.
If things get too heated, it’s perfectly okay to take a break. The old adage, “Never go to bed angry,” isn’t always the best sentiment—who wants to stay up all night hashing out an issue that’s not getting resolved because you’re both too drained? It’s okay to set a boundary and disengage because you don’t have the mentality to tackle the problem right now. What you can do is agree to pause the discussion and set a time to revisit it later. Take whatever time you need to cool down and approach the situation with a clear head.
11. Practice empathy.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Being empathetic to the other person’s feelings can help you respond more thoughtfully. By genuinely considering their emotions and viewpoints, you might see they have needs that can be met in a way neither of you even considered. Empathy can turn conflict into collaboration.
12. Use body language.
Your body language speaks volumes. Show with verbal cues that you’re engaged and open in the discussion—maintain eye contact, nod in understanding to signal that you’re listening and processing what the other person is saying, and avoid crossing your arms. Use your body language effectively to reinforce your commitment and cooperation.
13. Pick your battles.
Not every argument is worth having. Choosing not to engage in a conflict doesn’t always mean you’re admitting fault or that you’re wrong. Rather, it can be a strategic decision to protect your peace. It’s not a favor for the other person; it just shows that you understand that some things are more important and some arguments aren’t worth the stress. Sometimes, it’s better to let go and move on.
14. Be respectful.
Respect is the basis of any productive argument. Even when you strongly disagree, maintaining a respectful tone ensures that the conversation remains constructive rather than confrontational. Stay away from dismissive comments or name-calling, as these can worsen the situation and undermine any chance you have of finding common ground. There’s a reason they say you have to give respect to get respect, right?
15. Be willing to concede.
Sometimes, the best way to win is to lose gracefully. Admitting when you’re wrong can actually strengthen your position. The opposite of defensiveness is accountability. Doubling down on your mistakes won’t make either of you feel good. Recognize your part in the issue and be willing to back down when it’s for the greater good.
16. Keep learning.
Every argument is a learning opportunity. Reflect on what went well in the argument and what could be improved for next time. Then, use your insights to refine your approach to conflict resolution. Taking the time to learn from each argument helps you develop better communication skills and improves your ability to navigate disagreements effectively.
17. Celebrate resolution.
When you reach a resolution, celebrate it! Acknowledging the positive experience reinforces the idea that resolving conflicts constructively is rewarding. Whether with a handshake, a hug, or just a smile, celebrating the conclusion cements the outcome and provides a sense of closure.
