In a marriage, feeling valued and appreciated is essential for a strong and healthy relationship. However, there are times when subtle signs may indicate that your husband is undervaluing you. It’s important to recognize these signs early on and address them to maintain a level of respect and happiness in your marriage. Here are 18 signs to watch out for.
1. He Never Contacts You First, Ever
Relationships shouldn’t be tit for tat, but when you’re the one who’s making most, if not all, of the effort, that’s a problem. Whether it’s calls, text messages, or even stopping by his work during his lunch hour, you spend much of your time being the first to initiate. But him? He sits back and waits for you to do the work, which makes it clear he undervalues you.
2. He Doesn’t Make Any Effort to Make Up After Fights
Here’s the thing: every person deals with conflict differently. Some people like to chat it out immediately and others like some space, but either way there’s usually some sort of effort on both parts to make up. Not with your husband, though. Instead of trying to resolve or make amends, he ignores the issues at hand. If that doesn’t spell out undervalued, we don’t know what does.
3. He Comes and Goes as He Pleases
It seems like your partner has no responsibilities but himself—he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants without thinking about your needs or feelings. That points to complete disregard and being taken for granted. Here’s the thing: Relationships are made up of compromises and if your husband isn’t willing to meet you in the middle or meet any of your needs, he doesn’t value you.
4. You Can’t Remember the Last Time He Asked About Your Day
One of the nice things about being married is that there’s always someone who’s going to ask about your day. Unfortunately, you don’t see that benefit with your husband. You’re not sure if he forgets or doesn’t care but, either way, he doesn’t express interest in you and doesn’t seem to wonder about what you’ve been up to. When emotional intimacy is lacking, it leads to feelings of being undervalued.
5. He’s Available for Everyone Else But You
So, you need your husband to help you clean out the garage? Too bad, he’s already made plans with his buddies. Do you want a cute date night? Nope, he can’t, he has a “work thing.” If this sounds familiar and your husband is consistently making time for other people and neglecting time with you, he’s not valuing you the way you deserve to be valued. Not only is this hurtful but it’s extremely disrespectful.
6. He’s Not Concerned with the Small Details of Your Life
Who’s the first person you want to share news (no matter how big or small) with? If you answered your husband, you’re like most women. But if the other side of that coin is a partner who doesn’t show interest in your news or reacts with little to no emotion, that’s a big indicator of him undervaluing you. Your spouse should encourage and motivate you and be excited with you—if he can’t do that, that’s a problem.
7. He Refuses to Go to Couple’s Therapy
When a partner values you, they’ll likely do everything in their power to make you happy or make your relationship better. If your husband completely dismissed the idea of marriage counseling it not only indicates he undervalues you but it also shows a reluctance to address problems and work through them together. You might want to reassess where your relationship is heading.
8. You Pay for Everything
Of course, every couple’s financial situation varies and is unique but usually financial burdens are shared in some capacity. Husbands show their wives they care with small acts like taking them out to dinner, picking up flowers, buying small gifts, or other little things that show their love. If yours is failing to do so, then there’s a red flag with “undervalued” written all over it.
9. Your Opinion Doesn’t Count
When you try to voice your opinion or perspective on situations—whether that be a job, family-related, or something else—it falls on deaf ears. Meaning, your husband consistently disregards your input and shows pretty much no interest in what you have to bring to the conversation. Sometimes, you don’t even know what’s happening till it happens because your husband made the decision without you. Why? Because he undervalues you.
10. Important Dates Are Always Forgotten
Did Valentine’s Day come and go this year with not so much as a mention from your husband? How about your birthday—were you left feeling upset because your spouse forgot? If you’re shaking your head yes, then these are tangible signs your husband doesn’t value you. Remembering important dates is not only one of the hallmarks of a good relationship, but it also shows thoughtfulness and appreciation. If that’s not happening, reassess.
11. He Used to Be So Protective, But Not Anymore
Feeling safe and secure in a relationship is important. If your husband has become less protective or attentive towards your safety and well-being, it may indicate a decline in his regard for your needs. partner is generally protective of the ones they love, and they work to defend their honor. Once those qualities disappear, these are signs he doesn’t value you and no longer cares for you.
12. He Never Acknowledges the Small Things You Do
You’re always thinking about your husband and that shows up in many different ways—making him his favorite drink to come home to, picking up a shirt you think he’ll look nice in, or cleaning up after him when he’s had a long day. You don’t mind doing it of course, but it would be nice if he said anything to show that he appreciates the actions you take to make his life easier and show him your love. Instead, he just ignores it and you feel extremely undervalued.
13. Your Concerns Are Labeled as “Not That Important”
This is a big one to look out for and it can turn toxic very quickly. A partner who constantly gaslights you when you talk about your worries or minimizes your concerns is displaying an unhealthy power balance. In order to be in an effective and equal partnership, effective communication is essential and neither party’s feelings should be unheard or dismissed.
14. You Don’t Feel Special Anymore
Remember the good old days when your husband used to surprise you with flowers for no reason? If that kind of gesture of love hasn’t happened in a while, then that could indicate you’re being undervalued. Feeling special and cherished is a fundamental thing to feel in a marriage—if your husband never goes out of his way to do the extra thing, then you may want to have a conversation.
15. He Takes and Barely Gives
You do everything for him and yet…he does nothing for you. The dynamic in your relationship has felt more and more one-sided and you’re sick of it. If your husband consistently takes from you without giving back or reciprocating your efforts, that man undervalues you. And even if he does happen to help, it’s lackluster and without any real effort so you don’t even want to ask him to do anything again.
16. Your Texts and Calls Go Unanswered When They’re Away
When your husband is away, it’s like pulling teeth to get a call or text back. But when you’re together, he can’t get enough of his phone. This indicates a lack of prioritization and respect. If you’re noticing similar behavior from your spouse, then it’s a pretty good sign he undervalues you.
17. He Reaches Out Only When He Really Needs You
You’re starting to feel like your marriage is transactional because your husband only reaches out when he needs something from you. Whether that’s attending a work event with him or making wings for his boys’ night, he seems to only acknowledge you when he wants something. It’s icky and makes you feel used—the fact that he only cares about his needs and not yours is a huge sign he undervalues you.
18. Plans Include You Less and Less
When you ask what your husband’s up to for the weekend he seems to have already made several plans…that don’t include you. It’s not a good way to feel. It[‘s really hurtful when your partner prioritizes solo activities or time with friends over hanging out with you. This is a sign of a lack of consideration and a lack of valuing you and the relationship.
