We all have that inner critic, that nagging voice in our heads that loves to put us down. Sometimes it’s so convincing that we actually accept its harsh judgments as truth. There’s just one problem: that voice is often lying. Here are a few common ways your inner critic tries to sabotage you. Once you recognize them, you can learn how to fight back against those negative thoughts.
1. You compare yourself to other people and always come up short.
Scrolling through social media or watching seemingly perfect people on TV makes it way too easy to focus on what you lack. But remember, you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes messy reality to someone else’s carefully curated highlight reel. Everyone has struggles you don’t see. Instead of comparison, focus on your own progress from yesterday.
2. You dwell on your mistakes and label yourself a failure.
One slip-up and your inner critic is screaming about how you’ll never get it right. We all mess up sometimes! Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities, Forbes reminds us, not proof you’re a lost cause. Remind yourself that everyone successful has a long list of failures behind them – it’s about how you get back up, not how often you fall.
3. You focus heavily on your weaknesses and ignore your strengths.
That inner critic loves to zoom in on what you’re bad at. But what about the things you’re great at? Start making a deliberate list of your talents, accomplishments, and good qualities. Refer back to this list whenever you’re feeling down on yourself. It’s a great reminder that even if you have areas to work on, you also have tons to offer.
4. You think a single setback means everything is ruined.
One bad job interview and suddenly you’ll never find a job, right? Things not going perfectly on one project, it must be a total disaster! It’s called catastrophizing, where your thoughts spiral out of control. Step back, take a breath, and remember that setbacks are temporary. They don’t define your potential or negate your past successes.
5. You think everyone else is judging you as harshly as you judge yourself.
Ever felt everyone was staring and thinking terrible things about you? Newsflash: most people are way more focused on themselves than on you. Your inner critic projects its own insecurities onto others. Instead of assuming negative judgment, remind yourself most people are probably kinder than your inner voice would have you believe.
6. You dismiss compliments as people just being nice.
Someone says you did a great job, and you brush it off with “it was nothing.” This minimizes your accomplishments! Next time, try a simple “thank you” instead of arguing with the compliment. Let yourself feel good about the positive feedback, even if your inner critic doesn’t totally believe it yet.
7. You assume you’re not good enough and don’t bother trying.
Why try out for the team or apply for the job when you’re sure you’ll fail? This kind of self-defeating thinking keeps you stuck. Instead of preemptively deciding you’re not good enough, focus on putting in the work and giving it your best shot. The outcome matters less than overcoming your fear of trying in the first place.
8. You believe you always have to be perfect.
Holding yourself to impossible standards guarantees you’ll always feel disappointed. Nobody’s perfect! Strive for progress, not perfection. Accept that there will be good days and bad days, it’s all part of the process. Focus on giving your best effort, and show yourself some compassion when you do fall short.
9. You use harsh and extreme language towards yourself.
Words like “stupid”, “worthless,” or “loser” get tossed around by your inner critic. Would you ever speak to a friend like this? Try replacing those harsh judgments with more compassionate self-talk. Even something like “Okay, that didn’t go well, let’s try a different approach” is less damaging, helping you move forward instead of getting stuck in self-blame.
10. You take on blame for things outside of your control.
Your inner critic loves to make everything your fault. But a bad day at work, a friend’s bad mood, or traffic on the highway – these are likely not about you. Remember, you can only control your own actions and choices. Avoid the trap of assuming you’re responsible for everything that goes wrong.
11. You magnify small imperfections or flaws.
One pimple and suddenly you feel hideous. One less-than-stellar email and you’re convinced you suck at your job. The inner critic fixates on tiny flaws as if they outweigh everything else. Take those imperfections in stride, realizing they don’t define your worth as a person. Focus on the bigger picture!
12. You assume the worst without any real evidence.
That coworker didn’t text back – they must hate you. Your boss is in a bad mood – you’re definitely getting fired. Mind-reading is a dangerous game your inner critic plays. Instead of jumping to negative conclusions, challenge those thoughts and consider alternative explanations, or simply accept not knowing and let it go, Psychology Today suggests.
13. You focus on negative feedback while ignoring the positive.
One critical comment can completely overshadow the ten positive ones. Our brains have a negativity bias, making it easier to dwell on the bad. Make a deliberate effort to internalize the good feedback too. Write it down, celebrate it, and remind yourself of your successes when that negative voice starts to take over.
14. You see challenges as proof you’re not capable.
Facing a difficult task? Your inner critic tells you it’s a sign to give up, that you’ll fail. But challenges are where we grow! View them as a chance to learn, problem-solve, and become more resilient, not as evidence of your inadequacy.
15. You constantly tell yourself “I should” do things.
“I should exercise more,” “I should be better at cooking,” “I should be more outgoing.” This creates guilt and a sense of never being enough. Replace “should” with “could”. “I could go for a walk today” is less rigid, leaving room for flexibility and compassion towards yourself.
16. You believe your current feelings are permanent.
Having a bad day and you feel like you’ll always be miserable? It’s easy to forget that emotions ebb and flow. Feeling bad in the moment doesn’t mean you’ll feel bad forever. Remind yourself “this is temporary,” and allow yourself to feel the emotion without letting it define you.
17. You set unrealistic expectations for yourself.
Expecting to be amazing at something new overnight is a recipe for feeling discouraged. Growth and progress take time. Set smaller, more achievable goals, and celebrate the progress you make along the way. This way, you build confidence instead of setting yourself up for disappointment.
18. You compare your low points to everyone else’s high points.
Feeling behind in life because of social media? Remember, everyone goes through rough patches that you don’t see on their curated feeds. Compare yourself to your own past progress only. Are you further ahead than you were a year ago? If so, you’re doing great, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
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