The whole “fake it ’til you make it” thing when it comes to confidence includes the way you talk. You might not even realize it, but some of the things you say could be sending the message to the people around you that you’re riddled with insecurity and not very self-assured. If you don’t want people to get that vibe from you, avoid saying these things.
1. “I just think…” or “I just wanted to say…”
It dilutes your point before you even make it! This language subconsciously makes your opinion seem smaller. Remove those fillers and state your thought directly: “Here’s what I think…” or “I have an idea…” is a good place to start. It immediately projects more confidence.
2. Starting sentences with “Sorry, but…”
Unless you’ve genuinely done something wrong, avoid over-apologizing! It’s okay to ask questions, disagree, or request things without prefacing it with “sorry”. This doesn’t make you rude, it shows that you value your time and theirs by getting to the point.
3. “I’m not sure, but maybe…”
There are times for tentative suggestions, but if you do know, don’t diminish yourself! It’s fine to say, “I’m not 100% positive on the exact numbers, but generally, I think…” You’re acknowledging there might be some details missing, while still showing you generally know what you’re talking about.
4. “Actually…” before correcting someone
This word comes across as a bit combative, and can put the other person on the defensive, KCRW explains A softer approach that still gets the correction across is something like, “Interesting point! I had a slightly different understanding…” Then, present your information.
5. “I’ll try my best”
It seems harmless, but implies the possibility of failure. If it’s something you can realistically do, be more assertive. “I can definitely take care of that” or “I’m on it” conveys more confidence in your ability to deliver.
6. Hedging phrases like “kind of”, “sort of”, or “a little”
Minimize these. They make your language vague and less impactful. Instead of “I’m kind of interested in that project”, a confident alternative is “I’m very interested in that project” or even just “I’m interested in that project”. Be clear and direct.
7. Using uptalk, where your voice rises at the end of statements
This makes you sound like you’re asking a question, even when you’re not, and it projects uncertainty. This takes practice to correct, but try being conscious of keeping a more neutral tone at the ends of sentences. Record yourself to catch how often you do it! It doesn’t go over well, The Cut explains.
8. “Does that make sense?”
Constantly seeking validation undermines your authority. You’ve stated your thought, own it! If they have questions, they’ll ask. This applies to emails too, avoid ending everything with “Thoughts?”, which often comes off as less confident.
9. Justifying yourself too much.
A simple “No, I’m unavailable that day” is enough. You don’t have to list excuses if you don’t want to do something. This is especially important for setting boundaries. Oversharing reasons why you’re saying “no” opens up opportunities for the other person to try and pressure you.
10. “You guys…” as a general address.
It’s casual to the point of diminishing your presence. In professional settings especially, address the group more formally: “Alright everyone,” “As a team…”, etc. This subtle shift makes your words feel more intentional and worthy of attention.
11. Tagging questions onto statements.
Instead of “I think we should focus on client retention… don’t you agree?” try “I think we should focus on client retention. What are your thoughts?” It’s subtle, but the first way seeks permission for your idea, while the second confidently presents it and invites discussion.
12. Saying “I feel like…” when expressing opinions.
There’s a difference between feelings and reasoned thoughts. “I feel like this project is off-track” weakens your statement. A more assertive version would be something like, “Based on the data, it seems this project is off-track.” You’re still conveying your perception, but with logic backing it up, making your input harder to dismiss.
13. Self-deprecating humor that undercuts your competence.
A little joke is fine, but constant “I’m so dumb,” or, “I have no idea what I’m doing” stuff destroys how seriously people take you. It’s okay to admit mistakes in a matter-of-fact way, but don’t devalue your skills just for a laugh.
14. Dismissing compliments with “Oh, it was nothing” or “No, I’m really not”
Learn to accept praise graciously! A simple “Thank you, I appreciate you saying that” is enough. Deflecting compliments minimizes your accomplishments and can make the other person feel awkward, like they misjudged your work.
15. “It’s fine” or “I’m okay” when you’re clearly not
Hiding negative emotions might seem polite, but it blocks genuine communication. It’s more assertive (and healthy!) to calmly address issues: “Actually, I’m a bit frustrated with how this is going,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed, can we discuss this later?” This opens a dialogue for solutions instead of bottling things up.
16. Not speaking clearly or loudly enough
Mumbling or talking too fast makes it seem like you don’t expect anyone to listen. Enunciate, project your voice (without yelling, of course), and don’t be afraid to claim space with your presence. Even body language impacts how your words are received!
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
