Sometimes likability isn’t about what you accomplish, but how you make other people feel. This is especially important when you first meet someone – first impressions are sticky! You can be brilliant, but if you come across as arrogant or dismissive, that overshadows everything else. Let’s deploy some phrases that build connection effortlessly!
1. “That’s interesting! Tell me more about…”
People love talking about themselves, Psychology Today notes. This shows genuine curiosity, making them feel valued. Bonus: you learn stuff! Works whether it’s their work, hobby, or weird pet obsession. Enthusiasm when they share is key, even if the subject matter isn’t your jam.
2. “I completely understand where you’re coming from.”
Empathy is your secret weapon, even when disagreeing! Validating someone’s perspective before offering your own opinion prevents defensiveness. Replaces “I disagree” with a softer “I see your point, and here’s another way to look at it…” Huge vibe shift!
3. “I appreciate you…”
Saying “thank you” is good, but this is next-level! Specifying what you’re grateful for makes it land heavier. “I appreciate you taking the time to explain that,” or “I appreciate you being patient with me” highlights the positive impact they had on you, building goodwill.
4. “Could you help me understand this better?”
Instead of defensiveness when confused, ask for help! This flatters the other person (they get to be the expert), positions you as someone who wants to learn, and avoids that argumentative “Well, actually…” tone that shuts people down.
5. “I love that idea! And what if we add…”
Collaborative, not competitive! When building on someone’s idea, start with praise. This shows you value their contribution while also being a team player. People are way more receptive to feedback or tweaking when they feel like their initial thought was respected.
6. “I could be wrong here, but…”
Softens strong opinions. Makes it a conversation, not a declaration of being right. This invites other people to share their view without feeling attacked. Great when the topic’s subjective, not fact-based. Shows you’re open-minded and adaptable!
7. “What do you think?”
So simple, yet powerful! This includes quieter people in discussions, shows you value their input, and it prevents you from dominating the conversation. Especially important in group settings, makes everyone feel like their voice matters.
8. Own your slip-ups with humor and sincerity.
Pretending to be perfect is alienating. “Wow, brain fart, ignore that!” or “Clearly caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet, sorry!” shows you’re human, and roll with the punches. Makes mistakes less awkward, tension breaks, everyone relates.
9. Remember their name (and use it!).
It seems basic, but how validating is it when someone remembers your name? Especially in passing: “Nice to see you again, Sarah!” Effort shows you care! If you’re terrible with names, admit it playfully: “Your name’s on the tip of my tongue, help me out?” Honesty is more charming than getting it wrong.
10. Ask follow-up questions based on past conversations.
“How’d that presentation go?” or “Any luck finding a new hiking trail?” shows you paid attention last time! People feel special when you remember details about their life. Pro-tip: keep a little note on your phone to jog your memory if needed. The effort is what matters.
11. Give specific compliments (not just generic “you look nice”).
“Love your earrings, so stylish!” or “You crushed that meeting, so articulate!” shows you’re paying attention to what makes them THEM. It also makes compliments feel more sincere, and everyone appreciates being seen for specific strengths, not vague platitudes.
12. Focus on shared interests, however small.
Do you love the same trashy TV show? Bond over it! Both hate olives? Joke about it! Finding common ground, even over silly stuff, builds camaraderie. It makes the interaction feel fun, reducing awkwardness, especially with new people you don’t know well yet.
13. Offer help genuinely, not just as a formality.
Saying “Let me know if I can help!” is polite, but vague. What’s better? “I’m heading to the store anyway, need anything?” or “Got time to proofread your email? I’m good at spotting typos.” Specific offers are more likely to be taken up on, making you actually useful!
14. “I remember when I was first learning that. It’s tricky…”
If helping someone who’s struggling, meet them where they’re at, Psychology Today suggests. Sharing a past fail of your own makes them feel less alone. Builds empathy without being condescending. Turns it into a bonding experience, not a “you’re doing it wrong” moment.
15. “What’s been the best part of your day?”
This one flips negativity on its head and forces them to focus on the positive, even if small. Also, you learn more about what makes them tick. Their answer says a lot about what they value, and gives you more conversational openings to build on.
16. Reframe negatives as opportunities.
Someone complaining about a problem? Shift it: “That’s frustrating, but what CAN you control in this situation?” or “What would make this better?” Solution-focused language is contagious, and it makes you someone people want around when stuff gets hard.
17. Ditch bragging, even subtly.
It’s tempting to highlight your wins, but comes off as insecure. Let accomplishments speak for themselves. If someone else mentions how awesome you are, that’s the time for a humble, “Ah, thanks!” People are drawn to those who let their work (or character) do the talking.
18. Smile and mean it!
This isn’t a phrase, but it’s still huge. Genuine warmth radiates. Even if you’re having a meh day, smile during the greeting. It fools your brain into a slightly more positive state, which shows on your face, making the whole interaction more pleasant for everyone.
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