Being in a relationship with a narcissist is damaging enough, but it’s what comes after your escape that’s extra scary. If you suspect a narcissistic ex (or any narcissist in your life) is getting way too obsessed with you, pay attention. Narcissists don’t play by normal rules, and their idea of “moving on” might involve stalking and messing with your head. It’s scary, and it’s important to recognize the warning signs so you can protect yourself, both emotionally and practically.
1. They won’t leave you alone, even when you’ve clearly ended things.
Narcissists hate losing control, PsychCentral notes. Even if you initiated the breakup, they may keep popping back up with “I miss you” texts, calls, or trying to weasel back into your life. It can feel flattering at first, but it’s usually about re-establishing their power over you. Blocking their number, social media, etc., is sometimes the only way to get them to (mostly) stop direct contact.
2. They suddenly show up in places where they know you’ll be.
Bumping into them once at your favorite coffee shop? Probably a coincidence. But them repeatedly “accidentally” turning up at your workplace, gym, etc., is a red flag. Narcissists enjoy playing mind games, and this is a way to stay on your radar and assert their presence in your life, whether you want it or not.
3. You get weird “gifts” or messages through indirect channels.
They might order something you mentioned liking off Amazon and have it sent to you anonymously. Or, they have a friend deliver a note saying how “lost” they are without you. It’s designed to make you wonder, engage with them, and basically keep the door open. Don’t fall for their manipulation tactics!
4. They try to make you jealous with blatant social media posts.
One day after the breakup, they’re posting loved-up selfies with someone new. They’re not actually moved on – this is a performance designed to hurt you, make you doubt your decision, and maybe even lure you back into their drama. Narcissists feed off of your emotional reaction, so the best response is no response.
5. They start a smear campaign against you.
Suddenly, mutual friends are giving you weird vibes or you hear twisted rumors about yourself. The narcissist needs to be the “good guy” in the breakup story, so they’ll paint you as crazy, unstable, whatever fits. This is hard to deal with, but remember: true friends will see through the lies, and anyone who believes the narcissist isn’t worth your time anyway.
6. You sense you’re being watched, even when you can’t see them.
Feeling uneasy at home, checking over your shoulder when you’re out…this is a sign to trust your gut. Narcissists enjoy feeling like they still have power over you, even from afar. If this is happening, take it seriously. Consider security cameras, changing your routines, and letting trusted friends or family members know what’s happening.
7. You hear disturbing details about your life through other people.
A friend mentions something you only talked about privately with your ex. This shows the narcissist is either keeping tabs on you or actively trying to find out information about you through others. It’s a violation of your privacy and a sign their obsession is escalating. Time to limit what information you put out there, and be careful who you trust.
8. They alternate between threats and apologies.
One day it’s rage-filled messages about how you’ve ruined their life. Then it’s sobbing apologies, begging for another chance. This push-pull tactic is meant to confuse and destabilize you. They want you scared one moment, then feeling like maybe they do love you. Don’t get sucked into the cycle, it’s all about control.
9. There’s a sudden uptick in activity from fake accounts online.
You start getting friend requests from random profiles, weird comments on your posts, or messages from people who seem vaguely familiar. This could be the narcissist trying to interact with you while staying anonymous. It’s a way to monitor your social media presence and maybe even try to draw you into an argument or exchange of messages. Be careful what you click on and don’t engage with these accounts.
10. They engage in “hoovering” in an effort to suck you back in.
Just when you think they’ve finally disappeared, they hit you with the ultimate fake apology, a grand gesture, or even pretending to have a life crisis to get your attention. Narcissists are masters of hoovering, saying whatever they need to re-establish a connection. They might seem sincere, but remember, it’s rarely driven by genuine remorse.
11. You’re being harassed by their “flying monkeys.”
This is a creepy term for people the narcissist manipulates to do their dirty work. Mutual friends, new partners, even their family members might start approaching you with messages from the narcissist, trying to guilt you, or trying to get information about you to pass back to them. Be wary of anyone suddenly inserting themselves into the situation, especially if they’re heavily siding with the narcissist.
12. They claim to have “changed” or suddenly start doing all the things you asked for while you were together.
One day they couldn’t care less about going to therapy, the next they’re announcing they’re getting “serious help.” They’re trying to win you back through an image change. Narcissists can be very convincing actors, but major personality shifts don’t happen overnight. This is likely another ploy to lure you back into their trap.
13. They try to isolate you from your support system.
They’ll badmouth your friends, criticize your family, and try to make you feel like you can only trust them. Narcissists want to cut you off from anyone who might encourage you to break free of their control, MindBodyGreen warns. Maintain strong connections with loved ones as they can be lifelines for support and reality checks when the narcissist is messing with your head.
14. They seem to know way too much about your new relationship (if you have one).
If you’ve started dating someone new, the narcissist might drop hints or make comments that reveal they have way more information than they should. This could be from directly stalking this person online, trying to befriend them to get info, or even harassing them. It’s a way to try to sabotage any happiness you have outside their control.
15. They threaten to release private information or photos as revenge.
This is a vile tactic. If you confided in them or sent intimate photos when you were together, they might use those against you as blackmail. This is emotional abuse, and in some cases, even illegal. If this happens, document everything and consider seeking legal support. Never give in to their demands; this only empowers them to threaten you further.
16. They orchestrate a “chance” meeting or constantly “bump into” you.
Their sudden appearance is meant to make you feel like it’s “fate” pushing you back together. But those “chance” encounters are often carefully planned with the intent to get under your skin and mess with your sense of peace. Stay strong and remove yourself from the situation, don’t let them engage you.
17. You find evidence of them stalking you online, through location trackers, or even physically.
Clearing your browser history and they still mention that website you were looking at yesterday? Phone battery suddenly draining due to “background apps” you didn’t install? These could be signs they’ve found ways to monitor your devices or movements. This is a major escalation, and your safety is paramount. Get tech-savvy friends to help you sweep your devices and consider legal options like restraining orders.
18. Your gut tells you something isn’t right, even if you can’t fully explain it.
Intuition is powerful! You might not have concrete proof, but you sense a dark undercurrent of obsession. This feeling is real! Don’t downplay your instincts. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or domestic violence hotline for help in deciphering the situation and forming a plan for your safety and mental wellbeing.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
