We all get a little clingy in relationships sometimes, especially when we’re head over heels.
That being said, there’s a fine line between being loving and being, well, a bit too much. If you find yourself constantly texting your partner, freaking out when they don’t respond right away, or feeling like you need their constant attention to be happy, it might be time for a little self-reflection. Being clingy and needy can put a strain on your relationship and even push your partner away. Don’t worry, though – it’s totally possible to dial back the clinginess and build a healthier, more balanced connection.
1. Identify the root cause of your clinginess.
Before you can address your clingy behavior, it’s important to understand why you’re acting that way. Are you feeling insecure in the relationship? Do you have a fear of abandonment? Or is it something else entirely? Once you identify the root cause, you can start working on addressing it. This might involve therapy, journaling, or simply talking openly with your partner about your fears and anxieties.
2. Focus on building your own self-esteem and independence.
Clinginess often stems from a lack of self-worth and a feeling of needing someone else to complete you. Focus on building your own self-esteem by doing things you love, pursuing your passions, and spending time with supportive friends and family. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be less likely to rely on your partner for your happiness and validation.
3. Give your partner space and respect their boundaries.
Everyone needs a little space to breathe, even in a relationship. Don’t suffocate your partner with constant texts, calls, or demands for attention. Respect their boundaries and allow them to have time to themselves or with their friends and family, Verywell Mind advises. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, not on constant surveillance or control.
4. Find hobbies and interests outside of your relationship.
Don’t let your relationship consume your entire life. Make time for activities and interests that are just for you. Whether it’s joining a sports league, taking a class, or volunteering for a cause you care about, having a life outside of your relationship will make you a more well-rounded and interesting person, and it will also give your partner a break from your constant attention.
5. Challenge your negative thoughts and insecurities.
If you’re constantly worrying about your partner leaving you or feeling like you’re not good enough, it’s time to challenge those negative thoughts. Remind yourself of your positive qualities, your accomplishments, and the reasons why your partner loves and values you. Don’t let your insecurities sabotage your relationship.
6. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly and directly.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you’re feeling insecure or neglected, talk to them about it. Explain what you need from them in a calm and respectful way. Avoid accusations or blame, and focus on expressing your own feelings and desires. Open communication is key to a healthy relationship, and it can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
7. Practice patience and trust in your partner.
If your partner doesn’t respond to your texts right away or wants to spend some time alone, don’t freak out. Trust that they have their own reasons for doing so, and that it doesn’t mean they love you any less. Learn to be patient and give them the benefit of the doubt. Trust is a crucial component of any relationship, and without it, clinginess and neediness can easily take over.
8. Focus on building a strong foundation of friendship and mutual respect.
A healthy relationship is built on a strong foundation of friendship, trust, and mutual respect. Spend time getting to know your partner as a person, beyond the romantic aspect of your relationship. Do things together that you both enjoy, have meaningful conversations, and support each other’s dreams and goals. A solid foundation of friendship will help you weather any storms that come your way.
9. You fish for compliments and reassurance.
It’s like you’re constantly throwing out bait, hoping someone will bite and tell you how amazing you are. You need constant validation from your partner, and you get upset or anxious if they don’t shower you with praise. This puts a lot of pressure on them and can make them feel like they’re not doing enough to satisfy your insatiable need for affirmation.
10. You get jealous easily and try to control your partner’s interactions with other people.
You see everyone as a potential threat to your relationship. Whether it’s their friends, colleagues, or even the barista at their favorite coffee shop, you’re constantly suspicious and accuse them of flirting or being disloyal. You try to control their interactions with people, checking their phone, questioning their whereabouts, and even isolating them from their social circle. This controlling behavior can suffocate the relationship and drive your partner away.
11. You have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries.
You don’t know where you end and your partner begins. You might try to merge your identities, constantly checking in with each other, making decisions together, and even sharing social media accounts. This lack of boundaries can lead to codependency and make it difficult for both of you to maintain individual identities and interests.
12. You have a fear of abandonment and often overreact to small things.
You live in constant fear of your partner leaving you, and any minor disagreement or change in their behavior can send you into a tailspin. You might become overly emotional, accuse them of wanting to break up, or resort to guilt-tripping to keep them close. This constant drama can be exhausting and emotionally draining for your partner.
13. You struggle to maintain friendships or relationships outside of your romantic partnership.
Your entire world revolves around your partner, leaving little room for other relationships. You might neglect your friends, family, and hobbies in favor of spending all your time with your significant other. This can lead to isolation, codependency, and a loss of identity. Remember, a healthy relationship should enhance your life, not replace it.
14. You become emotionally manipulative when you feel threatened or insecure.
When you feel like your partner is pulling away or not giving you enough attention, you might resort to emotional manipulation tactics. This could involve playing the victim, threatening to break up, or making your partner feel guilty for not meeting your needs. This behavior is toxic and can damage the trust and intimacy in your relationship.
15. You constantly seek reassurance of your partner’s love and commitment.
You need constant verbal and physical affirmations of your partner’s love. You might ask them to say “I love you” multiple times a day, demand constant reassurance, or feel insecure if they don’t express their love in the way you expect. This constant need for reassurance can be tiring for your partner and can create a sense of pressure and obligation in the relationship.
16. You struggle to respect your partner’s need for space and independence.
Even in the closest relationships, everyone needs some alone time or time with friends and family. As Psychology Today notes, this actually keeps relationships healthy! If you have a hard time respecting your partner’s need for space, it can make them feel suffocated and resentful. Learn to trust them, give them the freedom they need, and focus on your own interests and hobbies. A little space can actually strengthen your bond and make your time together even more meaningful.
17. You find it impossible to be happy or content when you’re not with your partner.
If your happiness depends entirely on your partner’s presence, it’s a sign that you might be too dependent on them. You should be able to enjoy your own company, pursue your own interests, and find joy in things outside of your relationship. If you find yourself feeling lost or empty when you’re not with your partner, it might be a good idea to explore your own interests and hobbies to build a more independent sense of self.
