People pleasing is a habit you can unknowingly develop with time. It might make you feel like you give more of yourself to others than you feel like you get back. In reality, these are a few things you don’t owe anyone — even members of your family.
1. Forgiveness for Their Unchanging Toxic Behavior
Forgiveness improves healthy relationships. It reduces tension between both people by letting negative emotions go before you both learn from the situation and move forward with your life together. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen with everyone.
When a toxic person does something hurtful to you, you might let them know what they did was wrong. Their emotional immaturity makes them demand that you apologize because calling them out hurts their feelings. You don’t owe them forgiveness just because they’re uncomfortable about their own harmful behavior.
2. Explanations for Your Identity
Everyone’s different. It makes life more rich and fulfilling, but some people don’t see it that way. A person might ask why you’re different from them by consistently asking for explanations about your gender or sexuality. If it feels demeaning or rude, you don’t owe them your time or an explanation.
3. Reasons Why You Still Have Roommates
Living with roommates isn’t an option for many people. You might need help covering the bills or living in an expensive city. People who didn’t need to have roommates for very long may have forgotten what that’s like. You don’t need to make up reasons for having roommates if they don’t accept your reality.
4. Apologies for Acts You Haven’t Done
People who over-apologize often say sorry for things they haven’t done on instinct. It might seem like a nice thing to do, but it’s not good for your self-esteem. You don’t owe anyone an apology for something you haven’t done. If someone says their happiness or peace of mind depends on it, that just means they aren’t capable of processing their emotions on their own.
5. Your Energy When You Feel Burnt Out
Burnout leaves people feeling exhausted. It comes from many things, like working too many long shifts or socializing long past the point of comfort. When you feel exhausted, in a bad mood or have other negative symptoms of burnout, you’re absolutely allowed to conserve your energy. Get the rest you need and you’ll be there for others more effectively later.
6. The Sacrifice of Your Personal Values
Sometimes, people will ask you to do things that conflict with your values. You might feel pressured to do those things anyway because you owe that person for helping you in the past. Even though saying no might make you more uncomfortable, you don’t ever have to sacrifice your values. Someone who loves you wouldn’t ask you to do that anyway.
7. Reasons Why You’re Single
You know why you’re not with anyone when you’re single. Maybe your former partner disrespected you by not listening or paying attention to you. Other people might ask why you’re not with a partner, but you don’t have to explain yourself. Let them know you don’t appreciate the question and move on.
8. Your Limited Alone Time
When you’re always busy, your alone time is precious. Someone who needs lots of attention might demand that you text them, call them or spend time with them when those free minutes arrive. You’re always allowed to say no and enjoy the alone time you need to recharge.
9. Changes in Your Spiritual Beliefs
Someone may ask you to change your spiritual beliefs when they’re uncomfortable. Maybe you’re spiritual and they’re part of a traditional religion. They might not know how to be friends with someone holding different beliefs, but it’s not your job to change or hide your spirituality just to prevent them from that kind of growth.
10. Reasons Why Your Physical Body Changed
It’s natural for someone to ask if something’s different when they see you undergo a notable physical change. It’s not okay when they repeat their questioning until it becomes rude. You don’t owe anyone an explanation if you’ve gained weight, undergone a cosmetic procedure or tried a new makeup style. You’re the only one who knows what’s best for your body and personal expression, so your approval is the only thing that matters.
11. Explanations When You Say No
When someone doesn’t respect your ability to say no, it likely feels as though they don’t trust you or your judgment. It’s demeaning and sometimes infuriating. You don’t have to prove yourself worthy of saying no. Everyone has the right not to do something that makes them uncomfortable, like not participating in a group activity that’s outside of their comfort zone.
12. A Change in Your Career
Loved ones might push you to make changes in your career occasionally. They’ll say it’s because they love you, but are you happy with your professional life? If your job makes you happy and pays the bills, you don’t owe anyone a career shift. They need to accept that someone can be happy in a career they might not choose for themselves.
13. Reasons Why You Love Your Partner
When you start dating someone new, the people who love you want to know about your new partner. They’re excited to hear why you fell in love, but they don’t keep pushing for information. If it feels like you have to prove why they should like your partner or respect your relationship, feel free to shut those unnecessary conversations down.
14. Your Time During the Holidays
A recent poll found that 85% of people find ways to get out of holiday plans with family members. You don’t owe anyone your time during the holidays. You deserve to be with people who make you happy. If that means you spend a special day in blissful alone time, your loved ones should respect that.
15. Reasons Why You Do or Don’t Want Kids
Having kids is an incredibly personal choice. You don’t need to justify your reasons for having or not having them. If it’s the choice that makes you comfortable and happy, it’s the right one. You don’t owe anyone your time or energy by trying to convince them that those reasons are enough.
16. Changes in Your Financial Life
Finances are another area where people can do things differently and find equal happiness. The way you pay off debt might not be how another person is doing it, but that doesn’t make one of you wrong. You’ll never owe anyone a change in your financial life just because they don’t understand or prefer it.
17. A Sacrifice in Your Boundaries
Boundaries show people how to treat you. If people cross them, you know they don’t respect you. The people who love you won’t push you to sacrifice or change those boundaries to accommodate their behavior. If they’re still confused about your boundaries after multiple conversations and demand that you make an exception for them, you’ll know other people are more worthy of your time.
