Growing up with a narcissistic parent is like being on a rollercoaster you didn’t voluntarily go on—it can be fun at times, and terrifying at others and that leaves you with a serious case of emotional whiplash. If you’ve been on this wild ride, you’ll probably relate to these experiences.
1. The “Everything Is About Me” Show
Starring: Your narcissistic parent Plot: Every conversation, event, or achievement somehow becomes about them. Your graduation? A showcase of their excellent parenting. Your wedding? A chance for them to shine. You’ll never forget the time you won that science fair, only to have your parent spend the entire evening telling everyone how they stayed up all night “helping” you (read: criticizing your work and insisting on changes). The spotlight always finds its way back to them, and you’re just a prop.
2. Guilt Trips Departed Frequently
Destination: Eternal shame and self-doubt. Luggage allowance: None (they’ll make you carry their emotional baggage). You can’t forget how every act of independence was met with a guilt-laden response. Want to go to a friend’s house? “I guess I’ll just sit here alone, after all I’ve done for you.” Thinking about moving out? Cue the tearful “After all these years of sacrifice, you’re abandoning me!” monologue. These guilt trips left you with an overloaded emotional suitcase and a PhD in second-guessing yourself.
3. The “You’re So Sensitive” Gaslighting Tactic
Remember when they did something hurtful and then told you it was all in your head? Like the time they “forgot” your birthday, then insisted they’d never forget such an important day and you must be confused. Or when they made a mean joke at your expense in front of others, then accused you of not being able to take a joke when you got upset. This reality-bending left you questioning your own perceptions and feelings.
4. The “Perfect Family” Illusion
According to Psychology Today, your parent tried to sell the picture-perfect family to the rest of the world. But behind closed doors? It was more like a reality TV show gone wrong. You learned early on that appearances were everything, and airing the family’s dirty laundry was the ultimate sin. This led to a lifetime of feeling like an impostor, struggling to reconcile your public and private selves.
5. The Comparison Game
Your parent could’ve won the gold medal in: “Why Can’t You Be More Like…,” the silver medal in: “Your Sibling/Cousin/Neighbor’s Kid Would Never…, ” and the bronze in: “When I Was Your Age…” You were constantly measured against an impossible standard, whether it was siblings, friends, or the narcissist’s idealized version of themselves. This left you with feelings of inadequacy and a tendency to compare yourself to others that’s hard to shake.
6. The Privacy Invasion
Your space, both physical and emotional, was constantly violated. Your boundaries? Breached. Your diary? Read…again. Your room? Tidied (more like searched). This lack of privacy left you with a heightened need for control over your personal information and space, sometimes to the point of paranoia.
7. The Blame Game
According to Simply Psychology when things go wrong, it’s never a narcissist’s fault. It’s yours, or the dog’s, or possibly the alignment of the planets. But definitely not theirs. Remember when they forgot to pick you up from school and somehow it became your fault for not reminding them? Or when their work project failed and suddenly it was because you were too noisy at home? This constant deflection of responsibility left you with a tendency to over-apologize and take blame for things outside your control.
8. The “You Owe Me” Eternal Debt
Basic parental duties were treated as huge favors that you could never fully repay. This created a perpetual sense of indebtedness and guilt, making it extremely hard for you to accept help or gifts without feeling beholden to the giver.
9. The Empathy Void
Your feelings entered a black hole, never to be seen again. It’s kind of like your emotions were written in invisible ink—no one could see them, least of all your parent. When you were upset, you were “overreacting.” When you were hurt, you were “too sensitive.” This lack of emotional validation left you struggling to understand and express your own feelings, often doubting the legitimacy of your emotional experiences.
10. The Spotlight Thief
Got into your dream college? Cue the story about how they were accepted to an even better school back in their day. Landed your first job? Suddenly it’s all about how they were making twice as much at your age. This constant overshadowing left you feeling like your accomplishments were never quite good enough and struggling to fully enjoy your successes.
11. The “Love Bombing” Whiplash
Side effects include emotional vertigo, trust issues, and a complicated relationship with affection. One day you’re the golden child, showered with attention and praise. The next, you’re persona non grata. This inconsistent affection left you with a rollercoaster relationship with love, often feeling uncomfortable with genuine affection or constantly seeking validation.
12. The Inivisble Achievement Cloak
Your accomplishments had a funny way of disappearing, didn’t they? It’s like they were wrapped in Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak— now you see them, now you don’t! This disappearing act left you struggling to take pride in your own accomplishments, always waiting for someone else to claim the credit.
13. The “I Know You Better Than You Know Yourself” Syndrome
Your parent always seemed to know what was best for you, even when it clearly wasn’t. From career choices to romantic partners, their opinion was the only one that mattered. This constant undermining of your autonomy left you second-guessing every decision, from what to eat for breakfast to major life choices.
14. The Emotional Hostage Crisis
“If you really loved me, you would…” “After all I’ve done for you, the least you could do is…” “Don’t you care about my feelings?” Your emotions were constantly held for ransom, with love and approval as the currency. This emotional blackmail left you with a complicated relationship with your own feelings and a tendency to put others’ needs before your own.
15. The “I’m Always Right” Doctrine
Fact: The sky is blue. Also fact: Unless your narcissistic parent says it’s green. Arguing with them was like playing chess with a pigeon—no matter how good you are, the pigeon will knock over the pieces, poop on the board, and strut around as it won. This frustrating dynamic taught you to either become an expert debater or to swallow your opinions to keep the peace.
16. The “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” Paradox
Exhibit A: “Honesty is the most important thing!” (While lying through their teeth). Exhibit B: “Respect your elders!” (While disrespecting everyone around them). Exhibit C: “Don’t be so selfish!” (While making everything about themselves). This contradictory behavior left you with a confusing moral compass and a tendency to distrust authority figures.
17. The Emotional Support Child Role
The job description: Be a therapist, best friend, and parent to your own parent; be available 24/7, no breaks allowed; and a degree in mind-reading preferred. You were often thrust into the role of emotional caretaker, far beyond your years or capabilities. This parentification left you with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and difficulty in maintaining healthy boundaries.
