Narcissists are master manipulators who have a knack for making you doubt your own sanity. The problem with this (other than the obvious) is that the tactics they use to control you, are often sneaky and hard to detect. But don’t worry, we’re showing you the sly tactics they use to mess with your mind—by the end of this article, you’ll be able to spot their tricks like a pro.
1. They project.
Here’s the deal: Narcissists have the ability to take all their not-so-great qualities—selfishness, dishonesty, jealousy, you name it—and project them onto you. It’s their way of dealing with the parts of themselves they can’t face. After all, it’s much easier to point the finger at someone else than to take a good, hard look in the mirror. This also keeps you on the defensive—when you’re busy defending yourself, you’re not focusing on their actual bad behavior.
2. They gaslight you.
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where narcissists make you question your own reality. They might deny events you clearly remember, insist you’re overreacting to their hurtful behavior, or claim you’re imagining things when you confront them about their actions. This constant manipulation makes you doubt your memory, judgment, and sanity, leaving you with a shattered sense of self-esteem.
3. They employ triangulation tactics.
According to Verywell Mind, triangulation involves bringing a third party into the relationship to create jealousy or insecurity. The narcissist might flirt with others in your presence, constantly talk about an ex or a “friend,” or compare you to others. The point is to cause you to feel like you need to compete, which can lead to insecurity, decreasing your self-esteem.
4. They may give you the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation where the narcissist withdraws all communication as a form of punishment or control. This can manifest as ghosting in relationships, stonewalling during arguments, or ignoring you in social settings. The impact? Anxiety, self-doubt, and a desperate need for their approval.
5. They love-bomb you, then withdraw.
It feels good when someone you care about starts giving you extra attention. Narcissists often begin relationships by showering you with affection, only to abruptly withdraw it later. This typically involves promises of a perfect future, followed by a gradual cooling off, and finally, complete emotional withdrawal. This rollercoaster leaves you constantly chasing the high of their approval, severely damaging your self-worth and leaving you wondering what you did wrong.
6. They criticize you extensively.
Narcissists love to offer unsolicited negative feedback about pretty much anything—your appearance, behavior, or achievements. They may disguise this criticism as “helpful advice” or use backhanded compliments, like “You’re so much prettier when you wear a little bit of makeup. This constant stream of criticism does a number on your confidence and makes you feel inadequate.
7. They ignore your accomplishments.
When something goes well in your life, whether it’s a raise or you won a few bucks on the lottery, you want to celebrate. But narcissists are great at ensuring your celebration is short-lived. They might change the subject when you share the good news, point out flaws in your achievements, or even take credit for your successes. On the flip side, they’ll always be quick to celebrate their achievements and expect you to be happy for them.
8. They rewrite history.
It’s so convenient, but narcissists often “forget” their promises or mistakes, or even rewrite history entirely. They might deny they ever made a promise, insist events happened differently than you remember, or claim you agreed to something you didn’t. It does a number on your memory, making you doubt your perception of reality, and causing you to not trust yourself.
9. They invalidate your emotions
Narcissists love nothing more than dismissing or belittling your feelings and emotional responses. They might say things like “You’re too sensitive,” “It’s not that big a deal,” or “Stop being so dramatic.” It’s not just about disagreeing with your response; it’s about denying your right to have that response at all, and that makes you doubt the validity of your own emotions and experiences.
10. They sabotage your relationships.
When a narcissist sabotages your relationships, whether it’s spreading gossip or lies about you, creating conflicts between you and others, or isolating you from your support network, it can have a substantial negative impact on your self-esteem. Plus, it leaves you more dependent on the narcissist for all of your interaction and emotional support—which is exactly what they wanted.
11. They play the victim.
A narcissist will portray themselves as the person who was wronged in order to manipulate your emotions. They might turn the tables when confronted about their behavior, use guilt to avoid taking responsibility, or claim you’re “attacking” them when you express concerns. not only does it make you feel guilty for asserting your needs, but it also prevents you from setting boundaries in the future.
12. They control you financially.
Using money as a means of control and manipulation is common among narcissists. They might control every penny that comes in and give you an “allowance,” criticize your spending while being extravagant themselves, or use the money to create a sense of obligation. This chips away at your sense of financial independence and self-sufficiency, deteriorating your self-esteem.
13. They withhold affection.
Narcissists often use affection as a reward or punishment. They might become cold and distant when you don’t meet their expectations, only show affection when they want something from you, or criticize you and call you “needy.” This behavior creates a cycle of anxiety and a need for validation—it’s not a good feeling.
14. They move the goalposts
The thing about narcissists is they continuously change expectations so you can never meet them. They might criticize your success for not being “good enough,” add new conditions to promises they’ve made, or constantly raise the bar for what they deem as acceptable behavior. This tactic creates a sense of failure and inadequacy.
15. They use your insecurities against you.
Narcissists love to exploit your vulnerabilities to maintain control. Maybe they bring up past mistakes or failures, mock your insecurities (often calling them “jokes”), or use confidential knowledge against you in arguments. Not only does this behavior deepen insecurities that already exist, but it creates new ones, too.
This article was created by a human with the assistance of AI.
