People who weaponize jealousy to get your attention have their own insecurities driving them. This could be an ex trying to sabotage your happiness, a “friend” threatened by your success, or a crush who enjoys feeling desired, even if they don’t reciprocate those feelings. Recognizing their motivations gives you the upper hand — not that you should want someone who thinks this behavior is appropriate in your life in the first place, of course!
1. They flaunt their new relationship (or potential relationship) in your face.
Endless social media posts gushing over their partner or strategically mentioning an upcoming date night in a group conversation are designed to make you feel insecure, Psychology Today explains. Remember, this is usually a sign that they’re the one feeling threatened, likely comparing themselves unfavorably to you.
2. They constantly name-drop attractive/accomplished mutual acquaintances.
Casual comments like, “Oh, Sarah was telling me how much fun she had at my party…” are thinly-veiled attempts to stir up jealousy. They want you to feel inadequate, and to question whether those people would prefer them over you. This is particularly common in toxic friend groups.
3. They deliberately flirt with people in front of you.
Whether it’s excessive attention to a coworker or being overly touchy-feely with a new acquaintance at a party, it’s designed to get a rise out of you. They thrive on knowing they have the ability to make you feel flustered, powerful, and desirable.
4. They constantly talk about their ex, comparing you to them in subtle ways.
They might reminisce about how great their ex was at cooking, how funny they were, or how well they understood them. It’s a passive-aggressive way to make you feel like you’re not measuring up and to create insecurity in the relationship. By doing this, they assume you’ll go out of your way to live up to their former partner.
5. They vaguely mention “other options,” even if you’re in a committed relationship.
Hinting at their amazing date last weekend, or slipping subtle comments about how much attention they’re getting throws your relationship stability off-balance. This is about power and control – they want you to feel the need to cling tighter out of fear of losing them.
6. They suddenly reappear after ghosting you.
Breadcrumbing you with attention, just when you’d moved on, then going silent again, is a power move. This tactic is designed to keep you ‘hooked’ and confused. Do they like me, or not?! They know this keeps you emotionally invested, which feeds their ego.
7. They brag about their achievements nonstop.
They might casually mention their recent promotion, their impressive salary, or the exotic vacation they just took. It’s not just about sharing good news; it’s about making you feel like you’re falling behind or not as successful as they are. You’d think they’d be too busy winning to have to brag about it all the time!
8. They post a whole lot of selfies on social media.
They carefully curate their online image, showcasing their best angles, their most exciting experiences, and their seemingly perfect life. They’re fishing for compliments and likes, hoping to make you feel envious of their social status and popularity.
9. They start going to the gym, dressing up more, or changing their appearance.
If they’ve never been one to care about their appearance, a sudden transformation could be a sign they’re trying to attract attention from others, potentially to make you jealous. It’s a way to boost their own ego and make you question your own attractiveness.
10. They withdraw emotionally to make you feel insecure.
They might become distant, unresponsive, or even cold. They might stop initiating conversations, spend less time with you, or act like they’re just not that into you anymore. This emotional withdrawal can trigger your insecurities and make you crave their attention even more.
11. They engage in hot-and-cold behavior that keeps you off-balance.
One day they’re showering you with attention, the next they’re distant. This creates an addiction to those positive moments and desperation to be back in their good graces (as well as jealousy towards anyone who is), Psychology Today notes. When they withhold, you crave it even more. It’s a rollercoaster, making it hard to walk away, as you cling to the hope things will go back to how they were in those ‘good’ times.
12. They start spending more time with other people and excluding you.
They might cancel plans with you at the last minute, make excuses to avoid spending time together, or prioritize their social life over your relationship. This can make you feel like you’re not a priority and that they’re more interested in their friends than you.
13. They’re deliberately affectionate around a new partner, which seems designed to hurt you.
This is especially common with immature exes. It’s a blatant performance meant to make you feel discarded and replaceable. Their new partner is often unwittingly used as a prop in this cruel game, where the true goal is to inflict pain on you.
14. They drop hints about all the people who are interested in them.
They might casually mention how their coworker flirts with them, how their ex is still pining for them, or how many DMs they get on social media. It’s a subtle way to make you feel like you’re not the only one in the game and that you need to step up your game to keep them interested.
15. They’re suddenly super secretive with their phone.
They might start hiding their phone screen, changing their passwords, or spending hours online without explaining what they’re doing. This secretive behavior can trigger suspicion and make you wonder if they’re hiding something from you. It can also make you jealous of all the people they’re talking to online, because why aren’t they talking to you?
16. They accuse you of trying to make them jealous.
This is classic projection! If you confront their flirtations, they twist it – you’re the manipulative one! This makes you doubt your own perceptions and distracts from the core issue: their deliberately hurtful behavior. Don’t get sidetracked defending yourself, refocus on the impact of their actions.
17. They leave evidence of their flirtation where you can find it.
They might leave their phone unlocked with flirtatious messages on display, leave a lipstick-stained napkin in their pocket, or even “accidentally” send you a message meant for someone else. This is a deliberate attempt to make you jealous and insecure. Don’t put up with it — get away as soon as possible.
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