In a healthy relationship, there should be no room for secrets. While it’s natural and normal to have some degree of privacy, withholding crucial information from your partner can slowly chip away at the trust and intimacy in your partnership. Whether it’s a hidden dream or financial trouble, keeping it quiet isn’t the way. Here are 17 secrets you should never hide from your person.
1. Feeling lonely or disconnected
Everyone goes through lonely stages and being in a relationship doesn’t preclude you from those feelings. If you notice that you’re feeling isolated, emotionally distant, or just want a bit of a deeper connection, say something to your spouse. You would want them to tell you, right? Chances are, they’ll want to work through it together to help you come out on the other side.
2. Your resentment towards your in-laws
This one is tricky. You don’t want to offend your partner but if your partner’s parents are giving you grief—whether that’s crossing boundaries or not being supportive enough—you have to tell them. You don’t want it to turn into a bashing, but let your spouse know that there are some things about their family that are making you feel some type of way. Don’t let your grievances create a tense dynamic in your marriage.
3. Any lingering grudges
You know that thing that keeps nagging at you to bring up to your spouse but you never do? Well, bring it up. It doesn’t matter if it happened years ago—if you cannot forget about it and move on then that’s something that should be discussed. Bottling up your feelings about unresolved conflicts will only lead to passive-aggressive behavior and tension.
4. Buying something expensive
Money is a tricky subject but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore it. Whether you’ve been eyeing a new car, want to start up a pricey hobby, or something else any major financial moves need to be discussed with your spouse. You’re a unit which means you make these decisions together.
5. Struggles with intimacy
If you’re struggling to be intimate with your partner, there’s a chance they already know. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have an open, honest discussion about it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of—when you have the courage to talk it out, you and your partner can find ways to address and fix any issues together.
6. Your deep insecurities and fears
Baring your deepest and darkest self-doubts and worries can be a scary thing! But that’s what your partner is here for—to listen, to console, and to help. Not only will you feel a huge weight lift off of your shoulders, but it can also deepen the intimacy that you share with your partner.
7. Major money troubles
You may think that you can fix the issue before your spouse finds out, but we promise it’s not a good idea. Whether it’s a mounting debt, spent savings, or other challenges, hiding these issues not only violates the trust in your relationship but also puts everyone involved at risk. Your partner deserves to know the reality, even if it’s not fun.
8. Anything with your mental health
Mental health struggles can be so debilitating, isolating, and scary. That’s why you need to trust in your partner and let them in on what’s going on. It’ll be hard and possibly terrifying, but your partner is with you because they care about you—they want to support you and you’re certainly not a burden—let them help.
9. If someone (who isn’t your partner) gets flirty
It’s uncomfortable, sure, but honesty is always the best policy. If someone tried to kiss you or be sexual or was just hinting at it, your spouse deserves the respect of you telling them. Keeping this secret feels like there was something to keep secret—so, trust that your partner will understand and be patient, because they probably have some questions, too.
10. Doubts about your relationship
These types of conversations are never fun, but your partner deserves to know how you’re feeling about your future together. Maybe they’re having similar thoughts, or it’s something that they want to work on together—you won’t know if you don’t tell them. So don’t postpone it any longer, just be open and willing to talk it out.
11. Being fired or getting laid off
This is one of the most stressful and difficult situations you can go through—don’t deal with it alone. We get that your partner may have a lot going on as well, and you may want to shield them from additional stress, but your partner is your confidante. They’re there to support you and sit with you in the most challenging times.
12. Shameful family skeletons
It’s true that you don’t choose your family and you may want to keep your partner far, far away from all of that drama. But, if you see this long-term or you’ve been together for a while, your partner deserves to know this part of you. Don’t be scared of rejection, if they care and love you it won’t matter. Plus, hiding this puts a subtle strain on your relationship without you even realizing it.
13. Your feelings for someone else
Another hard conversation, but an important one. If you find yourself attracted to or wanting to flirt with someone outside of your relationship, your partner needs to be the first person to know. Even if you’re not planning on acting on these feelings, it could signal that there’s something deeper going on in your partnership. Whatever it is, needs to be brought to light and addressed together.
14. Significant life changes
Maybe you’re considering a major career shift or want to relocate halfway across the world—you can’t do either of those things without talking to your spouse first. Change is always scary and there’s always a risk that your partner might not be on the same page, but they still have to be an integral part of any big transition you’re contemplating.
15. Unrealistic expectations
Secretly harboring unrealistic expectations can lead to resentment. You might feel your partner isn’t “meeting your needs” when, in reality, those needs were never clearly communicated or even attainable. Open communication allows for honest discussions about what’s realistic and how you can support each other.
16. Dreams and aspirations
Sharing your dreams and aspirations allows your partner to be your biggest cheerleader. Their support and encouragement can fuel your motivation and help you turn those dreams into reality. Keeping them a secret only stops your growth alone and together.
17. Jealousy towards your partner
Maybe your partner is killing it at work while you’ve been begging for a promotion for months. Maybe your partner has a really great group of friends, while you’ve always found it hard to get close to people. Whatever it is, it’s okay to feel jealous! You’re allowed to feel happy for your partner while also wanting the same things for yourself. Tell them how you’re feeling before it turns into resentment.
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