How well did our parents really know us growing up? I mean, sure, they knew what we liked for breakfast and could probably guess our favorite color, but did they truly get the essence of who we were? Let’s get into 17 signs that might make you go, “Huh, maybe Mom and Dad didn’t have me all figured out after all.”
1. Your passions were always a mystery to them
You’re 13, and you’ve just discovered your love for photography. You’re snapping pics of everything, learning about apertures and shutter speeds, and dreaming of one day having your work in a gallery. But when you try to talk to your parents about it, they just nod and smile, maybe saying something like, “That’s nice, dear. Don’t forget to take out the trash.” If your deepest interests were often met with indifference or confused looks, it might be a sign that your parents weren’t fully tuned in.
2. They were shocked by your career choice
Fast forward to your college graduation. You announce that you’re going to pursue a career as a marine biologist, and your parents look at each other like, “Where did this come from?” If your career aspirations seemed to come out of left field for them, it could mean they missed some pretty big clues about your interests and dreams along the way. Maybe they always thought you’d follow in their footsteps, or perhaps they just never noticed how your face lit up every time you watched an ocean documentary.
3. Your sense of humor goes over their heads
Okay, let’s talk about those times at the dinner table when you cracked a joke that you thought was hilarious, but your parents just stared at you blankly. Or maybe you’d be giggling at a TV show, and they’d look at you like you’d grown a second head. Humor is such a core part of who we are, right? If your parents consistently didn’t get it, they might have been missing out on a big part of you.
4. They never knew about your childhood crushes
Remember the hours you spent daydreaming about holding hands with the cute kid from math class? If the thought of sharing these feelings with your parents made you cringe, or if you did try to talk about it but were met with awkward silence, it might point to a deeper communication gap.
5. Your political views came as a surprise
Think back to your first heated political discussion at the family dinner table. Were your parents shocked to hear your views? Maybe you’d been silently forming opinions for years based on what you’d seen in the world, read online, or discussed with friends. If your stance on social and political issues caught them off guard, it could mean they weren’t aware of how you’d been processing the world around you.
6. They didn’t know about your struggles with mental health
This one’s a biggie, and it’s tough to talk about. Maybe you dealt with anxiety or depression in high school, but you never felt like you could open up to your parents about it. Perhaps you thought they wouldn’t understand, or you were worried about disappointing them. According to the National Library of Medicine, mental health is often a taboo subject in many families, but if you were silently battling these issues without your parents’ knowledge, it suggests a significant gap in their understanding.
7. Your taste in music was alien to them
Remember cranking up your favorite tunes in your room, only to have your parents bang on the door and yell, “What is that noise?” Music often speaks to our deepest feelings and experiences, so if your parents couldn’t understand why certain songs or artists resonated with you, they might have been missing out on understanding a core part of your soul.
8. They were clueless about your friend dynamics
Think about your friend group in high school. Did your parents know who your real besties were? Could they tell when you were having friend drama, or did they think everything was always peachy? If your parents’ understanding of your social life was surface-level at best, it could mean they weren’t really clued into the relationships that were shaping your world and influencing who you were becoming.
9. Your dreams and fears were your own secret
Late at night, when you were lying in bed thinking about your hopes or your deepest fears, did you ever consider sharing these thoughts with your parents? If the answer is a resounding “no,” it might indicate that there was an emotional wall between you. Our dreams and fears are such a fundamental part of who we are, and if your parents weren’t privy to these, they were missing out on knowing a significant part of you.
10. They misinterpreted your introversion/extroversion
Were you the kid who needed alone time to recharge, but your parents kept pushing you to go out and socialize more? Or maybe you were a social butterfly, but your parents thought you were just being flighty and unfocused. If your parents misread your basic social needs and tendencies, it suggests they might not have fully understood you.
11. Your personal style was weird to them
Maybe they couldn’t understand why you suddenly wanted to wear all black, or why that particular band t-shirt meant so much to you. Our personal style is a reflection of our identity and how we want the world to see us. If your parents were always at odds with your fashion choices, they might have been missing the deeper meaning behind your self-expression.
12. They never knew about your secret talents
Did you have a hidden talent that your parents never discovered? Maybe you could do incredible magic tricks, but only your friends ever saw them. If you had skills or talents that your parents never knew about, it might be because you didn’t feel comfortable sharing that side of yourself with them, or perhaps you felt they wouldn’t appreciate or understand it.
13. Your love language was foreign to them
We all have different ways of giving and receiving love. Maybe you really valued quality time, but your parents always tried to show love through gifts. Or perhaps words of affirmation meant the world to you, but your family wasn’t big on verbal expressions of love. If there was a constant mismatch between how you needed to be loved and how your parents expressed their love, it could have led to them not fully understanding your emotional needs.
14. They never realized how their words affected you
Parents say a lot of things as we’re growing up, and some of those words stick with us for a long time—for better or worse. Maybe there was a throwaway comment your mom made about your appearance that echoed in your head for years. Or perhaps your dad’s well-intentioned career advice felt like immense pressure to you. If your parents never realized the impact their words had on you, it suggests they might not have fully understood your emotional sensitivity.
15. Your coping mechanisms were a mystery to them
We all develop ways to deal with stress and difficult emotions. Maybe you coped with anxiety by going for long runs (a great tool, according to the National Library of Medicine), or you dealt with sadness by losing yourself in video games. If your parents saw these behaviors but never understood the emotional purpose they served for you, it points to a gap in their understanding.
16. They were surprised by your adult self
Fast forward to your adult years. When you get together with your parents now, do they often express surprise at your opinions, habits, or life choices? Do they say things like, “I never knew you were interested in that!” or “When did you become so [insert trait here]?” If your adult self seems to be a revelation to your parents, it might be the culmination of years of them not fully knowing the real you as you were growing up.
17. They didn’t know your true feelings about family dynamics
Family relationships are complicated, right? Maybe you had a strained relationship with a sibling that your parents never picked up on. Or perhaps you felt like the family peacekeeper, always trying to smooth things over, but your parents never realized the emotional toll it took on you. It sounds like they might have had a very different picture of your role and experiences within the family than what you were actually feeling.
