Nobody’s perfect, especially when those first sparks of attraction start to fly. However, there’s a line between normal dating jitters and setting yourself up for disappointment with expectations that are impossible for anyone to live up to. Think of these as emotional potholes – being aware of them helps you avoid them, so you can actually give someone a fair shot!
1. Expecting them to read your mind
Hoping they’ll magically know what gift you want or intuit that you’re upset even though you’re saying “I’m fine” isn’t romantic, it’s a recipe for resentment and misery! Healthy relationships involve clear communication. If you want or need something, you have to say it.
2. Believing they should complete you and make you whole
“You’re my other half” sounds sweet, but it’s a lot of pressure! That search for someone to fix your insecurities leads to codependency, not healthy love, Mental Health America warns. Wholeness is an inside job. Expecting a partner to fill those voids is guaranteed to leave you perpetually disappointed.
3. Thinking intense chemistry equals long-term compatibility
Sparks are fun and all, but shared values, similar life goals, and how they treat you day-to-day matter more for lasting happiness. Lust can blind you to red flags. Don’t get me wrong, chemistry is important, but it’s not the ONLY ingredient for a healthy, happy relationship.
4. Needing them to be your everything: lover, best friend, therapist, adventure buddy…
One person can’t fulfill all your needs — that’s unrealistic! Expecting one human to be your entire world is stifling for both of you. Nurture friendships, hobbies, and a sense of self outside the relationship – it makes you more attractive and builds a stronger foundation for love that lasts.
5. The “they’ll change for me” fantasy
Love can inspire growth, sure, but banking on someone becoming a totally different person than who they are now is a gamble with terrible odds. Those core character traits aren’t going anywhere. Accept the present version, or walk away because hoping for your personal fixer-upper project rarely ends well.
6. Clinging to the romanticized image of your ex
Memory is a tricky thing! It glosses over the bad, leaving you with a perfect person who never really existed. This makes everyone you date feel inadequate. Give new people a chance to be seen on their own merits, not compared to a ghost.
7. Assuming “if it’s meant to be, it will be easy”
Real love is worth the effort! Relationships take work – communication, compromise, learning to navigate conflict in healthy ways. Of course, it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, but those social media “perfect couple” posts are BS. Every strong partnership has weathered some storms.
8. Believing there’s one perfect soulmate out there for you
Statistically unlikely, and it puts so much pressure on every date! There are many potentially wonderful partners. Focusing on ONE idealized person makes you overlook good people who may lack that specific “checklist”, but would make you incredibly happy.
9. Constantly comparing every new person to your ex
They were funny, this new guy seems serious… she was so spontaneous. It’s natural to do this at first, but harping on it blocks you from getting to know who the person actually is. Everyone brings their unique strengths to the table; give them space to shine instead of dimming their light by putting them in your ex’s shadow.
10. Letting fairytales warp your view of how love works
“Love at first sight” and grand gestures are great on screen, less so in reality! These stories make falling in love seem effortless. Real love deepens over time, through shared experiences, seeing each other at your best AND worst, and choosing each other day after day.
11. Idealizing past relationships and forgetting the bad parts
That relationship that imploded spectacularly? Suddenly you only remember the good times! This makes you less appreciative of the kind, available person sitting across from you. Nostalgia is a powerful force; make sure you’re grounded in reality, not a rose-tinted view of the past.
12. Searching for flaws instead of focusing on potential
Going into dates with a hypercritical eye ensures you’ll find something to justify your exit, even if the person is objectively great. This often comes from low self-esteem disguised as having “high standards,” Psychology Today explains.
13. FOMO (fear of missing out) driving your decisions
Could someone better be a swipe away? This mindset keeps you in a perpetually restless state, never fully committing to anyone, as the fantasy of “the perfect one” dangles just out of reach. There’ll always be someone more conventionally attractive, richer, etc. Happiness lies in appreciating what you HAVE, not obsessing over what you don’t.
14. Confusing anxiety with excitement
Butterflies when they text? It’s easy to translate that as a sure sign of true love. But sometimes, that jittery feeling is your body signaling red flags you’re subconsciously picking up on. Tune into your intuition – is that nervousness a thrill, or a subtle warning?
15. Demanding perfection from the get-go
Expecting them to be witty, charming, and flawlessly navigate your complex family dynamics on the first date… chill! We all put on a slightly idealized version of ourselves at the start. Allow them time to relax into being their real, flawed, lovable selves.
16. Believing that if they really liked you, there’d be no doubt
Some folks are shy! Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve. Mistaking a genuine person’s introversion for lack of interest leads to missing out. If they’re making an effort, consistent, and seem invested in getting to know you, give it a chance, even if there aren’t fireworks right out of the gate.
17. Thinking love should feel the same as it did when you were a teenager
That all-consuming, slightly obsessive feeling? It’s heady, but not sustainable! Mature love offers a sense of stability, partnership, and deep understanding that the rollercoaster of young love simply can’t provide. Don’t discount a good person simply because they don’t make you feel like you’re 16 again.
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