Family gatherings are supposed to be all about laughter, shared stories, and delicious food. However, sometimes they include a subtle chorus of passive-aggressive jabs from those beloved in-laws. You know, the ones who always seem to have an opinion on your life choices, even if you didn’t ask for it. Unfortunately, toxic in-laws can turn a joyous occasion into a minefield of awkward interactions and thinly veiled insults. If you’re nodding along, then you’ll probably recognize these classic phrases that tend to emerge from those oh-so-charming relatives.
1. “Back in my day…”
Ah, the good ol’ days. Apparently, when your in-laws were young, everything was perfect. The economy was booming, kids were polite, and avocado toast didn’t exist. This phrase is often followed by a lecture on how things were better “back then” and how you youngsters just don’t appreciate the simple things in life.
2. “When are you two going to start a family?”
This seemingly innocent question can feel like a personal attack, especially if you’re not ready for kids or struggling with fertility issues. It can also make you feel like your life choices are constantly under scrutiny and that your in-laws are more interested in grandchildren than your actual happiness.
3. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work.”
This backhanded compliment is often directed at stay-at-home parents or those with flexible work schedules. It minimizes the hard work and dedication involved in raising children or managing a household, implying that these roles are somehow less valuable or demanding than traditional careers.
4. “Oh, you’re still doing that?”
Whether you’re pursuing a passion project, working on a creative endeavor, or simply living your life on your own terms, this comment suggests that your choices are somehow inadequate or not worthy of respect. It can make you feel like you’re constantly falling short of your in-laws’ expectations.
5. “We never did things that way.”
Every family has its own traditions and ways of doing things. But some in-laws seem to believe their way is the only way. This phrase can be a subtle way of undermining your decisions and making you feel like you’re doing everything wrong.
6. “Your [insert spouse’s name] is so lucky to have you.”
At first glance, this might seem like a compliment. But it often carries an undertone of surprise or disbelief, implying that your spouse is somehow “out of your league.” It can make you feel insecure and question your own worth in the relationship.
7. “Well, that’s an interesting choice.”
This seemingly innocuous statement is often delivered with a raised eyebrow and a hint of judgment. It’s a passive-aggressive way of expressing disapproval without explicitly saying so. Whether it’s your outfit, your career path, or your parenting style, this phrase suggests that your in-laws don’t quite approve of your choices.
8. “You spoil your children.”
Every parent has their own parenting style. But some in-laws are quick to criticize your choices, especially if they differ from their own. This phrase can be a way of undermining your authority and making you feel like you’re not doing a good job as a parent.
9. “Are you sure you want to eat that?”
This seemingly innocent question is often loaded with judgment and unsolicited advice about your dietary choices. It can make you feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, especially if you’re already struggling with body image issues or trying to navigate a specific diet.
10. “That’s not how we raised our children.”
This comment implies that your parenting style is somehow inferior or incorrect. It can be hurtful and demoralizing, especially if you’re already feeling insecure about your abilities as a parent. It’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting and that you’re doing the best you can for your children.
11. “You should really be more like [insert relative’s name].”
Comparisons are never fun, especially when they come from your in-laws. This phrase suggests that you’re not good enough as you are and that you need to change to meet their standards. It’s a subtle way of putting you down and making you feel inadequate.
12. “I just want what’s best for you.”
This seemingly well-intentioned statement often masks ulterior motives and a desire for control. It can be a way of justifying their intrusive behavior and making you feel guilty for not following their advice. As Psych Central reminds us, what’s “best” for you is ultimately your decision, not theirs.
13. “You’re so sensitive.”
This dismissive comment is often used to invalidate your feelings and shut down any attempt at open communication. It can make you feel like your concerns are not valid and that you’re overreacting to their hurtful behavior. Remember, your feelings are real and deserve to be acknowledged and respected.
14. “I was just joking!”
This classic excuse is often used to dismiss hurtful comments and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It can be frustrating and invalidating, especially if the “joke” was clearly meant to be insulting or demeaning. Remember, humor should never be used as a weapon to hurt people.
15. “You’re lucky to have us.”
This self-congratulatory statement implies that you should be grateful for their presence in your life, regardless of their behavior. It can be manipulative and controlling, making you feel obligated to tolerate their toxic behavior because they supposedly have your best interests at heart.
16. “Why can’t you just let it go?”
This dismissive comment minimizes the impact of their hurtful behavior and puts the onus on you to “get over it.” It can make you feel like your feelings are not valid and that you’re being unreasonable for holding onto any resentment. Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to feel hurt or angry about their actions.
17. “You’re overreacting.”
This classic gaslighting tactic is used to make you question your own perceptions and reality. It can be incredibly confusing and demoralizing, especially if you’re already feeling vulnerable and insecure. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you have a right to express them, even if your in-laws don’t agree with them.
