As much as you’d like to think you’ve got this whole marriage thing figured out, the truth is many men are often guilty of behaviors that can slowly chip away at the connection with their partners—even if they don’t realize it. The good news is, that once you become aware of these patterns, you have the power to course-correct. So, if you want to keep your spouse by your side for the long haul, take note of these 17 behaviors that may be inadvertently pushing her away—and learn how to avoid them.
1. You think you can “fix” her problems.
When your partner opens up about an issue she’s struggling with, your instinct may be to immediately jump in with advice and solutions. But she’s often not looking for you to act as her personal life coach—she just wants to feel heard and supported. Next time, try asking her if she needs a shoulder or a solution before jumping into problem-solving mode.
2. You’re strategically incompetent.
This is when someone pretends to be “forgetful” about household chores, constantly asking for reminders or instructions, even for tasks they know how to do. If this sounds like you, this not only creates an unequal division of labor but also forces your partner to take on the mental burden of everything in your life. It’s a sneaky way of avoiding responsibility while still seeming “helpful” and it could be pushing her away.
3. You’re a “yes” man.
This feels counterintuitive but stick with us. While agreeing with everything your partner says may seem like you’re open to compromise and appreciate her opinions, it can also come off as disengaged and inauthentic. We’re not saying you should start saying “no,” all the time, but some active listening and thoughtful replies wouldn’t hurt.
4. You treat your phone how you should treat her.
Sure, everyone these days is always looking down and getting distracted by the constant pings and notifications. But if you’re always scrolling, swiping, and responding to your device, it sends the message that your phone is more important than the person sitting right in front of you. We wouldn’t be surprised if your partner has said “Can you get off your phone?” on more than one occasion.
5. You treat her like your personal assistant.
Need your dry cleaning picked up? Want some wings to munch on when your friends come over? Your partner can take care of that. Sure, she probably can but the attitude that she’s there to address your every need and whim might be pushing her away. She’s your partner, not your project manager.
6. You take up a lot of airtime.
Whenever you have good news, you want to share it with your partner (which is great, she should be the first one you tell). But have you noticed that your news, your interests, and your day are what fill up most of your conversations? If you have, then you may be neglecting your partner’s experiences which can make her feel unheard.
7. You give her generic gifts.
Do you get your partner a scented candle every single year for her birthday? Well, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t really apply to you. Because, really, a candle doesn’t show much thought. We’re not saying you need to drop major cash, but putting a little bit of effort and thought into finding a present that reflects your partner’s interests, desires, and personality can go a long way.
8. You’re a bit of a micromanager.
Whenever your partner is tackling a project—whether that’s cleaning out the garage or changing a lightbulb—you have the tendency to hover over her and watch. We’re sure your intention isn’t to act like an over-involved boss, but not allowing her to make mistakes and do things in her own individual way (even if the advice is helpful!) can be offputting.
9. You forget about basic displays of affection.
You may think that because you two are settled into a comfortable routine, the little gestures of affection—hand-holding, random hugs, shoulder squeezes—aren’t as important anymore. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. One of the most important parts of marriage is letting your partner know, even after all that time, that you still care and are attracted to her.
10. You’re always in defense mode.
When your partner expresses a concern or complaint, do you immediately get pissed and shut down? If your answer is yes, then you might be pushing her away. Rather than trying to have an open, empathetic dialogue, your knee-jerk defensiveness can make her feel dismissed and unheard.
11. You never try new things.
Trying new experiences together—whether it’s a new restaurant, hobby, or adventure—is crucial for keeping the spark alive in your marriage. But if you’re constantly defaulting to the same old routine and not incorporating any spontaneity, it might signal to your partner that you don’t care to put in the effort.
12. You don’t keep her in the loop.
Has your partner ever gotten upset when you share new information with her? Was it about a decision that was made without her? Even if you consider yourself the decision maker in the marriage, making major life choices and calling the shots without her input can disempower her. It comes across as disrespectful and could definitely be a cause of her pushing away.
13. You don’t remember to compliment her.
Remember how exciting it felt in the early days of your relationship when you couldn’t stop gushing about how beautiful, smart, and amazing she was? Over time, those compliments can start to dwindle. If you’ve noticed that you don’t stop to appreciate her as much as you should, there’s a good chance she’s already drifting.
14. You neglect to plan date nights.
You used to put so much effort into planning fun, creative date nights. Now? You can’t remember the last time you actually got dressed up and went out on a date. That’s a problem. Not being an active participant in your relationship and putting a concerted effort in to keep the romance alive could make your partner feel neglected.
15. You can’t admit when you’re wrong.
We get it—no one likes admitting their mistakes. But a part of having a successful marriage is being able to take ownership when you mess up. Taking responsibility for your actions is a sign of emotional maturity and care—if you can’t say sorry, then your partner might be a flight risk.
16. Important dates aren’t all that important (to you).
Birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestones come and go every year, but you seem to always forget to acknowledge them. Sure, we all miss an important date here and there, but if this is a pattern where you’re not taking the time to celebrate your partner and your relationship, she might feel unseen.
17. You glaze over her accomplishments.
When your partner achieves something noteworthy, whether it’s a big work project or a personal milestone, do you make a genuine effort to acknowledge and celebrate her success? We’re not saying you have to throw a party every time she achieves something, but a little effort to let her know that you’re proud of her goes a long way. Failing to do that could make her feel unsupported.
