We all want to be helpful and supportive, but sometimes people take advantage of our kindness. It can be hard to tell when you’re being used, especially if you’re naturally giving. However, it’s important to recognize the signs so you can protect yourself and your energy. Here are some red flags that might indicate someone’s taking you for a ride.
1. Your gut feeling is telling you something’s off.
Sometimes, the best indicator that you’re being taken advantage of is your own intuition. If something feels icky or unfair, it probably is. Don’t ignore that nagging feeling in your gut. It’s your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t right. Maybe the person is always asking for favors but never returning them, or they’re constantly making you feel guilty or obligated. Trust your instincts and investigate further.
2. They only reach out when they need something.
Do you have that friend who only calls when they need a ride, a loan, or a shoulder to cry on? Healthy relationships involve reciprocity, where both parties contribute and support each other equally. If you feel like you’re always the one giving, and they’re always the one taking, it’s time to reassess the dynamic.
3. They make you feel guilty for saying “no.”
Manipulative people often use guilt trips to get their way. They might make you feel bad for declining a request, questioning your loyalty or commitment. Remember, you have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries, per Psych Central.
4. They always have an excuse.
Whether it’s forgetting to pay you back, canceling plans at the last minute, or failing to fulfill their promises, people who take advantage of others are experts at making excuses. They’ll blame their forgetfulness, their busy schedule, or external circumstances, anything to avoid taking responsibility. If you notice a pattern of excuses and broken promises, it’s a sign that the person isn’t prioritizing your needs or respecting your time.
5. You feel drained and resentful after spending time with them.
Healthy relationships should leave you feeling energized and uplifted. But if you consistently feel drained, exhausted, or resentful after spending time with someone, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. Maybe they’re constantly complaining, venting their frustrations, or demanding your attention. It’s okay to distance yourself from people who drain your energy.
6. They dismiss your feelings and needs.
If someone consistently invalidates your feelings, downplays your concerns, or ignores your needs, it’s a sign they’re not respecting you. They might brush off your emotions, tell you’re being too sensitive, or simply not listen to what you have to say. Your feelings and needs are valid, and you deserve to be heard and respected.
7. They take more than they give.
Healthy relationships involve a balance of giving and taking. Both parties should contribute equally, whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or simply spending quality time together. If you find yourself constantly giving more than you’re receiving, it’s a sign that the relationship is out of balance.
8. They use you as a crutch or a scapegoat.
Some people use others as a crutch to avoid taking responsibility for their own problems. They might constantly complain to you, rely on you to solve their issues, or blame you for their own failures. If you find yourself constantly being dragged into their drama or taking on their burdens, it’s a sign you’re being taken advantage of.
9. They try to control your decisions or actions.
If someone is constantly trying to dictate your choices, telling you who to hang out with, what to wear, or how to spend your time, it’s a major red flag. They might try to isolate you from your friends and family, or manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and autonomy. Don’t let anyone control you.
10. They criticize you constantly.
Everyone has flaws, and constructive criticism can be helpful. But if someone is constantly putting you down, making you feel bad about yourself, or criticizing everything you do, it’s a sign they’re not interested in supporting you or building you up. They might mask their criticism as “jokes” or “concern,” but if it consistently hurts your feelings, it’s not okay.
11. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Setting boundaries is essential for healthy relationships. If someone consistently ignores or disrespects your boundaries, it’s a sign they’re not taking your needs or feelings seriously. They might push your limits, guilt-trip you into doing things you’re not comfortable with, or simply ignore your requests. Remember, you have the right to set boundaries and expect them to be respected.
12. They take advantage of your generosity.
If you’re a naturally generous person, you might find yourself constantly giving to others, whether it’s your time, money, or emotional energy. While it’s great to be generous, it’s important to make sure you’re not being taken advantage of. If someone consistently takes without giving back, or expects you to always be there for them without reciprocating, it’s a sign they’re using you.
13. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.
If you constantly feel like you have to censor yourself, watch your words, or avoid certain topics to avoid upsetting someone, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic, Verywell Mind explains. You should feel comfortable being yourself around the people you care about. If someone makes you feel anxious or afraid to express your true thoughts and feelings, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
14. They don’t apologize or take responsibility for their actions.
Everyone makes mistakes, but how someone handles those mistakes says a lot about their character. If someone never apologizes, always blames others, or refuses to acknowledge the impact of their actions, it’s a sign they’re not willing to take responsibility for their behavior. This lack of accountability can be a major red flag for a toxic relationship.
15. You feel like you’re constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt.
If you find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s behavior, trying to rationalize their actions, or giving them the benefit of the doubt, even when they’ve repeatedly hurt or disappointed you, it’s a sign you might be in denial. Sometimes, we want to believe the best in people, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. But it’s important to be honest with yourself and acknowledge when someone isn’t treating you well.
16. You feel like you’re the only one putting in effort.
Relationships should be a two-way street. Both parties should be invested in making the relationship work and contributing equally. If you feel like you’re the only one putting in effort, always initiating contact, making plans, or trying to keep things afloat, it’s a sign that the relationship is out of balance. You deserve to be with someone who values you and is willing to put in the same amount of effort as you.
