So, your partner’s found a new spiritual group, and they’re really excited about it. That’s great, right? Well, usually, yes. But sometimes, what looks like a harmless spiritual group on the surface can have some not-so-great stuff going on underneath. Now, we’re not saying your partner’s group is definitely problematic—chances are, it’s probably fine! But it’s always good to keep your eyes open and trust your instincts. Here are some warning signs that might indicate a spiritual group is more sinister than it seems.
1. They discourage questions or critical thinking
If your partner’s group seems to shut down inquiries or tells members to “just have faith” without explanation, that’s a red flag. Watch out for phrases like “Don’t question the teacher” or “Doubt is the enemy of enlightenment.” A genuine spiritual path should be able to withstand scrutiny.
2. They push for quick, intense commitment
Is the group pressuring your partner to commit all their time, money, or resources right away? If yes, that’s suspicious. Watch out for intense recruitment tactics, like love bombing (overwhelming affection and attention) followed by guilt-tripping if your partner doesn’t immediately commit.
3. There’s an us-vs-them mentality
Beware of groups that constantly talk about outsiders as “unenlightened,” “lost,” or even “evil.” If your partner starts seeing the world in black and white, with their group as the only source of truth—hello, red flag! Healthy spirituality usually promotes compassion toward everyone, not dividing people.
4. They encourage cutting ties with the past
Personal growth often involves some changes, but be cautious if the group is pushing your partner to completely reject their past life, interests, or relationships. A healthy group would be building on who you already are. A sinister group would require you to become a completely different person overnight.
5. There’s a charismatic leader who can’t be criticized
It’s normal for spiritual groups to have leaders or teachers. But if this leader is put on a pedestal or is immune to criticism, that’s concerning. Let’s say your partner starts defending their leader’s questionable actions or words without rational explanation, it might be time to worry.
6. They isolate members from friends and family
If the group is encouraging your partner to spend less time with you or other loved ones, especially those who aren’t in the group, that’s a cause for concern. Watch out for subtle tactics like scheduling meetings during family events or suggesting that non-members “just don’t understand” and should be avoided.
7. There are secret teachings or levels
Some spiritual traditions have teachings that are gradually revealed, but you need to be very wary of groups that are overly secretive. If your partner is constantly hinting at amazing knowledge they’re not allowed to share, or if they have to pay or prove their loyalty to access higher levels of teaching, that’s a problem.
8. They encourage breaking the law or ethical norms
Any group that encourages illegal activities or justifies unethical behavior in the name of spirituality is bad news. This could range from tax evasion to more serious crimes. So, if your partner starts believing this stuff is okay just because their spiritual leader said so, it’s time to intervene.
9. There’s inappropriate sexual behavior or pressure
Unfortunately, some groups use spirituality as a cover for sexual exploitation. If there are rumors of the leader having sexual relationships with members, or if there’s pressure on members to engage in sexual activities they’re not comfortable with, get your partner out immediately.
10. They use sleep deprivation or other mind-altering techniques
Some spiritual practices involve meditation or fasting, which is fine. But if the group is pushing extreme sleep deprivation, prolonged fasting, or encouraging the use of mind-altering substances without proper safeguards, that’s dangerous. Not only can these techniques make people more susceptible to manipulation, but they can have long-lasting effects, too.
11. They have apocalyptic beliefs that create urgency
Be cautious of groups that are always predicting the end of the world or some great catastrophe. Many religions have end-time beliefs, but it becomes problematic when these beliefs are used to create a sense of urgency that pushes members to make rash decisions. If your partner is making major life changes based on these predictions, that’s an alarm going off.
12. They use insider language to create a sense of belonging
It’s normal for groups to have some specific terminology, but be aware if your partner is suddenly using a lot of jargon or buzzwords that makes it hard for you to understand what they’re talking about. This can be a tactic to create an insider/outsider divide and make members feel special, and more indebted to the group.
13. They discourage seeking outside help
If the group discourages members from seeking medical treatment, mental health support, or even just reading materials from outside sources, that’s not good. A healthy view is when spiritual practice is a compliment, not a replacement, for other forms of learning and care.
14. They use guilt, shame, or fear as motivators
If your partner seems constantly anxious about meeting the group’s standards or afraid of divine punishment, that’s not a good sign. Watch out for phrases like “If you leave, terrible things will happen to you,” or “What would you do without us?”
15. There’s financial exploitation
Spiritual organizations need some money to operate. But if the group is constantly asking for large donations, pressuring members to buy expensive courses or materials, or encouraging your partner to go into debt for the cause, that’s exploitation. Be especially cautious if leaders are living luxurious lifestyles while their members struggle.
16. There’s a preoccupation with the leader’s personal life
It’s super odd if members are expected to be deeply involved in or concerned with the leader’s personal life. It’s even more concerning if there are frequent dramatic events in the leader’s life that require members’ support or attention. This can be a way of keeping members emotionally invested and distracted from questionable aspects of the group.
