Strong work friendships are healthy, but sometimes a harmless connection crosses a line into emotional infidelity. It’s not always about physical infidelity, but it’s a major betrayal. Trust your gut – if something feels off, it usually is. Look for these subtle but significant changes in their behavior — they might set you on the path of discovering some tough truths.
1. They mention this coworker constantly.
Sharing a funny work story is normal, of course, but if this one person dominates the conversation, it’s a red flag. You start knowing details about their life, their gripes, their inside jokes… more than feels appropriate for a mere work buddy.
2. They compare you unfavorably to this coworker.
It starts subtly with something like, “They handle stressful clients SO much better than I do” or “You should see how organized their desk is!” It eats away at your confidence, and positions the coworker as the unattainable ideal, whether intentionally or not.
3. They minimize their connection with this person to avoid your concerns.
“We’re just friends!” you’re told when you try to talk about it. They get defensive, making you feel jealous or controlling for questioning what seems like a very intense bond. This is how they avoid having to change their behavior.
4. They text or communicate with this coworker outside of work hours, often secretively.
Those late-night “work emergencies” or quickly deleted messages aren’t always about what they seem. If they’re hiding the frequency of their contact, that’s a HUGE red flag – they know it’s inappropriate. This kind of emotional infidelity seems harmless, but it can be downright devastating, The Guardian points out.
5. They dress up more or make extra effort with their appearance on days they see this person.
Suddenly caring a LOT about how they look at the office, especially if it’s only when this coworker is around? That surge of effort is about impressing someone. May be subconscious, but it’s a tell that their feelings aren’t purely platonic.
6. They confide in this coworker about your relationship problems instead of talking to you.
If they’re feeling disconnected suddenly and venting to a sympathetic ear, it’s a slippery slope. Emotional intimacy should be primarily with your partner. Seeking that kind of understanding from an attractive coworker? Recipe for disaster.
7. Your partner withdraws from you emotionally, but seems happier and more energized overall.
They’re less engaged in conversationss with you, but you see them light up talking to this coworker. They seem to have a lot to say and are cheery and engaged, which isn’t how they are with you these days. That emotional neglect hurts, and the contrast in their mood is a clear sign their head and heart are partly elsewhere.
8. They prioritize spending time with this coworker over you, even for non-work things.
“Can’t make dinner, got a work thing…” that turns into drinks with the coworker. Choosing to spend their limited free time with this person, especially if they lie about it, is a clear sign they’re prioritizing this new bond over your relationship.
9. There have been past infidelities, either yours or theirs.
History of cheating makes you understandably more vigilant, but it also means they’re more likely to repeat those patterns. If trust was broken before, it’s harder to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially with intense new connections.
10. You discover they’ve been lying or hiding things about their interactions with this person.
They claim, “Oh, we just grabbed quick coffee,” and then you find out it was a two-hour lunch. Minimizing the extent of the contact is a huge sign they know it’s crossed a line and are trying to avoid the difficult conversation. If there was nothing untoward going on, why wouldn’t they just be honest about it?
11. They get defensive or angry if you raise any concerns about the friendship.
A healthy reaction is, “I get why you’re a bit worried, let’s talk about it.” Turning it into a fight about you being controlling is a way to dodge accountability and keep things going as they are. They want you to feel guilty or like you’re being unreasonable so you stop questioning them about it altogether.
12. Their body language around this coworker changes.
That extra touch that lingers, intense eye contact, leaning in closer than necessary — your gut picks up on those subtle shifts, even if you can’t logically explain them. Physical boundaries often blur when feelings are involved.
13. They suddenly seem dissatisfied with your relationship in ways they weren’t before.
The coworker is amazing, apparently, and suddenly you don’t measure up. This isn’t always conscious manipulation, but comparing you unfavorably to this new, exciting person is a natural byproduct of an emotional affair.
14. Your intimate life suffers noticeably.
They’re less interested, less passionate, or seem emotionally distant even during intimacy. When they’re getting emotional connection elsewhere, it can make being physically intimate with you feel less fulfilling, even if they don’t intend to hurt you.
15. Your intuition is screaming that something is wrong, even if you don’t have concrete proof.
Listen to that little voice! We subconsciously pick up on subtle cues. If your gut says this isn’t just harmless friendship, don’t dismiss those feelings. It’s often your intuition that first notices the cracks in the facade.
16. They refuse to set any boundaries with this coworker, even after you’ve expressed how much it hurts you.
Minimizing your feelings and continuing the close contact means they’re prioritizing this new bond over your relationship. That’s a massive betrayal, even if no physical line has been crossed (yet).
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
