Yes, the world is full of problematic folks and all kinds of drama, but some people are far more adept at shutting them out than others. Fortunately, you don’t have to be antisocial or a recluse to learn how to stop entertaining other people’s BS. It’s all about having the right attitude and behavior. If you want to get rid of your BS tolerance meter, here are some common traits of people who don’t put up with anyone’s crap that you can emulate.
1. They understand that life is too short.
They know better than to waste their one precious life massaging people’s egos and getting involved in unnecessary drama. They’d rather spend their time doing things that are important to them and activities that bring them joy. They have problems of their own to worry about without letting someone else add to the pile.
2. They accept that they won’t get along with everyone.
Other people may love the idea of having a ton of friends and close acquaintances, but not them. They’re friendly and polite to people, but only let in a few into their circle. They cut out toxic people from their lives and focus on nurturing worthwhile connections with a small group that loves and accepts them as they are.
3. They unapologetically put themselves first.
They know that prioritizing their needs doesn’t make them a bad person. It just means that they’ll factor in their happiness when making decisions or doing things for other people. They’re willing to compromise and sacrifice when necessary for the right people, but they won’t go to too much trouble for people and situations that don’t fit that criteria.
4. They see through lies and manipulations.
They don’t let rose-colored lenses cloud their judgment. They can sense when someone is being manipulative, obstructing the truth, or telling outright lies to mess with their heads. They call BS when they see it and give people a chance to come clean. Only those who can be straightforward with them are allowed a place in their lives.
5. They don’t let bad behavior slide.
While others may be willing to let inappropriate or disrespectful behavior go unacknowledged to keep the peace, they believe in addressing issues as they arise. If someone flakes on plans without any notice, they let them know how bad and disruptive their actions were. If someone sneakily insults them, they let it be known right away that they won’t accept being spoken to in that way.
6. They understand that it’s not (always) personal.
A lot of the time, people’s actions and behaviors have more to do with their struggles than their interaction with you. People who don’t put up with BS navigate the world with this in mind, so they’re better able to dust off conflicts that come their way, instead of getting dragged into them.
7. They have standards they won’t lower.
They consider it infinitely better to be without friends or alone romantically than to surround themselves with people who treat them poorly, don’t match their values, and make them feel unappreciated and unhappy. They refuse to settle to find love or community. They know that people who will love them properly are out there somewhere; all they have to do is find them.
8. They don’t need to be liked by everyone, all the time.
People who can’t stand BS are not people-pleasers. They don’t mind butting heads with people or standing up for themselves, even if it costs them something. They understand that it’s not possible to please everyone, and trying will only drive you crazy. They stay true to themselves and try not to internalize other people’s feelings, opinions, or actions.
9. They stick to their boundaries.
They don’t try to convince people to respect them or treat them well. They have a list of red flags and messy behavior that they won’t tolerate under any circumstances, and they communicate this with the people in their lives. Whether those people choose to abide by the boundaries or not isn’t their concern. They don’t let pushback from anyone stop them from enforcing their boundaries.
10. They don’t let people’s opinions control them.
So what if the clothes they like wearing aren’t the most stylish options out there? They still shop for them anyway. When someone criticizes them harshly or says they can’t do something, they don’t let it affect their sense of self. They try out new hobbies that they suck at and post anything they want on social media without worrying to death about what people may say.
11. They’re comfortable saying no.
They know that it’s perfectly human to experience some discomfort at the thought of disappointing someone, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong. They know they’re allowed to decide what to devote their time and efforts to without feeling guilty because they’re honoring their priorities. By saying “no” to certain things, they can give more of themselves to the things that count.
12. They hold themselves in high esteem.
There’s no one they love more than their self-respect, so they don’t let people continue to treat them badly. They will break up with a partner who tries to be controlling and quit that job with a narcissistic coworker who sabotages them. They treat everyone kindly and respectfully, and they demand the same.
13. They don’t shy away from confrontation.
They don’t enjoy causing arguments, but they’re not afraid to have tough conversations or address issues directly. They know that confrontation is necessary to grow and understand each other better, and avoiding conflict doesn’t always make it go away. They’re willing to bear the temporary awkwardness that comes with confrontations for the lasting peace of mind that follows.
14. They’re not easily influenced by peers.
People who don’t allow anyone’s BS into their lives don’t succumb to peer pressure. They have a mind of their own, and they’re happy to think for themselves and not just go along with the most popular line of thought. They’re open to trying new things, but not when it makes them seriously uncomfortable.
15. They know how to pick their battles.
Not everything that annoys you or gets in your way is worth addressing. Not every person who says the wrong thing deserves a response. They know better than to get caught up in foolish drama or let every little frustration ruin the rest of their day. They save their energy for the issues and people that are worth it.
16. They always lead with open and direct communication.
Mind games are their least favorite type of game. They would rather say what they’re feeling and let the cards fall where they may than use passive-aggressive comments to send a message. They lead with openness and honesty to minimize confusion and disagreements and encourage others to respond in the same way.
