Your friend seems happy to see you or excited about your engagement news or your new promotion at work, but you just get a feeling that they’re not being sincere. Your gut is one way of alerting you to the fact that you’re dealing with a two-faced friend, but there are other signs to keep an eye out for, too. Here are a few behaviors that should ring the alarm bells.
1. They’re never available.
You try to get together with your friend and they apologize for having to take a rain-check. It’s like trying to meet with a celebrity! Yikes. If it feels like you’re the only one who’s putting in effort to keep the friendship going and making plans to hang out, it’s not a good sign.
2. They promise to help, then flake at the last minute.
They promise to be at your yard sale to help you get rid of some things, or they say they’re super-excited to support you running a half-marathon, but then at the last minute, they inevitably cancel with some excuse. If this happens regularly, that’s a sure sign they’re not interested in a real friendship that’s based on support.
3. They make jokes at your expense.
A two-faced friend is different with you in private compared to how they behave around other people. When you guys are hanging out with other people, they might try to steal the spotlight from you or put you down in what they claim is a “joking” way, but you know it feels anything but funny.
4. They’re “brutally honest.”
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In other words, they’re downright mean! They say something to you that’s completely rude and unnecessary, but then try to deflect any potential backlash by insisting that they’re just “being honest.” No, they’re trying to tear you down and make you feel bad, and that’s not something a real friend would do.
5. They one-up you at any opportunity.
Someone who’s fake is going to try to outshine you at every opportunity. They might share experiences that are similar to yours, but they’re miraculously always better or more interesting. Did you buy a new pair of shoes? They bought Gucci shoes. Did you write a book? They wrote a trilogy! It never ends. According to Forbes, they do this because they’re trying to assert superiority over others.
6. They’re only around when there’s a party.
A fake friend (also called a fair-weather friend according to Psychology Today)isn’t going to be there when you need help with something or require emotional support. They only appear when times are good and the champagne is flowing. Since they love vanishing when times are tough, you can’t rely on them.
7. They don’t apologize.
If this person has hurt your feelings, they might not even apologize for it. Instead, they’ll expect you to dismiss your negative feelings or get over it without them having to make amends. The reason they do this is that they’re not fully invested in your relationship. Basically, they don’t care.
8. They only hang out with you when it’s convenient.
Someone who appears to like you but isn’t being genuine will only spend time with you when it’s convenient for them. They might rock up when some other friend took a rain-check on their plans, not because they actually want to see you, but because they had nothing else going on. You’re not their priority.
9. They don’t support you emotionally.
Friendships should involve some emotional support. You want to feel like you can depend on your friend when you need some advice or cheering up. Sadly, someone who’s fake won’t genuinely support you in any way. They’re all about themselves and how you can meet their needs. The so-called friendship is totally one-sided.
10. They don’t react positively when you achieve something amazing.
You call your friend to tell them about something amazing that happened to you, and they don’t say anything. Or, you tell them in person, and they smile, but it doesn’t quite reach their eyes. Awkward. They’re not genuinely happy for you, which probably makes you want to keep your achievements to yourself.
11. They’re highly competitive.
Someone who’s fake will try to compete with you in every area of life, from your job to your relationships and everything in between. They always want to feel like they’re better than you, even though they pretend to like you.
12. They get a kick when you’re going through a rough patch.
While they’re not that happy when you’re having a good time, you can expect them to get a little glint in their eye when you’re experiencing a tough time. They might suddenly want to help you and be around you, but it’s not to boost your spirits — it’s to feel good to see you down.
13. Their words and body language clash.
A two-faced friend will lack consistency. For instance, while they might tell you that you mean a lot to them, their body language says something entirely different. Maybe they won’t make eye contact, or they sit with their arms crossed whenever you hang out. You never feel like you’re getting honesty.
14. They don’t pay attention.
When chatting with this person, you might sometimes feel like you have to click your fingers in front of them to snap them back to attention. They just don’t seem to tune into conversations, as though they’re mentally elsewhere.
15. They love to humblebrag around you.
Another way a fake friend will try to outshine you is with insidious humblebragging comments. They might seem as if they’re complaining about something, but they’re trying to make themselves look good. So, they might say something like, “I can’t wear the awesome jeans you’re wearing — I’ll look too thin!” or “I feel guilty that I spent so much money on another Louis Vuitton bag — I’m so bad with money!”
16. They gossip behind your back.
A two-faced friend won’t be honest and genuine with you, so they’ll run to other people to spill the tea on what you’ve confided in them about. You might be surprised to discover that mutual friends know everything about your latest drama and news. Even though it might not be malicious gossip about you, it’s clear you can’t confide in your so-called friend.
