Validation and reassurance are basic human needs that everyone wants at some point. Seeking validation is a natural part of human interaction. Where it can start to get unhealthy is when it becomes a constant quest for approval from others and being unable to feel good enough on their own. From my dating experience and insights from male friends, men can have a hard time not crossing that threshold into unhealthy territory. But perhaps the solution to this is recognizing why men crave validation too. Just as we empathize with women’s need for validation, we should approach men’s needs with the same level of understanding and compassion.
1. They need a soft spot for their soft spots.
Men need a safe space for their vulnerability. Sometimes, we fail to understand that not all men want to have to prove their masculinity all the time. They crave a haven where they can drop the act and just be themselves. Men look at the woman they care about as a place for warmth and acceptance in a world full of competition and hardships. Feeling reassured that they can let down their walls is just as important as it is for women to feel secure.
2. They’re struggling with their sense of self.
Women spend a lot of time on self-reflection and tuning into their inner selves. While plenty of men also practice getting to know themselves, it’s not always as common. Because of this, some guys aren’t always so self-aware and thus need validation from others as a mirror to see themselves through. Without that external feedback, they struggle to figure out who they are and where they’re headed.
3. There’s a lot of patriarchal pressure.
Many men don’t understand how a patriarchal society can negatively impact them, too. Society tells men that they have to be a certain way to be a “real man.” They’re expected to define their masculinity by being dominant, strong, and successful. Patriarchal expectations from media portrayals to cultural norms pressure men to always be the leaders, providers, and protectors. Trying to always meet these demanding standards would make anyone wonder if they’re living up to expectations. Sometimes, they just need someone to tell them they’re man enough.
4. They’re filling the void.
After facing desertion, rejection, or losing something/someone important to them, men need validation to fill the emotional space left behind. This can come from someone who listens and offers support, or by seeking romantic or sexual connections (hollow or not) that make them feel better. As soon as men arrive in a new place, they rely on people around them to establish their presence and prove their social capabilities. Without that validation from others, they’re left feeling empty.
5. They need affirmation of their efforts.
Men put a lot of energy into their pursuits, whether it’s their careers, hobbies, or relationships. Acknowledging hard work isn’t just nice—it’s necessary. Affirming his efforts shows that his dedication and commitment are valued. When men feel their contributions are appreciated, they’re enthusiastic about keeping forth the effort.
6. They’re insecure.
Everybody has their share of insecurities. Whether it’s about their appearance, abilities, or social standings, men struggle with their self-image, too. For men, these doubts seem to weigh especially heavy on them. Men’s insecurities can spill into many different facets of their lives. It’s like a virus spreading to them. Validation acts as a quick, easy, and powerful antidote. It provides instant gratification, which is why many men see it as the only option for dealing with insecurity.
7. It’s a way to build trust.
No one wants to risk a trust fall with someone who never validates them. Without any validation, it’s hard to feel like you have anyone on your team. Men are inherently communal beings who need strong social support. Validation shows a man they’re supported, and you’re in their corner. It not only cements trust, but also keeps the lines of communication wide open and respect mutual. It reinforces that “we’ve got each other’s backs” vibe.
8. It helps alleviate anxiety.
Men especially have a massive fear of rejection. It makes approaching women pretty nerve-wracking. The awful men who are out there making women wary of men’s advances don’t help things for the good ones, either. For the ones worth keeping, a bit of validation can work wonders. Patti Stanger, relationship expert from “Million Dollar Matchmaker,” explains on her blog, “You’ve got to make sure a man feels safe and secure in your presence… When every step forward is acknowledged by the woman, praised, or given admiration, the man will take another step.” While you shouldn’t have to throw constant praise at a guy just so he’ll continue pursuing you, the assurance that you’re interested and receptive is just the green light he needs.
9. They want respect.
Men often equate validation with respect and loyalty. Without it, they may feel undervalued and insecure in their relationships. To feel confident that their partner respects them and isn’t going anywhere, they thrive on consistent reassurance and genuine compliments. This validation helps them feel stable in their relationships.
10. They have mommy issues.
Men often receive a lot of pampering, affection, and admiration in their upbringing – especially from their mothers. They continue to crave that level of approval in adulthood. If he didn’t get this kind of attention as a kid, he was left yearning for it. Either side of the coin yields similar results. What started as a need for validation from Mom naturally extends to seeking similar approval from women in their adult lives.
11. It gives them an empathy boost.
While women are usually empathic by nature, some men need a bit of a boost. Validation is like a magic empathy potion for men. When they feel heard, they’re more likely to match that energy and tune into others’ feelings and experiences. By stepping into others’ shoes, men can forge stronger relationships and help build a kinder, more understanding world.
12. They’re attention-seekers.
Men often look for attention as a way to feel seen and valued. This attention helps them affirm their worth and provides a good ol’ ego boost. Attention makes anyone feel good, but when a guy is desperate for it, his means of getting it might be unhealthy. They frequently require someone to stroke their ego to reassure themselves of their value.
13. They’re looking for confirmation bias.
Men, like everyone else, tend to seek validation that aligns with their existing beliefs and perceptions. This confirmation bias helps reinforce their sense of being right and gives them confidence in their decisions and viewpoints. These could be positive or negative existing biases about themselves, situations, or others. Whichever way, receiving validation that supports their perspective helps men feel more secure in their understanding of the world and reduces uncertainty.
14. It fuels their ambitions.
Men thrive on motivation and ambition. External validation ignites a fire within them to push further and aim higher. Validation serves as both a reward for their hard work and a catalyst for future success. It helps their sense of accomplishment and gives them renewed determination.
15. They’re craving connection.
Like anyone else, men have a fundamental need for love and a sense of belonging. Validation plays a crucial role in fulfilling this need by providing a sense of acceptance and connection with others. Oftentimes, a craving for validation is a craving for connection masked in a more self-serving way, which is normal (humans – men especially – tend to be instinctively self-focused). Whether from romantic partners, friends, or family, knowing they are loved and valued by their close relationships brings deep fulfillment and a strong sense of belonging to their lives.
