Narcissists can be masters of manipulation, and their behavior can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and questioning yourself. Being aware of their common tactics can help you spot the warning signs and protect your emotional well-being. Here are some of the mind games they might play — pay attention!
1. Pathological Lying
They lie effortlessly, even about small things, destroying your trust and making it hard to tell what’s real and what’s fabricated. This constant twisting of reality leaves you disoriented and doubting your own judgment. Eventually, you might not even trust your own instincts, making you more susceptible to their control.
2. Plastering You with the “Crazy” Label
If you question their behavior, they might claim you’re “crazy,” “unstable,” or “overreacting” to try to invalidate your feelings and experiences. This makes you second-guess your emotions and perceptions, blurring the lines of what’s acceptable behavior. It’s a way to shut down any confrontation and keep you feeling unbalanced.
3. Weaponized Incompetence
According to BetterUp, they deliberately pretend to be helpless or bad at tasks, forcing you to take on the burden and making themselves seem dependent on you. Weaponized incompetence encourages a sense of obligation and guilt on your part, trapping you in a cycle of always taking care of them. Over time, it can erode your own sense of competence and make you question your abilities.
4. Selective Memory
They “conveniently” forget promises, conversations, or events that don’t serve their narrative, leaving you feeling frustrated and confused. This gaslighting tactic undermines your confidence and makes you feel like you can’t rely on your own memory. It’s a way to rewrite history in their favor and maintain control of the narrative.
5. Future Faking
They paint rosy pictures of a future together that never materializes. This keeps you holding on out of hope for something that’s an illusion. It’s particularly cruel because it preys on your dreams and desires, making you ignore red flags in the present for the promise of a future that will never come.
6. The Push & Pull
They keep you off-balance with hot-and-cold behavior, offering sporadic affection and then withdrawing it just as quickly to keep you hooked. This rollercoaster of emotions creates an addictive dynamic, making you crave their attention even more. It leaves you feeling anxious and perpetually unsure of where you stand.
7. Creating Chaos
According to Psychology Today, they thrive on drama and may deliberately cause problems or arguments to keep the focus on them and to keep you on your toes. This constant state of turmoil leaves you exhausted and emotionally drained. It’s a way to deflect blame from their own behavior and distract you from the real problems in the relationship.
8. Isolating You
They subtly discourage your relationships with friends and family, trying to make you solely dependent on them for support and validation. This cuts off your access to other perspectives and makes it harder to see their manipulation for what it is. By isolating you, they increase their control and make it more difficult to break free.
9. Humiliation
They might make fun of you, put you down privately or publicly, all designed to chip away at your self-worth and make you more controllable. This repeated degradation erodes your self-esteem and leaves you feeling ashamed and insecure. It’s a way to break down your spirit and make you less likely to stand up for yourself.
10. Fake Apologies
They may offer apologies that lack sincerity or don’t address the real issue, just enough to ease the tension and keep you around. These insincere apologies are designed to avoid accountability and make you think they’ve changed. However, without real remorse, the pattern of hurtful behavior is bound to continue.
11. Mirroring
At first, they might pretend to have all your interests and values, creating an illusion of being your perfect match. But this facade usually fades quickly. This initial mirroring is a tactic to reel you in and creates a false sense of connection that leaves you vulnerable to their manipulations later on.
12. Smear Campaigns
If you leave them, they might turn others against you, spreading lies and gossip to damage your reputation and destroy your support system. This vindictiveness aims to punish you for defying them and make it harder for you to leave or speak out against them. It’s a way to maintain control and protect their image, even at your expense.
13. The “Woe is Me” Routine
They constantly play on your sympathy, portraying themselves as a victim of circumstance to evoke your pity and keep you in a caretaking role They want you to feel sorry for them, excusing their behavior and neglecting your own emotional needs. It’s guilt-tripping at its finest, aimed at keeping you focused on their problems instead of the harm they cause.
14. Gifts as Manipulation
Showering you with gifts after bad behavior isn’t genuine generosity, it’s a way to buy your forgiveness and distract from the real issues. These gifts become bribes, obscuring the hurtful pattern and making you feel obligated to stay. It’s a way to sweep their wrongdoing under the rug without truly addressing the problems.
15. Disregard for Boundaries
They push against your limits and ignore your need for space or privacy, all about asserting their control and breaking down your personal defenses. This disrespect for your boundaries makes you feel unsafe and unheard. It’s a way of demonstrating that your needs and feelings don’t matter, only theirs do.
16. Jealousy Games
They might provoke jealousy by flirting with others or talking about exes, designed to make you feel insecure and work harder for their affection. This manufactured insecurity keeps you preoccupied with trying to “win” them over, distracting from their harmful behaviors. Ultimately, it aims to keep you constantly feeling like you’re not good enough and make you even more dependent on their validation.
