We all have moments of self-doubt, but for some people, that insecurity runs really deep. When the self-doubt is so embedded, it can negatively impact actions, relationships, and their overall outlook on life. Fear not, though, because recognizing these behaviors is the first step to addressing them. So, let’s get into the signs that show someone is dealing with a ton of insecurity.
1. They Constantly Apologize
You’ve probably encountered someone who apologizes for everything, even things entirely out of their control. They might say “sorry” when someone else bumps into them or apologize for the weather. According to Psych Central, this excessive apologizing stems from a deep-seated fear of disapproval and a belief that they’re constantly inconveniencing others. Over time, this habit affects self-esteem and can even strain relationships.
2. They Seek Validation Like It’s Going Out of Style
Insecure people might fish for compliments, post on social media for likes and comments, or constantly ask for reassurance about their decisions or appearance. This behavior goes beyond normal human desire for approval—nope, they’re trying to fill a bottomless pit of self-doubt. The problem is, that no amount of external validation can truly fix internal insecurity. It’s a temporary fix that leaves them always craving more.
3. The Jealousy Monster Strikes Often
Sure, everyone feels jealous sometimes, but insecure people tend to grapple with it more intensely and frequently. They’ll do things like obsess over their partner’s ex, feel threatened by a friend’s success, or constantly compare themselves (unfavorably, we might add) to others. This manifests in passive-aggressive comments, attempts to undermine others, or withdrawal from relationships.
4. Their Perfectionism Is Off the Charts
Striving for excellence? A generally good habit. But insecure individuals take this to unhealthy extremes. They might spend hours agonizing over tiny details in a project, refuse to delegate tasks because “no one else will do it right,” or avoid trying new things for fear of not being immediately perfect. This is really a shield against potential criticism or failure that ironically often leads to procrastination, missed opportunities, and increased stress—the very things they’re trying to avoid.
5. They Overcompensate with Bragging
Contrary to what you might expect, that person who’s always boasting about their achievements or possessions might be deeply insecure. This behavior often backfires, because constant bragging tends to push people away rather than impress them. The need to constantly prove oneself is not only exhausting but it rarely addresses the underlying feelings of inadequacy.
6. They’re Extremely Indecisive
Extremely indecisive people are often paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice and facing judgment. They’d rather defer to others than risk disapproval or failure. This indecisiveness can lead to a sense of life happening to them rather than actively participating in it.
7. They Self-Deprecate Excessively
While a bit of self-deprecating humor can be endearing, constantly putting yourself down is a red flag for insecurity. By beating others to the punch with criticism, they think they’re protecting themselves. However, this behavior can make others uncomfortable and reinforce negative self-perceptions. Over time, these comments can become internalized beliefs, worsening self-esteem.
8. They’re A Control Freak
This might show up as micromanaging at work, being overly rigid about plans, or trying to dictate how others should behave. The root of this behavior is usually fear—fear of the unknown, fear of failure, or fear of being exposed as inadequate. While the control freak might think they’re ensuring everything goes smoothly, their behavior creates tension and resentment.
9. They Constantly Compare
Deeply insecure individuals are constantly measuring themselves against others—their looks, their achievements, their relationships, everything. This habit can lead to a distorted view of reality, where they always come up short. The energy spent on these comparisons could be used for something positive, like personal growth and self-improvement, but instead, it fuels a cycle of self-doubt.
10. They’re an Excuse Machine
When things go wrong, insecure people often have a ready list of excuses to deflect responsibility. By constantly attributing problems to external factors, they avoid facing their own role in situations. While this might give them temporary relief from feelings of low confidence, it prevents genuine learning and growth.
11. They Have Difficulty Accepting Compliments
You might think insecure people would lap up praise, but often the opposite is true. When given a compliment, they might deflect it, argue against it, or immediately counter with self-criticism. This stems from a deep-seated belief that they’re not worthy of praise. Compliments create cognitive dissonance with their negative self-image, causing discomfort. Learning to simply say “thank you” can be a challenge but is an important step in building a healthier self-image.
12. The Hijack Conversations
You’re in the middle of telling a story, and suddenly they jump in with their own (usually more dramatic) tale. They have a fear of being overlooked or a need to prove their worth, and they do that through one-upmanship. They might also interrupt frequently or steer discussions back to themselves. While they might think this makes them seem interesting or important, it usually has the opposite effect, making others feel unheard and unvalued.
13. They’re a Member of Procrastination Nation
Surprisingly, according to Healthline, chronic procrastination can be rooted in insecurity. By putting things off, they avoid the possibility of failure or judgment. It’s easier to say “I didn’t have time” than “I tried and it wasn’t good enough.” This avoidance provides temporary relief but ultimately increases stress and reinforces feelings of inadequacy. Chronic procrastinators often find themselves in a cycle of last-minute rushes and self-recrimination, further damaging their self-esteem.
14. They Sabotage Relationships
Some insecure people subconsciously push their partners away or create problems in otherwise healthy relationships. That can look like picking fights over small issues, being overly jealous, or withdrawing emotionally. Paradoxically, this behavior stems from a fear of abandonment or not being good enough. By creating problems, they’re essentially trying to control the inevitable hurt they believe is coming. Unfortunately, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, damaging or ending relationships that might have otherwise thrived.
15. They Overshare On Social Media
While social media isn’t inherently bad, constantly seeking likes and comments can be a sign of insecurity. The person who documents every moment of their life online might be looking for confirmation that their life is interesting or valuable. They might feel anxious when a post doesn’t get enough engagement or obsessively check their phone for notifications. This can lead to a distorted view of reality, where self-worth is tied to online metrics rather than genuine experiences and relationships.
16. They’re Major People-Pleasers
Always saying yes, even when they want to say no, insecure individuals struggle with setting boundaries. They’re afraid that saying no might lead to rejection or conflict, so they bend over backward to keep everyone happy…everyone except themselves. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of personal identity. People-pleasers often end up feeling taken advantage of, yet struggle to break the cycle due to their deep-seated fear of disapproval.
