Moms — we love ’em, but sometimes even the most well-intentioned mothers can be masters of the backhanded compliment. It’s that special mix of praise and subtle insult that leaves you wondering if you should laugh, cry, or immediately book a therapy session. Maybe she marvels at your ability to cook something “edible,” or comments on finally finding a career path that suits you. It’s enough to make you question your entire life and sanity. Are these compliments really as hurtful as they feel, or are we all just a bit too sensitive?
1. “You clean up nice!”
The unspoken part here is that the rest of the time, you look like a slob. It’s like, “Wow, thanks for reminding me that my everyday self isn’t up to your standards, Mom. But hey, at least I know I have great cleaning potential… if I ever decide to prioritize your approval over my own comfort.”
2. “You’ve lost weight… you were starting to look a little chunky.”
Ouch! Celebrating weight loss is one thing, but she didn’t need to shame your old body to do it (that’s being an almond mom, according to Today. Your size doesn’t determine your worth. Your body is amazing for what it can do, not just how it looks. Your mom taught you a lot of what you know about feminism, so how can she say something like this?
3. “That’s a… bold fashion choice.”
Translation: “You look ridiculous, and I’m vaguely embarrassed to be seen with you.” Rock those bold choices anyway. Style is about expressing yourself, not pleasing your mom. Maybe she should take a note from your fashion book and loosen up a little.
4. “I never got to do [cool thing] when I was your age.”
This is a not-so-subtle dig with a side of guilt-tripping. Your opportunities shouldn’t make her feel bad about her past, especially since her choices aren’t your responsibility. That doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate all she’s done for you, but you also didn’t ask to be born. Live your life to the fullest, and hopefully, you’ll inspire her to chase her own dreams too.
5. “A new hairstyle! Looks… different.”
This one is code for “I hate it, but I’m trying to be polite.” Don’t worry, it’ll grow out (if you hate it and want it to, that is)! In the meantime, channel your inner rock star and wear that “different” style with pride. You might even inspire her to try a bold new look of her own.
6. “He/she seems… nice.”
Gotta love blatant disapproval with the slightest tinge of “praise.” If your partner only gets a lukewarm endorsement from Mom, that’s a red flag. Your happiness matters, not her lukewarm approval. Hopefully, your partner sees how amazing you are, even if your mom needs some convincing. (If you need more help with this particular scenario, here are some good tips according to Psych Central.)
7. “Wow, you actually managed to cook something edible!”
Your culinary skills are apparently so terrible that this is a genuine surprise. Time to invest in takeout menus or brush up on some new recipes just to spite her — or, even better, make your partner or friends your taste testers and leave Mom out of the loop.
8. “That’s impressive… for YOU.”
Your mom can’t even compliment you without throwing in a dose of condescension, it seems. You deserve genuine recognition for your achievements, without that backhanded sting. Your wins are worthy of celebration and pride no matter how small they are. You’re not just good enough, you’re amazing.
9. “It’s great that you’re finally focusing on your career.”
Is your mom implying that you were lazy or unambitious before? It sure seems that way. Your career journey is your own, and your progress should be celebrated, not used to judge your past. Remind her that everyone moves at their own pace, and peaking early doesn’t negate late bloomers.
10. “So happy you finally found SOMETHING you’re good at.”
Ouch again! Your talents shouldn’t need her validation to shine. Celebrate your passions regardless of when she finally deigns to acknowledge them. Also, maybe start dropping hints about all the other things you’re awesome at just to broaden her perspective.
11. “Your house is so… cozy.”
In other words, she thinks it’s small, cramped, or maybe a little messy. Remember, “cozy” can be awesome! Focus on creating a home that makes you happy since you’re the one living there. Fill it with things you love, and let anyone who calls it “cramped” find their own spacious mansion to judge.
12. “I love how confident you are, even if it’s a bit misplaced.”
Your mom just can’t just let you feel good about yourself, can she? Your confidence isn’t up for her approval. Keep strutting your stuff — and pity her a little because clearly she never learned the power of owning your awesome. Also, call her out for being so nasty. She might not even realize how awful she’s being, but she definitely should!
13. “At least you’re funny!”
This usually comes after she’s subtly insulted your looks or intelligence. Being funny is great, but it shouldn’t be the only positive thing she sees in you. Develop a killer comeback line for the next time she throws this one out.
14. “Good for you for trying.”
When someone says this to you, they basically expect you to fail. Don’t let low expectations hold you back. Prove her wrong by exceeding them in spectacular fashion. Aim high, and let your success be the most satisfying response.
15. “I always want what’s best for you…”
This is often followed by an opinion that totally clashes with what you want. Remember, “what’s best” is subjective, and your definition matters most. Thank her for her concern, but don’t feel obligated to follow advice that doesn’t align with your goals.
16. “I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
This sounds sweet, but sometimes it masks judgmental undertones. True love is unconditional and doesn’t need constant reassurance. Hopefully, she means it as genuinely as it sounds, but trust your gut if the actions don’t match the words.
