When you get dumped or walk away from your relationship, you might feel like you’ve stepped on an emotional rollercoaster, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat to get through the day, and crying your heart out to friends over tequila shots. But, while your heart’s broken, you might not realize that your brain could be feeling just as busted up. Here are 15 strange things your brain does when you experience heartbreak.
1. Your brain tries to get you back with your ex.
It sometimes takes your brain a while to receive the memo that you’re not getting back together with your ex. Studies featuring fMRI scans of people experiencing pain and anger after a breakup found that when people look at pictures of their exes and feel a zing of love, this is because their brains’ “reward” systems continue firing dopamine neurons as though trying to cultivate those romantic feelings again. This is also why you might feel angry with yourself when you keep wanting to contact your ex even though you know a relationship sequel isn’t the best move.
2. But, your brain is also trying to stop you from texting your ex.
Although your brain is firing dopamine neurons that make you crave your ex, heartbreak also activates its orbital frontal cortex. This is the logical part of the brain associated with controlling your behavior and learning from your feelings. This is why you might second-guess your decision to text your ex when you’re drunk — your brain’s trying to keep you on the path of healing by overriding its “reward” system!
3. Your brain’s chemicals make you want security and comfort.
If your friends give you what-the-heck looks when you express wanting to take your ex back, blame your brain being drowned by hormones such as vasopressin and oxytocin. This powerful chemical cocktail is activated after a breakup, and it can motivate to make you want to go back to the coziness and bond of having a relationship, instead of being on your own.
4. Your brain torments you with obsessive thoughts.
It’s so frustrating when you can’t get your ex out of your head. This happens because your brain’s serotonin (or happiness hormone) drops suddenly after a breakup, causing you to experience thoughts on a loop and tons of negativity. This can cause withdrawal-like symptoms, such as anxiety and mood disturbances. This is also why you might experience insomnia after a breakup.
5. Your brain makes you feel distressed.
During heartbreak, your brain also decreases its supply of endogenous opioids. These form part of a system of neurons in the central and peripheral nervous systems, and they have a pain-relieving effect on pain stimuli. When they stop working in the way they should, this causes the intense feeling of being in pain. It can be so upsetting that it makes you want to reach out to your ex. It’s like your ex is a drug, and you just want to get back with them so that the pain stops.
6. Your brain makes your stress levels hit the roof.
When you experience heartbreak, your stress system will be triggered. This increase in cortisol (the stress hormone) is why you might feel anxiety, insomnia, and a lack of appetite. It also causes you to feel more alert and on guard, making it difficult to relax. This hormone also affects other processes in the body, such as by increasing your blood pressure, which can lead to other health problems.
7. Your brain might try to make you see your ex’s flaws.
If you’ve ended a relationship that was going south for a while, your brain might have started trying to encourage you to see your partner’s shortcomings during the relationship. A study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that when people saw their partners negatively, they found it easier to get over them faster. So, when you’re becoming highly critical of your partner, don’t blame yourself — it could be a way for your brain to help you get through the upcoming breakup. Thanks, brain!
8. Your brain makes you feel physical pain.
Breakups hurt like hell, but it’s not something you’re imagining. Research, via the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), has found that when people experience heartbreak and look at pictures of their exes, they experience the same brain activity as when they’re in physical pain. The reason is that rejection and physical pain are processed in the same regions of the brain, the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal posterior insula.
9. Your brain encourages you to take risks.
If you’ve ever been tempted to have a one-night-stand or start using substances after a breakup to help you feel better, it’s because your brain is trying to get more dopamine since it’s not getting it from your relationship anymore. This neurotransmitter is associated with pleasure and reward. The best way to deal is to find healthier releases of dopamine that won’t lead to regret, such as chasing a goal or doing a creative activity.
10. Your brain makes you feel unsafe.
When your stress hormones are triggered after a breakup, this sets off alarms in your body. You feel like a safety blanket has been ripped out from under you. It causes your nervous system to behave as though the situation isn’t safe because you don’t have your companion at your side, leading to feelings of anxiety. This is why it can take time to start to feel like flying solo is safe and can be fun.
11. Your brain makes you feel depressed.
After a relationship ends, some regions in the brain experience decreased activity. These include the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and posterior cingulate cortex (PCC). The lowered activity can lead to feelings of sadness and grief, which mimic the emotions experienced during depression. So, while you might think you’re having full-blown depression, you could be experiencing sadness that feels like it. However, it’s worth noting that if you experience the symptoms for longer than two weeks, you could be dealing with clinical depression.
12. Your brain makes you feel anxious about the future.
You know the feeling when you’ve ended a relationship, and you feel antsy or worried about the future? Your brain is experiencing uncertainty, which can be more terrifying than going through a traumatic event. As UK hypnotherapist Malminder Gill explains, our brains know how to deal with negative situations, but they struggle with the unknown. This is why you might be stuck in a cycle of anxiety and fear about the future after a breakup.
13. Your brain experiences fight or flight.
After a stressful breakup, your brain’s amygdala, which is responsible for regulating your feelings, experiences more activity. This intensifies the negative feelings surrounding the breakup, such as anger and sadness, but it also triggers adrenaline. In addition, the sympathetic nervous system sends hormones into the body that boost your heart rate and make you want to run for the nearest exit. It also makes you feel physical pain.
14. Your brain reduces its progesterone.
When you find yourself alone and heartbroken, your brain experiences a reduction in its production of the progesterone hormone. This encourages feelings of loneliness. Although it sucks, it can be a good thing. By making you feel lonely, your brain could be trying to motivate you to reach out and form connections with new people, as researchers have stated. So, view feelings of loneliness as a sign that you’re getting ready to move on.
15. Your brain motivates you to make better decisions.
Your brain might be making you feel bad about your heartbreak, but it’s also trying to push you to forget your ex. It experiences a surge of activity in the cingulate gyrus and orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex, which are linked to lowering your impulsive or reckless behavior. The good thing about this is that your brain’s trying to encourage you to stop, reflect, and make good decisions so you can have a healthier future. Nice one.
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