Relationships aren’t always the fairy tales we dreamed about as kids. Sometimes, they turn into emotionally draining nightmares. If you’ve found yourself in a relationship that’s sucking the life out of you rather than filling your cup, don’t throw in the towel just yet. Here are some ways to bring back that spark you thought was long gone.
1. Hit pause
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is…nothing. At least for a moment. Take a step back and breathe, you need to give yourself and your partner a moment to reset. This isn’t about ignoring problems, but about creating space to approach them with a fresher perspective and way less anger.
2. Bring back the communication
We’re not talking about those cliché “we need to talk” sessions that everyone dreads. Instead, according to NBC, you should try the 5-5-5 method: spend 5 minutes talking about your day, 5 minutes discussing a shared interest, and 5 minutes brainstorming future plans. It’s like a conversational sampler platter that can help you rediscover the joy of just talking to each other.
3. Play the ‘no complaint’ challenge
Here’s a tough one: try going a whole week without complaining to or about your partner. We’re not saying shove any problems under the rug, but we are saying to change how you approach them. Instead of “You never do the laundry,” try “I’d really appreciate some help with the laundry.”
4. Rediscover physical touch
In long-term relationships, physical touch can become routine or even rare. Challenge yourselves to incorporate more non-sexual touch into your day. Hold hands while watching TV, give a quick shoulder rub while they’re working, or just hug for no reason. Recharging your relationship’s battery through simple, loving contact? Yes, please.
5. Create an ‘intimacy jar’
Grab any jar and fill it with slips of paper, each with a question or prompt that can help to deepen your connection. “What’s your biggest fear?” “What’s a dream you’ve never told anyone about?” Pull one out each day or make it a weekly thing. It’s kind of like a fun relationship advent calendar!
6. Volunteer together
Nothing brings people together like helping others. Find a cause you both care about and go help out. Whether it’s walking dogs at a shelter or serving meals at a soup kitchen, shared acts of kindness can reignite the sense of being a team again.
7. Learn their love language
For real this time. You’ve probably heard about the five love languages, but have you really dug into them? Take the quiz together and then make a conscious effort to ‘speak’ your partner’s love language more often. It’s like learning to communicate in a way that really resonates with your partner’s heart.
8. Surprise them with acts of service
As you know, we all have different “love languages,” but acts of service are a great thing to do regardless. Surprise your partner by doing one of their chores without being asked, or taking care of something they’ve been putting off. It’s like saying “I love you” without words, and actions often speak louder anyway.
9. Bring back date night
Date nights are great, but they can become routine. So here’s the twist: take turns planning surprise dates for each other. The catch? They have to be something you’ve never done together before. It could be as simple as a picnic in a new park or as wild as a skydiving lesson. It’s about creating new shared experiences and injecting some unpredictability into your routine.
10. Ambush them with your appreciation
Sounds violent, but it’s fun. Cover their car, workspace, or a room in your home with sticky notes, each one listing something you love or appreciate about them. Or find your own way to show them you love them! It’s a surprise party for their ego, and it can work wonders in reminding both of you why you’re together.
11. Create a relationship bucket list
Sit down and dream big together. Where do you want to travel? What experiences do you want to share? Creating a joint bucket list not only gives you things to look forward to but also helps align your future visions.
12. Do a tech detox
Challenge yourselves to a tech-free day (or weekend if you’re brave). No phones, no TV, no computers. Just you two and good old-fashioned face-to-face interaction. It might feel weird at first, but it’s a great way to rediscover the art of simply being together without distractions.
13. Rewrite your ‘relationship rules’
Every relationship has unspoken rules. Maybe you always do the dishes, or they always choose the Netflix show. It’s time to shake things up. Sit down and actually write out your relationship ‘rules,’ then flip them on their head. Who knows, it might just remind you why you chose each other in the first place.
14. Play the gratitude game
According to Harvard Business Review, when you’re emotionally drained, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong. Flip the script by playing the gratitude game. Each day, share three things you appreciate about your partner. They can be big (“I love how you support my dreams”) or small (“Thanks for always replacing the toilet paper roll”). It’s like suddenly seeing your relationship in high definition.
15. Ask the what ifs
Play a game of ‘What If’ to spark interesting conversations. “What if we could live anywhere in the world?” “What if we won the lottery?” These hypothetical scenarios can lead to fascinating insights about each other’s dreams and values. It’s like a fun house mirror for your relationship, showing you new and interesting reflections of your partnership.
