Surely, we’ve all been there. You’re in a conversation with a friend, or a co-worker, and footsteps approach…and suddenly it’s not your conversation anymore. A separate party has completely taken over with an anecdote about a grandchild, an itinerary of a tropical vacation, or a way-too-in-depth summary of their morning’s bathroom experience. Now, you’re a good person. You don’t want to be mean, we assume. But you want to do something. We’ve got your back. Here are a few responses for when someone hijacks your conversation.
1. Ignore them.
This response falls under the category of things you technically could do…but probably shouldn’t. Yes, every situation is different, but generally speaking…pretending a person isn’t there is just not a good strategy. If you choose this response, be prepared for some conflict that may be a little harder to ignore.
2. Call them out.
Don’t be rude about it, but this may be appropriate. As long as you’re kind, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m sorry, I was talking to so and so…” Especially if the current conversation is important/private, this response may be necessary.
3. Try “almost” ignoring.
When the person interrupts your conversation, acknowledge their words with a nod or an “Oh, cool!” and then go back to your conversation as if nothing happened. Depending on the situation, this could be a bit rude. So use your discretion here. And be prepared to have to do it more than once!
4. Change the subject.
If your coworker won’t stop talking about their amazing trip to Jamaica, change the topic to Wednesday’s strategy meeting. Hopefully, the other person will pick up on the hint! Use some fun transition words here, like a “oh by the way…” or throw in a “speaking of…” Just don’t be too obvious!
5. Minimize responses/reactions.
One of the rules for being a good conversationalist is to ask the other person questions. Well, we’re not going to do that here. For this response, you’re going to break that rule as much as possible. Your responses should range from nods to “Oh, cool” (and never more enthusiastic than that). This allows you to be mostly courteous, while also letting the “hijacker” know you’re not just dropping your conversation for them.
6. Schedule a conversation.
This, if successful, is a win-win-win. It can be as simple as “Hey! Yeah, I’d love to talk to you more about that. Can I come by your desk after lunch?” The “hijacker” is acknowledged rather than ignored. The other person(s) in the conversation are not subjected to the conversational takeover. And you’ve been polite, courteous, and handled a potentially awkward situation with grace.
7. Divert attention to others.
If Rob won’t stop talking about his high school basketball accomplishments (20 years ago), then everyone probably needs a break. Try asking Amanda about her daughter’s upcoming band competition. A rapt audience just adds fuel to Rob’s fire, so the attention needs to be placed elsewhere—stat!
8. Walk away
This should be self-explanatory, but let’s be safe: don’t just start walking as soon as the person starts talking. Don’t be rude. Or weird. But a simple “It’s been nice chatting, but I’ve got to run!” is always an option!
9. Watch for breaks, and take them!
Everyone has to breathe at some point, right? Look for any breaks in the soliloquy to regain control! When they stop for breath, don’t wait—start talking! You don’t have to be rude, and you also don’t have to just let the train run fully off the tracks. Just look for opportunities, and take them!
10. Use signals.
This one is tricky because it requires a trusted accomplice. And some planning. Come up with a subtle arm scratch, a raising of an eyebrow, or an equally unassuming response such as: “Oh hey! Didn’t we say we’d meet George to go over those expense reports?” The next time that one person comes up to hijack the conversation again, you have an easy out!
11. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
This tactic works best with random occurrences, not patterned behavior. You can choose to assume that this person didn’t notice you were already in a conversation or that they aren’t aware of how much they’re talking. Maybe they need someone to talk to. It’s not convenient for you, but it’s a way to view a fellow human with grace. And that’s a good thing.
12. Politely address a pattern.
Here’s a tactic for repeat behavior! There’s absolutely a way to do this politely, without belittling the other party. You can simply smile and kindly say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’ve noticed that when I’m in a conversation and you join in, it sometimes feels as though you dominate the conversation. I’d love to talk to you, but this conversation matters to me as well, and so I’m going to prioritize that.”
13. Adjust your expectations.
Whatever response you choose, the conversation will no longer follow its original trajectory. Adjust your expectations! Be prepared to deal with upset if you call out or set boundaries. Be prepared to pick up the conversation at another time if you walk away, perhaps. Unfortunately, all of these responses have some level of consequence. So adjust your expectations for the future of the conversation!
14. Do nothing.
Just let it slide. Don’t analyze it hard enough to give the benefit of the doubt. Don’t say anything, don’t set any boundaries. Just let it happen. Just accept that this is where the conversation is going now. This option isn’t ideal, and I don’t recommend it as a go-to option. But, like most things, there’s a time and place for it.
15. Give them the attention.
You can make the choice to give all the way in! Don’t just let them take over—encourage it! Ask questions, and keep them going. This, also, isn’t a go-to option. But there’s definitely a place for it. Sometimes, taking over conversations has less to do with self-awareness, and more to do with loneliness. Sometimes people need to be seen and heard. You can choose to be that person for someone, to see and hear them and their story. Even at your own inconvenience…because isn’t that just part of being a good human?
