Whether it’s your birthday celebration or the festive holidays, narcissists always rock up to the party ready to cause drama and make things awkward. They do this because they feel threatened, not wanting to be out of the spotlight for a day. Here are 15 common ways in which narcissistic people will try to derail the festivities and burst your bubble.
1. They manipulate people’s emotions.
If they’re feeling insecure about being out of the spotlight, a narcissist might try to dominate the entire event by manipulating what other people feel. They might talk about the gruesome car accident they saw on the way to the event, putting everyone in a somber mood. Or, they might share amazing news, like they’re engaged or won an award at work, to outshine the celebration. If you’ve planned the party, it’s going to hurt your feelings to be so overshadowed by them.
2. They downplay the occasion.
When you’re happy and excited about an upcoming party or social event, the narcissist in your life might try to make it seem insignificant. They might brush off your joy and anticipation, like by saying, “It’s just a party, though” or “Yeah, it’ll be fine.” They don’t want the event to take priority in your mind because they want you to focus solely on them. If the event’s not about them, they won’t be interested in it.
3. They create drama.
To get more attention from you when you’re busy planning your friend’s engagement party or your mother’s birthday party, the narcissist in your life might try to create chaos and negativity. They’ll pick a fight with you before or during the event so that you feel sad throughout the day and struggle to enjoy yourself. All they care about is sabotaging the special occasion—it makes them feel better to see you having a bad time.
4. They act like a victim.
A narcissist loves playing the victim card to gain your sympathy and attention. So, they might try to focus on their hardships to draw attention away from the occasion. For example, if you’re celebrating someone’s birthday, they’ll talk about how horrible their birthday was. They might also create fake emergencies that pull you away from the event to focus on them instead.
5. They ignore your wishes.
Narcissists will find any way possible way to display their power. They might go against your wishes for the event, like helping with the decorations for your birthday party and choosing colors that are not a part of the color scheme you agreed on. Or, they might show up with no respect for the dress code, showing how they think they’re above the rules.
6. They don’t care about the event at all.
They will go to great lengths to show they don’t want to be at the occasion. So, if you’ve invited them to your family’s dinner party, they might not care about making a good impression or bringing gifts. Similarly, if they’re attending someone’s anniversary, they might keep to themselves and drink wine in the corner without socializing. They don’t make any effort because they don’t care about it. And, they’re hoping this will hurt you.
7. They become moody on the day.
Although a narcissist might seem happy in the days leading up to the special occasion, on the day they might become sulky or temperamental. They might also bring this negative energy to the party, which is a huge downer for everyone else present. It also makes you feel uncomfortable because you might feel like you have to cater to their needs and try to improve their mood, instead of focusing on the other partygoers.
8. They criticize your efforts in front of others.
If you’ve played a big role in organizing the event, the narcissist might try to diminish your achievements. They can’t handle it when other people praise you because it makes them feel inferior, so they’ll try to take you down as much as they can. For example, when someone compliments your cooking, the narcissist might bring attention to the flaws in the meals. Or, they might ask other guests if they also think the music is lame. They’ll do this in a joking way, but it can hurt your feelings. It’s their way of gaining some control.
9. They interrupt conversations.
In social situations, narcissists might try to take charge of conversations. They’ll interrupt other people a lot or try to speak louder than everyone else so they feel like they’re owning the situation. This is because they have an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority, believing their stories are the most valuable. They also have a deep-seated fear of being overlooked, which causes them to assert their presence.
10. They try to take center stage.
Linked to the previous point, narcissists will go over the top in trying to be the center of attention at every special occasion to which they’re invited. They will be theatrical and charming, trying to win everyone’s favor and be seen as the wittiest, funniest, and smartest person in the room. Since they lack empathy, they don’t care about other people’s feelings and needs.
11. They try to take over organizing the event.
To help deal with their fear of being invisible, it’s not uncommon for a narcissist to take charge of organizing the event. They might seem interested in it, but they’re only going the extra mile to gain validation from others. This enables them to manipulate the party details to their liking, ensuring that the spotlight remains on them. It allows them to control the narrative and feel special on the day, even if it’s not supposed to be about them.
12. They complain the whole way through.
Some narcissists will complain about the event the whole time, which helps them get attention, even if it’s negative. This can also be their way of creating some drama and ruining everyone else’s experience. They’ll complain about everything related to the party, or make passive-aggressive remarks about it. For example, when they see the suit or dress you’re wearing, they’ll say, “It’s nice, but it’s not really your style, is it?” Or, they’ll tell the host, “Wow, the quiche is delicious. I didn’t think you were capable of cooking like this.”
13. They arrive late or leave early.
To show that they view the special occasion as being insignificant, narcissists will make sure they arrive late to keep everyone waiting for them. This allows for a grand entrance, shining the spotlight once again. Or, they might leave the party early so they look like they have something more important to do. This kind of behavior sends the message that they don’t respect other people’s time—they only care about their commitments and schedules.
14. They create a scene.
Narcissists might try to upset or surprise everyone by causing a scene, whether positive or negative. This could involve getting into a heated argument with someone or standing up and singing loudly to entertain everyone. They might even sabotage the event by interrupting people’s speeches, ruining surprises, or inviting unwelcome guests. They gain pleasure from seeing other people disappointed or shocked.
15. They make a big deal of disliking your gift.
Usually, narcissists hold others to extremely high standards and expectations. If you buy them a gift on a special occasion, they’ll make it clear that they don’t like it. They act like a spoiled brat who expects others to know what they want and give them the best of everything. They don’t have the empathy to appreciate what others do for them, so they don’t care if getting angry or being sarcastic hurts others’ feelings.
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