If you try to blend in with others, you might initially get an ego boost from fitting into a group but it’s not going to give you lasting happiness. Instead, you’re reducing your chance of happiness because you’re avoiding your authenticity. It’s time to step away from the crowd. Here are 15 ways in which desperately trying to fit in is preventing the real you from coming out.
1. It’s making you anxious.
If you’re constantly trying to blend in with others and go with the flow of your social circle, you could become a people pleaser. This happens because you want others to like you, which causes you to deny what you want. It’s unhealthy. Over time, this can cause you to feel lots of anxiety because you’re accumulating unmet needs and wants. Relationships should be about compromise, but you’re sacrificing yourself to be liked.
2. It’s making you feel lost.
Feeling desperate to be accepted by others can make you throw your feelings on the back burner and instead, you prioritize theirs. The result of this is that you feel confused, and unsure of what you truly feel because you’re so used to thinking about what’s best for others. It could also lead to larger issues, such as taking on other people’s traits, behaviors, and choices.
3. It’s making you an angry person.
If you’re constantly suppressing your emotions to be liked by others, you might feel like your feelings or needs aren’t valid or worthy of attention. Over time, this can make you feel angry or frustrated about the situation, especially if you don’t feel confident to assert yourself. In addition, conforming to group behaviors or values can clash with yours, causing you to feel like you’re betraying yourself. It’s this internal conflict that causes resentment.
4. It’s making you stop learning about yourself.
Having a strong desire to fit in with your social group causes you to seek external validation instead of focusing on your internal self-worth. This can cause you to make choices based on what others want instead of what resonates with your true self. You might not even check in with yourself to learn more about what you want from life! In addition, fitting in usually requires you to follow the norms of a specific group, which limits your exposure to diverse perspectives. This reduces your opportunity for personal exploration.
5. It’s making you abandon your interests.
If you feel the pressure to adopt other people’s hobbies and passions because that’s what they like, you could be neglecting your own. This reduces your experience of happiness and self-fulfillment, while potentially making you agree to do things that you don’t even enjoy—all in the name of getting other people’s approval or validation. It’s not worth it! Your interests are an important part of what brings you joy and gives your life meaning, so by throwing them out you’re sabotaging yourself.
6. It’s causing you to feel depressed.
Trying so hard to gain validation from others is exhausting, which can drop your mood and make you feel depressed. In addition, by ignoring your authentic self and what you need, you’re blocking off opportunities to feel happy. Genuine connections are based on authenticity. If you’re suppressing yourself, your deeper emotional needs aren’t being met, which leads to feelings of loneliness and depression.
7. It’s preventing alone time.
It’s difficult to get enough “you time” if you’re always focusing on fitting in and doing what other people want. Perhaps you say “yes” to everyone’s requests and invites so you don’t have any time to yourself. Without enough time to take stock of your feelings and recharge your energy reserves, you could lack self-reflection that leads to personal growth. You’re also not giving yourself time to focus on your life’s purpose.
8. It’s making you feel like a fake person.
Chances are, after some time of trying to blend in with other people, you could start to feel guilty. This is because you’re not only hurting yourself by changing who you are, but you’re also harming the people with whom you’re trying to belong. They’re not getting a chance to see the real you, which could make them feel like you’re being disingenuous or manipulative if they discovered that you’ve been wearing a social mask.
9. It’s making you experience low self-esteem.
It’s only natural that after some time of fitting in, you could start to feel rejected…by yourself! You’re rejecting who you really are by wanting external validation from your friends, which erodes your self-esteem and makes you feel unworthy. In addition, fitting in involves constantly comparing yourself to other people, which only serves to highlight perceived deficiencies and inadequacies within you.
10. It’s making you avoid fulfilling relationships.
Struggling to conform to others can blind you from your real self, which prevents you from making real connections with others. Look, you should feel like you belong to your social circle for who you are right now, not for who you can become when you jump through hoops to keep them happy. By doing the latter, you’re stopping yourself from finding satisfying relationships that celebrate your unique, authentic self.
11. It’s making you turn off your intuition.
If you’re trying hard to fit in, you’re prioritizing external cues and group norms instead of your feelings and instincts. This can lead to suppressing intuitive signals that might guide you to more authentic and fulfilling choices. In addition, the pressure to conform can override your personal judgment. For example, you might fall into the trap of second-guessing your insights and ideas, which prevents you from trusting yourself.
12. It’s making you seek unhealthy ways of releasing stress.
Feeling lots of pressure to conform is stressful. Without healthy coping mechanisms in place that arise from self-reflection and awareness, you might seek ways of relieving stress in unhealthy ways, especially if your social group encourages it. For example, you might drink a lot or use drugs. Alternatively, the pressure and guilt you feel when you try to blend in might make you withdraw socially because you feel overwhelmed, which increases your loneliness.
13. It’s making you feel envious of other people.
If you’re always striving to fit in with your friends, you could become obsessed with comparing yourself to them. When you perceive others as having more desirable attributes, achievements, or acceptance, it can lead to feelings of envy or make you more competitive with others. This takes you further away from yourself because you’re invalidating your feelings and not focusing on what makes you special and worthy.
14. It’s blocking your personal growth.
Conforming to a group can make you suppress your thoughts and opinions for fear of being rejected. Although this might make others like or accept you, it’s preventing you from expressing yourself. You can’t explore or affirm your true values and beliefs, both of which are crucial for self-growth if you’re censoring yourself. In addition, by hiding your real thoughts, you’re avoiding conflict that could help you learn more about yourself and others.
15. It’s making you sick. Literally.
When you behave in a way that clashes with your values and beliefs, this causes cognitive dissonance that leads to stress and anxiety. In addition, you might feel a loss of independence or control over your life, which can be linked to negative health outcomes. High levels of stress in the body suppress the body’s immune system, which makes you more susceptible to infections and illnesses.
